ToughPigs Election: Gobo/Red ’08

Published: October 27, 2008
Categories: Feature


Our country is currently in a state of crisis. The stock market continues to drop, unemployment is at an all-time high, and our fellow citizens are in constant fear of being thwomped by a Gorg. This is a time for change. And that change goes by the name Gobo Fraggle. Along with his running mate, Red Fraggle, he will end our reliance on foreign radishes, promote the “30-Minute Work Week” program, and reach out an olive branch to Inkspots, Poison Cacklers, and Ditzies throughout the Rock.

Many patriotic citizens already take part in the 30-Minute Work Week, including the Pipebangers, the Moon Greeter, and the Minstrels. Gobo and Red will invite all creatures, both Silly and otherwise, to participate, leaving more time for singing and dancing and playing games. In time, our country will run much more smoothly, and we will have the opportunity to set aside Doozer Sticks in high interest savings accounts for our futures and the futures of our children.

As the candidates from Fraggle Rock know, there is no better education system than that of experience and tradition. Our children will learn about government through the semi-annual Ruler of the Rock Day. They will learn about physical fitness at the Fraggle Pond. They will learn vital communication skills on Joke Day. The limits to what they will learn and share with each other are as endless as the depths of the Echo Hole.

Fraggles such as Gobo and Red care more about our fragile environment more than anyone. Through his explorations, Gobo has taken appreciation of all types and sizes of species. From fauna like the Blustering Bellowpane Monster to flora like the Grapes of Generosity to minerals such as the Belching Boulder, Gobo has taken steps to allow for every plant, animal, and cavern to thrive in their own environment. Red Fraggle has even made a personal mission to preserve the Last of the Lily Creatures so he may live his life with the dignity he truly deserves.

Foreign Policy
With the close guidance of Marjory, the all-knowing Trash Heap, Gobo and Red will continue to strengthen relationships between the Fraggles, Gorgs, Doozers, and Silly Creatures. It cannot be denied that certain members of the Gorg clan have been shown to harbor terrorist tendencies, but Gobo promises to send troops into Gorg territory to clear the air of all ill thoughts toward creatures of different beliefs. He will also be utilizing his Operation: Radish project in order to show the codependency of our very different, yet interweaving, cultures. Having been incarcerated within Gorg country in the past, Gobo has the experience necessary to deal with the Gorgs as both a threat and an ally. His running mate, Red, will use her diplomatic connections to create a peaceful connection the Doozer community, while his Uncle Traveling Matt will carry on his exploratory mission through Outer Space as he makes continued contact with all types of Silly Creatures. Together, they will build bridges across the species barrier and bring a unity to the Universe.

Health Care
Continuing with his effort of employing people of great talent to his personal staff, Gobo has brought Boober Fraggle into his inner circle to council on the constant threats of disease, pestilence, phobias, death, paranoia, and superstition. Through proper diet and sterilization, he will make sure to keep people everywhere healthy and happy. He will also implement a national program to enforce mandatory Baloobius testing in public schools. As long as he serves in Gobo’s cabinet, he will ensure that there will never be another occurrence like the great Pebble Pox outbreak of 1985.

Always an explorer at heart, Gobo encourages everyone to find a home wherever they feel most comfortable, whether it be locally or abroad, and whether it means leaving the Rock or becoming a citizen in another land. People may want to find a cave of one’s own, perhaps in the Caves of Boredom or the Cavern of Lost Dreams, or they may even move to an undisclosed desert location. Likewise, the door to our country will always be open to anyone small enough to fit through it.

Space Travel
After succeeding in his duty to capture the moon, Gobo has turned his sights elsewhere to further our knowledge of what lies beyond the Rock. He has employed the capable (and not at all clumsy) Traveling Matt to explore the entirety of Outer Space and report back to his nephew on a regular basis. If the success of his travels continues, Gobo, Red, and their cabinet may soon partake on an Outer Space mission themselves by the year 2010.

When you go to the voting cave on Election Day, remember Gobo and Red Fraggle. They will vow to use the experience they gained in the Fraggle Wars, the Finger of Light campaign, and the All-Day, Cross-Cave Beanbarrow Race Finals for the betterment of every rock, cave, and workshop within their reach. Don’t Wemble, perform the Solemn Fraggle Oath and vote for the best Fraggles for the job: Gobo/Red ’08!Come back tomorrow to read Anthony Strand’s campaign promises for candidates Ernie and Bert!

Click here to discuss the Radish Party on the ToughPigs forum!

by Joe Hennes –

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Written by Joe Hennes

Co-owner and Editor-in-Chief.
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