All right, I’ve been lecturing long enough.


I’ve told you everything I know about Muppet Halloween costumes: the good, the bad, and the thoroughly inadvisable.


Now it’s time to find out what you’ve learned.


Please write your name and section number on the front of your blue books. When you’re finished, turn your booklet into the TA. The grades will be posted by the end of the week.


1. This person is holding his hands in this position because…

a. his underwear has caught fire.

b. he’s worried that you might be checking out his nipples.

c. he is trying to create the impression of “wings.”

d. he is a Tyrannosaurus Rex in disguise.


2. This child…

a. is creative and industrious.

b. has too much time on her hands.

c. is avoiding larger issues in her life.

d. can be sponsored for only pennies a day.


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3. This costume…

a. looks like Big Bird is eating the child.

b. looks like Big Bird is standing just behind the child.

c. draws too much attention to itself.

d. is being worn by a dark sorceror who will consume the earth in fire.


4. Given the choice, you would…

a. wear the costume on the left.

b. wear the costume on the right.

c. stay at home and hide under the bed until Halloween is over.

d. burn down the costume shop and dance around the ashes.


5. Big Bird is wearing a dress because…

a. he’s off duty.

b. everything else was in the wash.

c. he couldn’t find a pair of size 68 pants.

d. he’s eight feet tall, and he can wear whatever the hell he wants.


6. This dog…

a. is owned by a Muppet fan.

b. was this close to getting the lead in Good Boy.

c. has a better costume than anyone else on this page.

d. could get into Studio 54, no questions asked.


7. Essay Question

In at least 1000 words, explain the mistakes this person has made with his Halloween costume. Give specific examples.


Where has he gone wrong? What will happen to him when he gets to the party? What would you say if you were his date? How loud would you say it?


Finally, consider the question: What should be done about people who try to dress up as Big Bird? Do we need federal legislation, or should it be left up to the states?


Next in the Muppet Fan Halloween Parade:

The grand finale!

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