Published: October 14, 2022
Categories: Feature, Fun Stuff

We all know how much I love stupid AI things. I’ve done multiple articles about AI generated images, and Joe and I once went head to head to create some of the most baffling Muppet pictures possible. I’ve finally got access to the GOOD AI generator, so more of that coming soon.

One area I haven’t explored much is AI generated writing. Putting in a prompt and letting a computer decide what to say. And because I’m super lazy and still tired from transcribing that whole Jim Lewis interview, I decided to put in a few prompts and see what the website FRASE could come up with.

I started with something simple; an article titled ‘The life of Kermit the Frog’. This is what it had to say:

The character Kermit the frog was created by Jim Henson in 1955. He was the first Muppet to appear on television and he became famous for his catchphrase “I’m not afraid of any competition.” Kermit was born in New York City and grew up in Connecticut. His parents were both puppeteers and they taught him how to speak and sing. Kermit was the only Muppet who spoke without singing. He had a deep voice and could talk at high speeds. Kermit was known for being a bit dimwitted and naive. He was often seen wearing glasses and a bow tie. Kermit was a good friend of Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear.

So we got off to a strong start. Kermit was infact created by Jim in 1955, but I don’t recall his famous catchphrase ‘I’m not afraid of any competition’. Wasn’t that what he said in The Muppet Movie? No, wait, I’m thinking of ‘Gone with the Schwinn’. We don’t know a tonne about Kermit’s family, but I’m not sure they were puppeteers, and I’m pretty sure Kermit sings with a rubbery voice, not talks with a deep voice. But hey, they know about his classic glasses and bowtie!

Let’s learn a little about Kermit’s friends:

Miss Piggy was Kermit’s best friend. She was a pig and she loved to eat. Her favorite food was spaghetti. Fozzie Bear was Kermit’s second best friend. He was a bear and he liked to play jokes on people. He would pretend to be a tree and then jump out at someone. Fozzie was Kermit’s sidekick. He was always trying to get Kermit to do things. He would say things like “Come on Kermit, we have to go now!”

You could argue that Miss Piggy is Kermit’s best friend, with their on-off romantic relationship giving them a bond they don’t share with anyone else. She does enjoy food, but spaghetti? Has Fozzie ever dressed as a tree to jump out at people? I’m so confused.

Alright, let’s put in another prompt. Let’s say ‘Gobo Fraggle’s Guide To Life’;

Oh. Oh god. This gave me 14 rules, 12 of which aren’t publishable in this time slot.

Okay, so, it turns out FRASE was a bust, I tried a few more prompts and it didn’t generate anything remotely funny or interesting, so I instead headed over to RYTR, a different and far better website. This time I asked for a humorous description of an episode of The Muppet Show, guest starring horror character Michael Myers;

The Muppets are back for their final show (not knowing it was their final show) and they are in a theater waiting to get routines checked out. Unfortunately, one of the Muppets, Fozzie Bear, is pulled in front of the curtain. The theater lights go up and Michael Myers is in his Halloween costume. It turns out he is there to scare people and stayed after hours. George Lucas shows up after the curtain pulls back to offer Michael Myers some money (he was told to do so by the owner). He tries to tell him that the Muppets are scheduled to perform soon, but he won’t budge so instead they offer him a job at Disney’s studios with his own line of movies. Michael says he’ll think about it and then leaves through a door on the stage set. Fozzie emerges from behind a set piece backstage and runs back into position for rehearsal.

Now, I have to point out, nowhere in my prompt did I mention Disney or George Lucas. Does George know Michael Myers? It’s possible they’ve run in to each other at cool Hollywood parties, I guess? Is Michael a secret Disney princess? DID FOZZIE EVER FINISH HIS REHEARSAL!? Find out next time on Muppets Haunted Mansion 2 maybe?

Alright, let’s do another one. Let’s look for a short story about Big Bird and Elmo going for a picnic. But I’m going to ask it to be critical;

After a long day in the city, Big Bird and Elmo are hungry and need to go on a picnic. Elmo suggests they head out to the country, but Big Bird is not so sure they should go that far. After some discussion, they agree to drive down to a local park in the city.

Once they get there, they only find one picnic table open. It is surrounded by ugly people who are eating pizza and pretzels with lots of mustard. When Elmo asks for some chicken nuggets from the children’s menu, he does not get any mustard either. This makes him very mad.

But even more than the anger, Elmo worries if this will affect his relationship with Big Bird because he failed the picnic test of being able to enjoy it no matter where you are or who you share it with.

After talking about this before bedtime together, Big Bird assures his friend that no matter where you go or who you are with you should be yourself.

I mean, look, I’m not a fan of ugly people with mustardy pretzels either, but come on, Elmo! He seemed mad that he didn’t get any mustard for his pretzel, yet surely he could have just asked the ugly people for some? At least it had a nice wholesome ending with being yourself and all that stuff. Unless you’re ugly with a mustardy pretzel.

Alright, one more. Let’s head to Fraggle Rock, and ask for an ‘inspirational’ piece about Boober Fraggle doing laundry with Red;

Boober Fraggle decides to help Red Fraggle do the laundry and teach her about folding, because it’s important for social skills. They spend all day doing the laundry and then Boober has to get some emergency work so he leaves Red Fraggle to finish. When he’s gone, Red Fraggle decides to make a load of ‘weightless’ laundry that she could just fly through air with her powerful feet and have it dry in 1 hour. She starts by throwing all the clothes in together without folding them at all.

A few hours later, when Boober is back, he’s horrified to see that Red Fraggle mixed up everything and found a way to change the water cycle for just one load of washing, thus making it impossible for Boober’s sister Booboo or any of their friends to wash clothes whatsoever. His frustration gets the best of him and he yells “Red you’re fired!”

I have a lot of questions, and they’re almost all about Boober’s sister Booboo. Is this piece inspirational? It’s making me wonder if I can make my clothes dry in an hour with my feet. Also, I don’t know what it is about Fraggle Rock and AI, but it gave me yet another piece that was entirely unpublishable but was genuinely hilarious.

Give me some more prompts on social media and we’ll see what other weird Muppet concepts we can come up with, eh?

Click here to be ugly with mustard on the ToughPigs forum!

By Jarrod Fairclough –

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