ToughPigs Election 2016: I’m With Bird

Published: November 2, 2016
Categories: Feature



In today’s heated political climate, most candidates are more concerned with tearing their opponents down than with helping their constituents. It’s rare to find a candidate who is genuinely nice – helpful, honest, and overjoyed to be serving the public.

However, there is hope – giant, yellow, feathery hope. Big Bird is that candidate. Along with his running mate Mr. Snuffleupagus (best friends for 45 years, and they’ve never had a fight) he’ll usher in a new, friendlier America.


Big Bird believes that all goods and services should be affordable for everyone. He’s a staunch believer in the barter system, as seen in his dealings with economic visionary Mr. Looper. In Big Bird and Snuffy’s America, a helpful turn as a waiter or an afternoon spent moving birdseed is always payment enough. The US dollar is failing, but birdseed will never decline in value.


A veteran first-grade student and friend to preschoolers everywhere, Big Bird understands a wide variety of educational theories. He has shown children how to do everything from read and write to ice skate and cross the seat safely. He constantly strives to find the newest and best ways to educate our nation’s children.

Additionally, Big Bird often speaks of his own struggles in the education system. As a child, he thought “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ” was a word rather than the alphabet, but now he looks back on this as a key moment in his literacy development. He frequently shares that story with others to show support for a growth mindset. This is just one way that Big Bird has shown progress. He’ll keep getting stronger.


Big Bird is dedicated to preserving our precious natural resources. To save gas, he once walked and carpooled from Oceanview, IL, all the way to Sesame Street.


Big Bird and Mr. Snuffleupagus believe that the key to a sustainable future is to live in green homes – so green that they’re a nest and a cave, respectively. If elected, they will forego the power-guzzling mansion that past Presidents have lived in, continuing to live in their natural (and, in Big Bird’s case, portable) homes.


Big Bird has spent decades as the leader of the Birdketeers, a true democracy where every member of the club has an equal say. He also understands bad leadership. He briefly joined the Good Birds Club, a group that wants its members to change everything about themselves to conform. Big Bird doesn’t think that way. He celebrates differences, and he’ll do his best help every citizen live the best life they can.

Snuffy, an expert at working behind the scenes, once went unnoticed for 15 years. He’ll keep the focus where it belongs – on the issues.

bb-rwb-2Foreign Policy

Big Bird has wide-ranging experience with foreign diplomacy. His first trip to Asia was so successful that it inspired the famous proverb “Only Big Bird can go to China.” He also visited Japan, if somewhat less successfully, and he has strong relationships with delegates from dozens of countries worldwide.

During the holidays, he once comforted a lonely Swedish immigrant out of the goodness of his heart, and he has fought for the rights of our neighbor to the North, Santa Claus.

Health Care

Big Bird is a well-known vegetarian who supports a healthy lifestyle and frequently roller skates. He and Snuffy encourage all forms from physical activity, from Snuffle-sizing to pretending to be a train. Additionally, Big Bird loves his Granny Bird, so he wants her and all other seniors to have the affordable health care they need.


Big Bird and Snuffy grew up in a very diverse neighborhood, and they’ve learned to welcome and treasure people from all over the world. Some of their neighbors are first-generation immigrants (Leela, Marco, Abby Cadabby) while others are second-generation (Maria and Luis, Rosita). Everyone is welcome on Sesame Street, and Big Bird will surely extent the same warm “La La La” to immigrants all across the US.

Space Travel

Big Bird and Snuffy value our celestial bodies and want to preserve them. Big Bird believes that the stars belong to all of us – himself, Snuffy, Olivia, everybody. Snuffy, meanwhile, has been a tireless advocate for the clouds, showing compassion and understanding for what they go through. Together, they will ensure that space is a safe and happy place for future exploration.

Big Bird is honest. He’s a genuinely trustworthy bird, and that’s a rare quality in a political candidate. When faced with a challenge, he does his research and adjusts his opinions to fit the facts. He isn’t arrogant enough to try to do everything himself. He relies on his friends and advisors who have different skills than he does. If asked to choose between his own needs and someone else’s, he puts himself last every time.

You can be sure he’ll do the same thing for the American people. On November 8th, vote Big Bird/Snuffy.


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by Anthony Strand –

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