The Muppet Show Haiku Project! Season Two

Published: June 11, 2009
Categories: Feature

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Last week I posted a set of haikus written by Tough Pigs’ close personal friend David Beukema, one for each episode of season one of The Muppet Show. Today David’s back with a complete set of haikus for season two. So without further ado, here’s some haiku!

Episode 201: Don Knotts
Fozzie thinks he’s cool,
But in the end, he just proves
It’s hip to be square.

Episode 202: Zero Mostel

Beaker gets attacked
For the first time, and sets up
Thirty years of angst.

Episode 203: Milton Berle

Milton Berle’s heckled
By two old coots. What’s older?
Them, or Milton’s jokes?

Episode 204: Rich Little

Someone needs to tell
Rich Little how bad he is.
I nominate you.

Episode 205: Judy Collins

Link talks to the trees,
But that’s nothing! Judy is
Even more wooden.

Episode 206: Nancy Walker

Sam the Eagle rants
About nudity. At least
Fozzie’s got a tie!

Episode 207: Edgar Bergen

Piggy learns something —
It’s not the best idea
To fight carpentry.

Episode 208: Steve Martin

The show is canceled,
But what’s that constant guffaw?
Pipe down, Richard Hunt!

Episode 209: Madeline Kahn

The Chef starts a war
‘Tween Sweden and Mexico.
That’s rather shellfish.

Episode 210: George Burns

Here’s a funny joke:
Gonzo fiddles while George Burns.
Well … define “funny”…

Episode 211: Dom DeLuise

Dom says “Merdlidop”
So he fits in with the crowd.
Peer pressure’s a bitch.

Episode 212: Bernadette Peters

Who could snub Robin?
He’s so cute and nice and– SQUISH!
Oops. Watch where you step…

Episode 213: Rudolf Nureyev

Dr. Teeth playing
Boccherini is just like
Labor Day: No class.

Episode 214: Elton John

Miss Piggy flirts with
Elton John. I just don’t have
The heart to tell her…

Episode 215: Lou Rawls

The Muppet Newsman
Catches Mallarditis. Ew.
That’s gross. Quack is whack.

Episode 216: Cleo Laine

Lovely Cleo Laine
Helps the Chef in the kitchen.
Hope she’s had her shots…

Episode 217: Julie Andrews

Pigs, chickens, now cows?!
What isn’t Gonzo into?
Lock up your livestock…

Episode 218: Jaye P. Morgan

Explosions galore
In this episode. Jaye P.
Needs better agents.

Episode 219: Peter Sellers

Though I wish I’d seen
Prunella’s Prancing Poultry,
I’ll take Bein’ Green.

Episode 220: Petula Clark

Kermit should just call
The game warden and find out
When moose season is.

Episode 221: Bob Hope

I’d go bowling with
Animal, but only if
My next of kin knew.

Episode 222: Teresa Brewer
Piggy’s dieting,
Which can mean only one thing:
Armed guards at Wendy’s.

Episode 223: John Cleese

If Crazy Harry
Were my lovely assistant,
I’d start recasting.

Episode 224: Cloris Leachman

Kermit the Pig is
A chilling glimpse into what
Their kids might look like…


Thanks to David for the great haikus! Come back next week for season three! And click here to talk about this beautiful poetry on the Tough Pigs forum!

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