How To… Live on Sesame Street

Published: October 22, 2012
Categories: Muppet Mindset
The Muppet Mindset Repentantly presents…
Live on Sesame Street

  1. First and foremost, come to terms with the fact that your friendly neighbors there will be monsters, talking food, singing cows, massive birds, hairy Snuffleupaguses (Snuffleupagi?), grouchy Grouches, arithmetic-loving vampires, fairies, Berts, Ernies, and normal people named Bob, Gordon, Susan, Maria, Luis, Alan, Gina, Chris, and Leela.
  2. Become accepting of everyone’s faults and flaws and learn that everyone is special and can do anything they want if they believe in themselves.
  3. Sing, sing a song. Sing out loud, sing out strong. Sing of good things–not bad. Sing of happy–not sad. Make it simple to last your whole life long. Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear. Just sing, sing a song.
  4. Find your niche. Will you be a grouch? A friendly monster? A caring adult? An operatic flamingo? A Count? A Snuffleupagus? Whatever you choose, you’re sure to be welcome on Sesame Street.
  5. Learn to live with terrible waiter service when you visit Charlie’s Restaurant.
  6. Accept that you may never be able to make fresh baked cookies again without getting visited by a large, ravenous blue monster.
  7. Buy a calendar so that you can clearly label every day with the Letter, Number, and Word of each day. It’ll save you a lot of embarrassment if anyone–especially a celebrity–asks you about them.
  8. Put aside money for a roof repair budget in case Super Grover decides to pay you a visit.
  9. Remember that Zoe’s pet rock, Rocco, is not just a rock, he’s a rock with a passion for great art.
  10. Be careful around pumpkins. Anyone of them could be anything accidentally turned into a pumpkin by Abby Cadabby.
  11. Do NOT step on any insects! You never know if any of them are Twiddlebugs with a wife and kids or a worm who has been to the moon and back.
  12. Most of all… find out how to get, how to get to Sesame Street.

DISCLAIMER: The Muppet Mindset does not entirely support the idea that you can live on Sesame Street. Of course it would be a spectacular place to reside but our lawyers require is to inform you that it may or may not just be a magical place that is inside all of us. Whatever that means. However, we still recommend that you avoid stepping on bugs. It’s really just not nice and they could have families, but have probably never been to the moon. Also, do not expect real vampires to count instead of bite you or real monsters to provide you with waiter service rather than maul you. And if you do come across an eight foot two inch yellow bird, please contact your local ornithologist and local PBS station.

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier,

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