Season 1 – Season 2 – Season 3 – Season 4 – Season 5
If it’s Thursday, that means it’s time for more Muppet Show haiku from Tough Pigs’ own David Beukema! David has already taken on season one and season two, so this week he’s tackling season three. Take it away, David!
Gladys may be the
Ugliest Muppet ever —
And I’ve seen Ma Gorg!
Please don’t dance, Leo.
We like you, your song is fun,
But, good God, don’t dance!
Allows some guests to pop in.
It’s Beaker in spaaaaaaaaaace!
Don’t eat your veggies?
Well, please meet my good friend, The
Seven-Foot Carrot!
Episode 305: Pearl BaileyHas him down. And we’ll need a
Crane to get him up.
He doesn’t speak real Swedish.
Geez, who can you trust?
Gee, that stalagmite
Sure takes his oral hygiene
For granite. (Sorry.)
Should watch more Sesame Street
And learn what rhymes are.
I can’t decide what’s
Creepier: Liberace
Or those bird dancers…
Piggy’s wedding plot
Is thwarted by flying fish.
That’s pretty crappie.
Raquel Welch turns on
A bunch of horny Muppets.
Watch out for felt burn!
Episode 312: James Coco
I’d like to be in
An octopus’ garden…
But not with that fish!
Episode 313: Helen Reddy
Sopwith the Camel
Dances with Helen Reddy.
My lifelong dream. Sigh.
Episode 314: Harry Belafonte
Beauregard almost
Makes Harry’s opening song
“The Onion Boat Song”.
Episode 315: Lesley Ann Warren
Lesley and Warren
Make great guest stars. And they make
A better salad!
Episode 316: Danny Kaye
Dull Clive Cahuenga
Is still a lot better than
That lousy Kaye guy.
Episode 317: Spike Milligan
There’s Spike Milligan!
Quick, get the butterfly net
And the straitjacket!
Episode 318: Leslie Uggams
“Then Gonzo hit on
Big Bird!” I struggle to say
To my therapist.
Episode 319: Elke Sommer
Bobby Benson’s band
Is just wrong. Won’t someone please
Think of the children?!
Episode 320: Sylvester Stallone
Sly Stallone singing?
Please bring back the Mummenschanz.
At least they’re quiet.
Episode 321: Roger Miller
The pilgrim penguins
Discover a bright, new land
Of sneezing chickens.
Episode 322: Roy Rogers and Dale Evans
The show goes country.
It’s a good thing Piggy’s gone
Or she’d get hog-tied.
Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave
“Psst. How goes the night?”
“Hmm. Quiet, but still.” “Still what?”
“Still an awful joke!”
Episode 324: Cheryl Ladd
Piggy and Cheryl
Enjoy being girls. Also:
Thrashing helpless frogs.
Thanks to David Beukema for the spiffy haiku! Click here to discuss sneezing chickens and vegetable guest stars on the Tough Pigs forum!
