The 4th Annual Ugly Muppet Toys Pageant: The Winners!

Published: April 1, 2005
Categories: Feature, Your Two Cents

Click here for the runners-up!

2nd Runner Up

Guy Smiley plush
(Gund, 2004)
entered by John Hamilton

Score: 4.0

“What’s the other guy look like?”
– Scott Hanson

“It looks like he’s allergic to his own face.”
– Rachel Parton

– Justin Werfel

1st Runner Up

Vampire Fozzie plush
(Nanco, 2003)
entered by Kevin Williams

Score: 4.7

“Fozzie, you got more thighs than a bucket of chicken. Get on a treadmill, girlfriend!”
– John Hamilton

“I guess they achieved their goal. That’s scary, all right.”
– Grant Harding

“All he needs is the vampire broom and the vampire cauldron.”
– Justin Werfel

“He’s dressed like a witch, not a vampire, but he has Dracula teeth. Plus his jacket is five times too small.”
– Jeremy Wilcox

And now…

The Ugliest Toy of the Year!

Fozzie mini-bean plush
(Sababa, 2004)
entered by Carolyn Wiesner

Score: 4.8 out of 5!

“I think he would be a loyal protector of the other Ugly Fozzies.”
– John Hamilton

“All the ugliness of a regular Fozzie doll in a convenient pocket size!”
– Mike Horner

“Comedy and tragedy in a single body.”
– Justin Werfel

“I see the problem… Somebody set this thing to Evil.”
– Kynan Barker

“The doll that comes with his own telethon.”
– Jay Fosgitt

So, that wraps it up for 2005! Now, this Sababa mini-Fozzie mess can take its place in the Ugly Toy hall of shame, along with the bug-eyed mini-Kermit, the Knickerbocker Big Bird fireman, and the Starbucks Gonzo. Who’ll take home the prize next year? I shudder to think.

Thanks to everybody who voted! Without you, I wouldn’t be hosting a Pageant at all, I’d just be sitting here… alone… with all these toys looking at me. And some of them look hungry. Same time next year!

by Danny Horn

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