Recent Disney movies like Cruella and Maleficent have proven that audiences love to see the secret origins of some of their favorite movie villains. Even the most vile witches and puppy murderers can find a third dimension and a little sympathy, all while expanding their franchises beyond what was previously limited to just one animated film.
Meanwhile, the internet has been demanding more of these stories. We want to know howThe Little Mermaid‘s Ursula met her pet eels, or a convoluted backstory for the hunter who shot Bambi’s mom that almost makes us root against that poor deer. So as long as we’re mining these classic movies for villainous backstories, why not consider some of the Muppets’ most nefarious interlopers?
How Doc Became Hopper
Prequel to: The Muppet Movie
The Story: Doc Hopper’s rise to fame as a competitor against the clowns, kings, and colonels who previously cornered the fast food market.
Burning Quesetions: Aren’t we all curious as to how Doc Hopper found his true calling as a fast food entrepreneur? Why frog legs and not burgers or roast beef or fried chicken? How did he meet Max? What does Hopper have his doctorate in? And why does he have a professional frog killer on his speed dial?
Okay, But Where are the Muppets?: Since Hopper has yet to meet his future spokesfrog Kermit, we could see him teaming up with various Muppets who simply can’t sell a French fried frog leg if their lives depended on it. Can you imagine Sweetums wearing that giant frog costume??
Irresponsible Parasite: The Nicky Holiday Story
Prequel to: The Great Muppet Caper
The Story: How does a British socialite lose his fortune (and his accent), all while competing with his sister for a chance in the spotlight?
Burning Questions: How did he get tangled up with models Marla, Carla, and Darla? What makes a man steal when he already gets so many free handouts? What’s up with the flowered socks??
Okay, But Where are the Muppets?: Perhaps Nicky Holiday, cut off by his type-A sister, finds himself without a home and is forced to stay at the Happiness Hotel? I imagine he wouldn’t have responded to their theme song quite as excitedly as Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo.
The Brothers Sleaze
Prequel to: Follow That Bird
The Story: Two conmen, running from town to town, stealing apples from kids and kidnapping Muppets. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that movie.
Burning Questions: What wouldn’t these two dopes do to scam some poor kid out of a nickel?
Okay, But Where are the Muppets?: The Sleaze Brothers likely didn’t start their kidnapping spree with Big Bird. So maybe they thought they’d sell tickets for people to see the amazing piano-playing dog? Or an invisible Snuffleupagus? Or whatever a “Fraggle” is??
Humbug!: Ebeneezer Before Scrooge
Prequel to: The Muppet Christmas Carol
The Story: Filling in the blanks seen in the “Christmas Past” portion of The Muppet Christmas Carol, we follow a young Scrooge as he leaves school, meets Belle, gets ditched, and somehow blames it all on Christmas.
Burning Questions: Why was Scrooge so upset about Christmas as a boy? What made him want to work at a rubber chicken factory? Why not use this as an opportunity to reinstate “When Love Is Gone” into the original film?
Okay, But Where are the Muppets?: Easy! The flashbacks are perfect fodder for giving a spotlight to Sam the Eagle, Fozziwig and Ma, and a young Marley & Marley. To balance it all out, let’s get Kermit and Piggy in there as the Cratchits, getting their start in Scrooge’s firm.
Tex Richman and the Maniacal Laugh
Prequel to: The Muppets
The Story: Well, we already saw a bit of this in the deleted scenes to The Muppets, but since they were deleted anyhow, why not turn them into a whole movie! Let’s see the story about a little boy who can’t laugh, despite getting the actual Muppets to come to his birthday party.
Burning Questions: Where did Tex’s inability to laugh begin? How did he find out about the Rich and Famous Contract? Is he actually from Texas?
Okay, But Where are the Muppets?: Well, we gotta see what the interview process for hiring Uncle Deadly and Bobo was like.
Constantine: The Most Dangerous Frog in the World
Prequel to: Muppets Most Wanted
The Story: Life wasn’t easy for the original Bad Frog. But things got slightly easier after he learned how to fight, how to make bombs, and how to crochet. Let’s follow his journey to the top of the Most Wanted list and as King of the Gulag.
Burning Questions: What did Constantine do to get himself locked up? How exactly does one become a prison king? And why the heck does he look exactly like international superstar Kermit the Frog?
Okay, But Where are the Muppets?: Look me in the eyes and ask that again.
That barely even scratches the surface! Why not give us the story about how Long John Silver really lost his leg? Can’t we see Muppets Take Manhattan‘s Martin Price try (and fail) to swindle more Muppets out of their life savings? Was It’s a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie‘s Rachel Bitterman always so bitter, man?
The ball is in your court, Disney!
Click here to laugh maniacally on the ToughPigs forum!
by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com
