The Academy Awards are coming up this week, as if anyone in the world was actually able to see a new movie in the past year. Still, we’re as excited as ever for Oscar voters to tell us what films we’re supposed to like, and moreso for the inevitable comparisons to a certain Grouch we all know.
As the Academy Awards tradition continues despite the pandemic, so does our tradition of accurately predicting Oscar winners. Yes, we have a foolproof method to reveal what movies, actors, and filmmakers will take home their golden statuettes, and we’re literally never wrong. Okay, sometimes we’re wrong, but other than those times, we’re never wrong. Of the nine categories we predicted last year, we were correct about five. That’s not bad!
Our logic is this: Academy Awards go to the best of the best. The Muppets only work with the best of the best. Therefore, whoever has the closest Muppet connections must be the ones most worthy of Oscar winningness.
Let’s take a peek at some of the biggest categories as we reveal the winners of the 93rd annual Academy Awards! (To be revealed to the rest of the world on Sunday, April 25th on ABC.)
Actor in a Supporting Role
Sacha Baron Cohen for The Trial of the Chicago 7
Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah
Leslie Odom, Jr. for One Night in Miami…
Paul Raci for Sound of Metal
Lakeith Stanfield for Judas and the Black Messiah
Of the five gentlemen nominated for this category, only one made his way into the world of Muppetdom. Before appearing as Sam Cooke in One Night in Miami, Leslie Odom, Jr. rode on the Sesame Street float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and sang “Come Together” (no, not that “Come Together“) with the cast.
Actress in a Supporting Role
Maria Bakalova for Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Glenn Close for Hillbilly Elegy
Olivia Colman for The Father
Amanda Seyfriend for Mank
Yuh-Jung Youn for Minari
Glenn Close has been our pick in our Oscar predictions in years past for her appearance on Sesame Street and for contributing a recipe for Miss Piggy’s cookbook. However, she’ll have the award snatched from her this year by Amanda Seyfried, who got to star in a whole Sesame Street special, “When You Wish Upon a Pickle”. I guess now we know what she wished for!
Actor in a Leading Role
Riz Ahmed for Sound of Metal
Chadwick Boseman for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
Anthony Hopkins for The Father
Gary Oldman for Mank
Steven Yuen for Minari
This one’s a tough call, as none of these actors have officially worked with the Muppets in any capacity. Gary Oldman comes close, having been interviewed by Miss Piggy during the 2012 BAFTA Awards red carpet. But Sir Anthony Hopkins edges ahead for having gone out of his way to attend the red carpet premiere of The Muppets in 2011. Even though he didn’t meet any Muppet characters that day, he did volunteer to be Kermit’s alter ego in a future film, and then later announced that he is Kermit. Does that make him an honorary Muppet? Or just a crazy old man? Who’s to say?
Actress in a Leading Role
Viola Davis for Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
Andra Day for The United States vs. Billie Holiday
Vanessa Kirby for Pieces of a Woman
Frances McDormand for Nomadland
Carey Mulligan for Promising Young Woman
We’re gonna flip the script on this category in comparison to our argument for “Supporting Actress”. Frances McDormand starred in a whole Sesame Street special (“Big Bird Gets Lost”), but Viola Davis got to meet Miss Piggy at the BAFTA Awards red carpet AND she presented a Word of the Day on Sesame Street AND she shared a moment with Piggy in a restaurant restroom in a commercial for Audi. She deserves an Oscar for that last one alone.
Animated Feature Film
Onward
Over the Moon
A Shaun the Sheep Movie: Farmageddon
Soul
Wolfwalkers
Fun Fact: Pixar director Pete Docter was friends with Frank Oz’s father, Mike Oznowicz. Docter payed homage to Frank’s dad in Monsters Inc. by naming Mike Wazowski after him, and then continued the tradition by including Oznowicz among the many, many mentors #22 had in the movie Soul. That pretty much clinches the Academy Award for Soul, unless Wolfwalkers happened to feature a reference to Dave Goelz’s nephew or something.
Best Original Song
“Fight for You” from Judas and the Black Messiah
“Hear My Voice” from The Trial of the Chicago 7
“Husavik” from Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga
“Io Sì (Seen)” from The Life Ahead
“Speak Now” from One Night in Miami…
“Fight for You” performer and co-writer H.E.R. appeared on Elmo’s Not-Too-Late Show! Yes, her!
Directing
Thomas Vinterberg for Another Round
David Fincher for Mank
Lee Isaac Chung for Minari
Chloé Zhao for Nomadland
Emerald Fennell for Promising Young Woman
Technically none of these directors have ever crossed paths with the works of Jim Henson, but my research tells me that a Muppet named “David Finch” exists. Sure, he’s a parody of not-nominated-this-year director David Lynch from Sesame Street‘s Twin Peaks parody with no connection at all to David Fincher, but folks that’s about as good as you’re gonna get.
Best Documentary
Collective
Crip Camp
The Mole Agent
My Octopus Teacher
Time
The titular mole agent from the hit documentary The Mole Agent is actually the mole on Constantine’s face. It will likely win the Oscar, unless Fozzie Bear drips a little green sauce from his Subway™ sandwich on it.
Best Picture
The Father
Judas and the Black Messiah
Mank
Minari
Nomadland
Promising Young Woman
Sound of Metal
The Trial of the Chicago 7
Ah, Best Picture. Every year, this category is the most difficult to identify the Muppet connection. Is it enough that Sound of Metal and The Electric Mayhem both feature drummers? Or that the lead character of Promising Young Woman and Miss Piggy are both prone to bouts of rage? Or that Mank is an homage to old-timey Hollywood, just like so many Muppet productions? Possibly. But I’m going out on a limb and declaring Nomadland the winner, as it’s a celebration of the classic cross-America road trip, which reflects the Muppets’ quintessential road film, The Muppet Movie. I might’ve gotten to this conclusion a little sooner if only Frances McDormand drove a Studebaker instead of an RV.
(For more movie poster spoofs of this year’s Oscar nominees, be sure to check out our gallery of film parodies!)
And that’s it for this year’s predictions! Make sure you tune in to the Academy Awards this Sunday to see how we accurately predicted every category. Your Oscar ballots will thank us.
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by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com
