In 1979, audiences were given the challenge to envision a bicycle-riding frog, a beauty queen pig, and a bear who could drive a Studebaker. But to get all these Muppet fans into the theater, they first needed to be alerted that they need to actually, y’know, show up. Not that I need to remind you the purpose of movie posters, but hey. Movie posters!
Most of us are aware of at least one or two posters for The Muppet Movie, but according to the Muppet Wiki, there are a bunch more when you factor the international markets. Some of them are incredible, and some of them are very, very bad. In a beautiful kind of way? So let’s do what nobody asked us to do as we rank The Muppet Movie‘s posters from worst to best!
#12.) Hands down the worst Muppet Movie poster is this one from a certain chef’s homeland, Sweden. I guess nobody bothered to send any press materials overseas, because they just cribbed a photo from the first season of The Muppet Show and slapped a floating Gonzo in the middle to liven it up. Do you think Swedish audiences were surprised that The Muppet Movie didn’t feature this sleepy-eyed Fozzie Bear and “original hair” Miss Piggy from 1976?
#9-11.) Okay, but what if The Muppet Movie was about a disaster in the ocean? Or a Muppet with superpowers? Or a frog who is also a well-dressed spy? All of those would make for interesting movies, but all these French posters accomplish is promoting false expectations (and false advertising?) for the film. And man, now all I want is a movie about Kermit with Superman’s powers. That sounds so dope.
#8.) This Israeli Muppet Movie poster technically prepares audiences for the fact that the Muppets are starring in a movie, thanks to Kermit’s camera and Fozzie’s clapboard. I’m guessing that Mr. The Frog is very popular over there, as evidenced by not one, not two, but three Kermits on the page. And a nice cameo by the tiniest Statler and Waldorf, whom audiences may presume appear in this movie as Doozers.
#7.) What is up with the French?? What naughty ideas do they expect us to gleam from the image of Kermit and Piggy sharing a bed? But also, what does Kermit’s upside-down heart mean? A quick Google search tells me it means the opposite of love, so is he post-coital with someone he actively hates? Or is he reacting to the book he’s reading? And why is Piggy wearing gloves in bed? Is it a French thing?
#6.) Another French poster – this one at least features a scene from the movie. And yet, it’s a scene from the climax of the film! Come on, France. You’re either making up your own movies or spoiling the entire plot. Pick a lane.
#5.) Okay, I know this French poster doesn’t have anything to do with The Muppet Movie, but come on, look at that beauty. Every film should be forced to create a Star Wars spoof poster. And yet, no movie could ever do it as well as the Muppets.
Bonus points for this poster’s casting of Lew Zealand as R2-D2. What a thing to exist in this world.
#4.) Over in Poland, they got to see this beauty of a poster. It’s surprisingly pretty, but so wildly inaccurate! Kermit’s driving the car, rather than Fozzie. The car doesn’t look anything like either of the cars from the film. Piggy is wearing her turban from the opening “screening room” scene of the movie. Gonzo is a tiny Gonzo. The car has The Muppet Show logo for some reason. And the title of the film is “The Muppets Go to Hollywood”, which absolutely spoils the finale. But it’s pretty, so we’ll just let all that stuff slide.
#3.) The first of two Drew Struzan-painted posters is stunning and gorgeous and all sorts of pretty. It’s fun seeing a rainbow of all the celebrity faces, and both Kermit and Miss Piggy pop right off the page. The only reason this one comes in at #3 is because Piggy looks like she’s in a weird, gravity-defying position, and that the next two posters are above and beyond.
#2.) The other Drew Struzan poster is everything you want from a Muppet movie poster. It features our full cast of characters, Fozzie’s iconic Studebaker in all its rainbow glory, and Kermit and Piggy showcasing the romance of the film. We get equal parts fun and plot, with a lot of color and action, and a car driving right at us giving the sense of a third dimension. It’s perfectly Muppety, and perfectly perfect.
#1.) If you lived in Poland in the late 1970s, you might’ve been lucky enough to see this poster in real life, with your real eyes. Just gaze upon it. You can’t look away, can you?? Someone painted this picture, someone approved it, and now it’s on the internet for us all to stare at whenever we want. Just look at Fozzie’s fat face, Miss Piggy shuffled into the background, and Scooter popping in like he missed his cue. I also love that the credits list “Wielki Gonzo”, which translates to “Large Gonzo”, which is what I will be calling him from now on.
Oh, and it has a giant Animal head on it. Not sure if you noticed or not.
We hope you enjoyed this listicle. Now go watch The Muppet Movie, which is way better than any of these posters.
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by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com