The 2nd Annual Ugly Muppet Toys Pageant: The Winners

Published: April 16, 2003
Categories: Your Two Cents

Click here for the semi-finalists!

The Champions!

Second Runner-up:

Miss Piggy pillbox
(Landau, 2002)

Score: 4.4

“It’s ugly enough for a 5, but I took off a point for the dignity of the poorly paid artisan who had to stare at it as they glued the rhinestones on.”
— Marian Bayusik

“This is so ugly it makes me scared and furious!!!”
— Jake Barker

“This is the ugliest toy in all of uglidom. Other ugly toys should march to protest against it
for dragging their reputation past ugly and into an eerie, subdimensional world of uberugliness.”
— Kynan Barker

First Runner-up:

German Happy Meal Fozzie
(McDonald’s, 2003)

Score: 4.5

“I just want to send Sally Struthers money to feed him.”
— Tom Holste

“It’s like a car wreck… hideous, yet I cannot turn away.”
— Dave Beukema

“SUBWAY, eat fresh!”
— R.D.

“Fozzie is beaten past recognition by the ugly stick. Again.”
— Jess Healey

The Winner and Ugliest Toy of 2003:

the Big Bird Fireman Doll!
(Knickerbocker, 1970’s)

Score: 4.6 out of 5
sent in by Jess Healey

“This is ugly, but he’s emergency services ugly, so frog bless him.”
— Kynan Barker

“The oddest thing about this doll is that Big Bird looks pissed. Has Big Bird EVER been pissed?”
— Dave Beukema

“How the heck is Big Bird gonna put out a fire when all his limbs and pupils point backwards?”
— Michal

“He’s had a few too many white wine spritzers.”
— Helen Polson

“It looks like an extra from The Omen.”
— Jess Healey

“If that showed up at a fire, I’d kiss my house goodbye.”
— Mark Pethick

Good night, everybody! Thanks to everybody who voted, commented and contributed ugly toy photos. And let this be a lesson to us all: We must be ever vigilant! Toy manufacturers around the world are currently hard at work making the next generation of hideous Muppet toys. They must be fought at every opportunity!

As long as there are Happy Meals in Germany, we will never truly be safe. Peace out.

by Danny Horn

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