You might already be aware that Bo Burnham has written the songs for the upcoming Sesame Street movie. Now, I haven’t heard them, but I’ve heard every other single Bo Burnham song ever, because the man is my comedy hero. Recently, Bo released a new special on Netflix called ‘Inside’, which is a hilarious, and often heartwrenching look into anxieties and the current pandemic. It’s a really good special, and the songs are fantasic (and available on Spotify) and I’ve been listening to them almost non-stop for 7 weeks. But, Bo has a very lyrical way of writing and I’m curious to see how that translates to Muppets, so I was thinking how funny it’d be if the Sesame characters sang those songs. Let’s imagine it together, shall we? (By the by, this article is going to make little to no sense if you haven’t seen the special).
Track 1: Content
This song is introducing the special and includes the line ‘Daddy made you your favorite, open wide’, which means it has to be sung by a father, so by elimination, this song would probably be sung by Elmo’s dad, Louie. That would be pretty funny, wouldn’t it?
Track 2: Comedy
This is a song about making people laugh, and who’s funnier than Ernie? Imagine Ernie singing the line ‘If you start to smell burning toast, you’re having a stroke or overcooking your toast’. Ridiculous!
Track 3: FaceTime With My Mom
Who else would sing this but Grover? That monster’s mommy is the first we think of when we think about Sesame Muppet parents, and she definitely looks like she’d recap the season 6 finale of The Black List to anyone who’ll listen.
Track 4: How The World Works
This is technically a duet Bo sings with himself, with his puppet character Socko. Socko has a dark opinion on humanity, and see’s the worst, so the first part would be Oscar by himself, sucking us in, then ruining our day by having his ficitonal sock puppet tell us that the global network of capital essentially functions to seperate the worker from the means of production.
Track 5: White Woman’s Instagram
A song about basic white women needs to be sung by the total opposite. A monsterous man. Cookie Monster. ‘Me can’t believe it, it been decade since you been gone. Momma me miss you, me miss sitting with you in da front yard’. Okay, this actually sounds hilarious. Someone call David Rudman.
Track 6: Unpaid Intern
This also feels like a Grover song. Someone who has worked 1000 jobs and does everything for everyone else with very little payoff. He is also barely people, somehow legal.
Track 7: Bezos I
CEO, Entrepenaur, Born in 1964. Big. Big Bird. Come on, Big Bird, you can do it. Pave the way, put your back in to it.
Track 8: Sexting.
Sorry I wrote the word sexting on ToughPigs. Twice. Let’s move on.
Track 9: Look Who’s Inside Again
This is my favorite song in the special, and I think it would sound very organic coming from Telly. The anguish, the emotion. Give it to the man with the most anxieties on the street.
Track 10: Problematic
Which character was most likely to dress up as Aladdin when they were 17? It’s obviously The Count. ‘That is one, one problematic thing! Ah ah ah! That is two! Two problematic things! I love it!’.
Track 11: 30
Complaining about your age, and the youths of today, sounds very Bert. He used to wake up with a smile, and go to bed at night with a dream. Now he’s friends with Ernie. (That actually fits rhythmically if you know the song)
Track 12: Don’t Wanna Know
This is another one of those songs that isn’t particuarly funny, just kind of filled with anquish. Let’s give it to Telly again. That dude’s a mess! (Same)
Track 13: Feeling Like
Okay, this isn’t actually called ‘Feeling Like’. It’s a swear word, and I already wrote a word I regret above, and I don’t want Joe and Ryan to yell at me. This song is upbeat, and about feeling bad. Happy and sad. Sad because he’s happy. Happy coz he’s mad. Mad coz it sounds sappy, to be happy when you’re mad! (You know I mean Oscar, right?)
Track 14: All Time Low
It’s quick. It’s punchy. It’s great in small doses. Just like Elmo. Plus Elmo saying the phrase ‘An ATL – an all time low, not Atlanta’ sounds very funny to me.
Track 15: Welcome To The Internet
Even if you haven’t seen the special, you’ve likely heard about this song. It was massive for a week, and for good reason – it’s hilarious and it’s dark. It’s also unexpected, so I’d like to think someone unexpected would sing it. Like Abby Cadabby. I also think Abby could really pull off the evil laugh towards the end. She’s a rascal!
Track 16: Bezos II
Big Bird! You did it! Congratulations!
Track 17: That Funny Feeling
This is Bo’s first song played on guitar in around 10 years, and it’s beautiful. It’d sound even more beautiful with the Spanish accent, sung by Rosita. I actually genuinely think that could be a great idea, with a few tweaks to the lyrics. Maybe a bonus track when the soundtrack to the movie is released? Is Bo reading this? Hello?
Track 18: All Eyes On Me
Bo spends half this song giving a monologue on panic attacks and anxiety and you all know I’m just going to say Telly.
Track 19: Goodbye
Another of my favorites, this song builds from small to a powerful ending, and needs a lot of gusto, which means it needs to be sung by someone who can take in a lot of air, and I have to imagine Snuffy has gigantic lungs.
Track 20: Any Day Now
The song that plays over the credits, and has multiple Bo’s singing over himself. Give it to the whole cast!
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By Jarrod Fairclough – Jarrod@ToughPigs.com
