Here at Tough Pigs headquarters, we eagerly awaited the announcement of this year’s Oscar nominees. That’s because the awards are being given for movies that came out in 2014, and in case you’ve managed to forget, there was a Muppet movie in 2014. No, not the one with Jason Segel. The one after that.
But when the nominees were announced, Muppets Most Wanted was not on the list in a single category, not even Best Song. We were shocked. SHOCKED. (Tough Pigs’ Joe was so shocked he made up a whole awards show just for Muppet fans, which you can vote in right now!)
How can this be?! Could there really have been five movie songs in 2014 that were better than all the songs from Muppets Most Wanted? I briefly considered listening to all five of the nominees, and then writing about whether or not I felt they deserved the nominations over the MMW songs. But then I thought, no, of course they don’t. So instead, I’m going to listen to all of the nominees and tell you which comparable Muppets Most Wanted song should have been nominated instead of each one.
Song: “Everything Is Awesome”
Movie: The LEGO Movie
Aw, come on, Academy. This is a catchy number and everything, but it’s basically just a punchline. A song as simple as the naive LEGO citizens in the film, it’s all about how everything is perfect and conforming is the best.
Muppets Most Wanted Song That Should Have Been Nominated Instead: “Number One.” It’s thematically the complete opposite of “Everything Is Awesome.” It’s a song about how only Constantine is awesome, and he’s way better and smarter than his partner Dominic, because he has initiative and is proactive. Isn’t it better to celebrate self-motivation than conformism? Plus, in the movie there was some great dancing by Constantine and Ricky Gervais’s foot double.
Song: “Lost Stars”
Movie: Begin Again
This song is performed by Adam Levine, who happens to be the lead singer of Maroon 5, whose song “Moves Like Jagger” was covered by Scooter in Muppets Most Wanted. Isn’t it weird and boring how everything is connected? Anyway, “Lost Stars” seems to be about how everyone is constantly wandering around in life looking for happiness. There’s a line in there somewhere about a lion kissing a deer, which, now that I think about it, is something I wouldn’t be surprised to see in a Muppet movie.
Muppets Most Wanted Song That Should Have Been Nominated Instead: “Lost Stars” asks a lot of questions, like “Who are we?” and “Why is youth wasted on the young?” and “Are we all lost stars?” But the questions in “The Interrogation Song” are directly relevant to the plot, and they’re a lot funnier. I watched the whole music video of “Lost Stars” and didn’t laugh once!
Song: “I’m Not Gonna Miss You”
Movie: Glen Campbell… I’ll Be Me
This song is from a documentary about country music legend Glen Campbell.
Muppets Most Wanted Song That Should Have Been Nominated Instead: Okay, I’m going to ignore the content on this one, because it’s really sad, and instead I’m going to focus on the fact that Glen Campbell is a country singer. In Muppets Most Wanted, there’s a fantastic song in which Tina Fey’s Nadia welcomes Kermit to the gulag, which is located… where? That’s right, in another country. It’s a country song! Therefore, if any song from Muppets Most Wanted should be nominated instead of “I’m Not Gonna Miss You,” it’s “The Big House.” (And yes, I stole the idea of confusing the two meanings of the word “country” from the Garth Brooks episode of Muppets Tonight.)
Song: “Grateful”
Movie: Beyond the Lights
“Grateful” is sung from the point of view of a person who is happy to accept all the hard times she’s been through, because they make her that much more appreciative of the good times.
Muppets Most Wanted Song That Should Have Been Nominated Instead: An introspective song by a woman expressing seemingly counter-intuitive feelings? That has Miss Piggy’s “Something So Right” written all over it! “Grateful” is okay, but it never hits the emotional or vocal heights reached by the pig. I’ll let you decide whether the absence of a Celine Dion cameo works for it or against it.
Song: “Glory”
Movie: Selma
Wow, some of these songs are heavy. This one here is about civil rights.
Muppets Most Wanted Song That Should Have Been Nominated Instead: Well, let’s see if I can declare a silly Muppet song better than this one without being incredibly offensive. Every rational person wants equality, right? And every decent human being wants justice for all? These are things we all want. Well, there’s a song from Muppets Most Wanted called “I’ll Get You What You Want.” And whereas “Glory” is about the desire for things we want, in Constantine’s song he actually promises to give Miss Piggy everything she wants immediately, thus making for a more satisfying song. Right?
You can tune in to the Oscars February 22nd on ABC to see which of these songs won. And then you can pretend the corresponding Muppet song won instead, and pretend to celebrate!
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by Ryan Roe – Ryan@ToughPigs.com
