The Muppet Show Haiku Project! Season Three

Published: June 18, 2009
Categories: Feature

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If it’s Thursday, that means it’s time for more Muppet Show haiku from Tough Pigs’ own David Beukema! David has already taken on season one and season two, so this week he’s tackling season three. Take it away, David!


Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge
Gladys may be the
Ugliest Muppet ever —
And I’ve seen Ma Gorg!


Episode 302: Leo Sayer
Please don’t dance, Leo.
We like you, your song is fun,
But, good God, don’t dance!


Episode 303: Roy Clark
The Swinetrek’s toaster
Allows some guests to pop in.
It’s Beaker in spaaaaaaaaaace!


Episode 304: Gilda Radner
Don’t eat your veggies?
Well, please meet my good friend, The
Seven-Foot Carrot!
Episode 305: Pearl Bailey
Floyd’s suit of armor
Has him down. And we’ll need a
Crane to get him up.


Episode 306: Jean Stapleton
The Chef lives a lie.
He doesn’t speak real Swedish.
Geez, who can you trust?


Episode 307: Alice Cooper
Gee, that stalagmite
Sure takes his oral hygiene
For granite. (Sorry.)


Episode 308: Loretta Lynn
The Rhyming Song gang
Should watch more Sesame Street
And learn what rhymes are.

Episode 309: Liberace
I can’t decide what’s
Creepier: Liberace
Or those bird dancers…


Episode 310: Marisa Berenson
Piggy’s wedding plot
Is thwarted by flying fish.
That’s pretty crappie.
Episode 311: Raquel Welch
Raquel Welch turns on
A bunch of horny Muppets.
Watch out for felt burn!


Episode 312: James Coco

I’d like to be in
An octopus’ garden…
But not with that fish!


Episode 313: Helen Reddy

Sopwith the Camel
Dances with Helen Reddy.
My lifelong dream. Sigh.


Episode 314: Harry Belafonte

Beauregard almost
Makes Harry’s opening song
“The Onion Boat Song”.


Episode 315: Lesley Ann Warren

Lesley and Warren
Make great guest stars. And they make
A better salad!


Episode 316: Danny Kaye

Dull Clive Cahuenga
Is still a lot better than
That lousy Kaye guy.


Episode 317: Spike Milligan

There’s Spike Milligan!
Quick, get the butterfly net
And the straitjacket!


Episode 318: Leslie Uggams
“Then Gonzo hit on
Big Bird!” I struggle to say
To my therapist.


Episode 319: Elke Sommer

Bobby Benson’s band
Is just wrong. Won’t someone please
Think of the children?!


Episode 320: Sylvester Stallone

Sly Stallone singing?
Please bring back the Mummenschanz.
At least they’re quiet.


Episode 321: Roger Miller

The pilgrim penguins
Discover a bright, new land
Of sneezing chickens.


Episode 322: Roy Rogers and Dale Evans

The show goes country.
It’s a good thing Piggy’s gone
Or she’d get hog-tied.


Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave

“Psst. How goes the night?”
“Hmm. Quiet, but still.”  “Still what?”
“Still an awful joke!”


Episode 324: Cheryl Ladd

Piggy and Cheryl
Enjoy being girls. Also:
Thrashing helpless frogs.


Thanks to David Beukema for the spiffy haiku! Click here to discuss sneezing chickens and vegetable guest stars on the Tough Pigs forum!

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