The 3rd Annual Ugly Muppet Toys Pageant: The Winners

Published: April 14, 2004
Categories: Your Two Cents

Click here for the semi-finalists!

2nd Runner Up

Nominee B : Oscar doll
(Nanco, 2003)

Score: 4.3

“I am shocked and awed.”
— Michal Richardson

“Apparently the result of a Who Can Design an Oscar Doll the Fastest Contest.”
— Ryan DiGiorgi

“Here we see the majestic grouch unhinge his jaw to swallow large prey.”
— Mike Cervantes

“This wouldn’t be so bad if his eyes were moved a little to the left, and if he didn’t have hair growing under his eyeballs, and if he didn’t have a huge gaping mouth, and if he wasn’t so damn ugly.”
— Ryan Roe

“I like his style. Ghetto trash, yo!”
— Julian Kleibeler

1st Runner Up

Miss Piggy plush
(Sababa Toys, 2003)

Score: 4.4

“I must admit, I own this one and she is just as ugly in person.”
— Yancey Thrift

“Piggy’s sense of taste has been one of the most unfortunate casualties of the Muppets’ evolution.”
— Ryan DiGiorgi

“This is why you should always use sunscreen.”
— Justin Werfel

“This one should win. It’s biker-whore Piggy.”
— Jess Healey

And now…

The Ugliest Toy of the Year!

Gonzo finger puppet
(Starbucks, 2003)
sent in by Doug Coleman

Score: 4.7 out of 5!

“Is the pretty Gonzo telling the ugly Gonzo to turn his head and cough?”
— David Beukema

“Too much caffeine!”
— Lucy Posen

“The rejected Finding Nemo extra.”
— Lara Frazier

“If the Muppets ever do PSA’s about not sticking things in electrical outlets… this is your man.”
— Emmy Miklasevich

“Gonzo looks like he’s missing a few chromosomes.”
— Jess Healey

So that wraps it up for this year’s Ugly Toy pageant! We’ll do the fourth annual pageant next year… unless, of course, there aren’t any ugly Muppet toys coming out this year for us to nominate.

But let’s face it, what are the odds? Same time next year!

by Danny Horn

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