Tuesday, Feb 5:
The whole “not being three” issue
Tuesday, Feb 5:Okay, let’s come to order. On the agenda for today: Journey to Ernie.
Here’s the deal. Journey to Ernie is this new problem-solving segment with Big Bird looking for Ernie in a computer-animated environment. It’s kind of like a computer game, except you just sit there while Big Bird does all the work.
So where’s Ernie? Ernie’s in a box. No, seriously. He’s hiding in a box marked with stripes and a rubber duckie, and this box is somewhere out there in the universe. Big Bird travels around to different environments, which so far means outer space, the North Pole — and, today, a disco. I kid you not. Big Bird has to solve little logic problems to figure out how to get the box. If he finds the right box, Ernie’s inside, and we get to see an Ernie skit. If he finds the wrong box, then we have to watch a sand sculpture sing Joe Raposo songs, and then we start all over again.
And you know what? While I was watching it, that all seemed to make sense, but now, when I’m trying to describe it to you, it sounds kind of stupid. It’s like when you try to describe a dream to someone, and you have to explain how the dog didn’t LOOK like your sister, but you knew that it WAS your sister. You know what I mean? Like, why is Ernie in a box? Why do some boxes have Ernie and some boxes don’t have Ernie? And why a disco? It just don’t add up.
Then again, there’s the whole “not being three” issue, which I’ve had to deal with before. The conversation basically goes like this. I say, “Hey, have you noticed how Journey to Ernie is kind of a mess conceptually,” and then you say, “Yeah, but it teaches problem solving skills, and three year olds like computer games.” So then I say, “That may be true, but three year olds also like putting dirt in their mouths,” and then you say, “Well, you’re not three, so how the heck would you know,” and then it just kind of degenerates from there.
And I have to admit that that’s true. I’m not three. In fact, I haven’t been three in a long time. So let’s call someone who’s three and see what they think about it.
I’m gonna have my secretary find me a three year old. Hey, Jason! I need to talk to somebody who’s three. Okay. Hold on just a sec. Jason’s going to buzz me when he’s got a three year old.
Oh, there we are. Hello? Who’s this? Carmen? Hi, Carmen, this is Danny from Tough Pigs. Listen, babe, I need your thinking on this Journey to Ernie thing. How old are you, Carmen? Three? All right, good. Let me just run this past you. We’ve got Big Bird, and then Ernie’s in a box. You with me so far, sweetheart? Now the box — get this — the box is somewhere out there in the universe, and Big Bird’s got to solve problems like it’s a computer game. That’s the basic pitch. Now just give me the first thing that comes to you.
What’s that? What? Jason, I think we got a bad connection. I can’t hear a word this girl is — What? Speak up, Carmen, I can’t hear you. Oh, great. Now she’s crying. Carmen, sweetheart, stop crying. This is very unprofessional.
Oh, terrific. Now she hung up. That’s just great.
Well, now I still don’t know what to think about Journey to Ernie, and I just made a three year old cry. Are you satisfied?
by Danny Horn
