The Muppet Show Haiku Project! Season Five

Published: July 2, 2009
Categories: Feature

Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5

Wow. One hundred twenty Muppet haiku poems. It seems like just yesterday that Tough Pigs pal David Beukema started writing a haiku for every single episode of The Muppet Show… and now here we are at the final season. And now I’ll turn it over to David for the last batch of poetry.

Episode 501: Gene Kelly
Suave Gene serenades

Piggy, then Gonzo. Now, that’s


Episode 502: Loretta Swit
Thog makes the earth move,
Proving once and for all that
Seismic does matter.

Episode 503: Joan Baez
A rat coup détat?!
Dear God, can you imagine?
Kiss New York good-bye…

Episode 504: Shirley Bassey
Fifty mil in gold
Buys more than a Goldfinger
Buy the whole Goldhand!

Episode 505: James Coburn
Calming Animal
With Buddhist meditation?
Yeah … good luck, Coburn.

Episode 506: Brooke Shields
Um, when you guys are
Done being brillig, please leave.
You’re freaking me out.

Episode 507: Glenda Jackson
Theaters ahoy!
This gives a new meaning to
Being all at sea.

Episode 508: Senor Wences
Lew Zealand’s manners
Are atrocious, but he sure
Hammers his point home.

Episode 509: Debbie Harry
The Frog Scouts go punk.
These kids, with their “rock ‘n roll”…
And get off my lawn!

Episode 510: Jean-Pierre Rampal
Rockin’ in treetops
Works for birds, but you best have
A parachute, Zoot.

Episode 511: Paul Simon
Gonzo checks into
Vet’s Hospital. Pity it’s
Not for a nose job.

Episode 512: Melissa Manchester
The Chef chases some
Bouncing chickens with a knife —
Poultry in motion.

Episode 513: Tony Randall
Tony turns Piggy
Into solid stone. At least
Now she’s lost some weight.

Episode 514: Mac Davis
Multiple Beakers
Are really pissed at Bunsen.
They’re beside themselves!

Episode 515: Carol Burnett
Carol shouldn’t be
A lonely asparagus.
She looks quite tasty!

Episode 516: Gladys Knight
In ancient Egypt,
Singing mummies show us they
Can carry a tomb.

Episode 517: Hal Linden
The two old guys host,
While Fozzie gets to heckle.
A bear’s sweet revenge…

Episode 518: Marty Feldman
Googly eyes abound
When Marty and Cookie meet.
Long lost twin brothers?

Episode 519: Chris Langham
Hawaiian Cowboy
And Zen skiing — Chris Langham’s
A renaissance man!

Episode 520: Wally Boag
Leprechaun Brothers
Are easy to understand —
If you speak Moron.

Episode 521: Johnny Cash
Johnny insults Rowlf —
Or is “Egg-Sucking Dog” a
Term of endearment?

Episode 522: Buddy Rich
Buddy’s drum battle
With Animal results in
A sore winner! Ouch.

Episode 523: Linda Ronstadt
Linda Ronstadt sings
“When I Grow Too Old To Dream”.
Sniff … where’s my Kleenex?

Episode 524: Roger Moore
Hey, join the navy!
All the ducks you can steal and
A great dental plan!

And there you have it! One hundred twenty episodes, one hundred twenty haiku. My thanks once again to David Beukema for his great work, and to Muppet Wiki for image assistance.

Click here to talk about mummies, asparagus, and egg-sucking dogs on the Tough Pigs forum!

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