Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
This week, I’m going to watch five Halloween-themed Muppet shows, to find out which ones are tricks and which ones are treats. I’m getting scared already.
Today, I’ll be watching the Vincent Price episode of The Muppet Show. It’s my first Muppet Show for a My Week column, and it feels like I ought to be doing something special for it. I sit up a little straighter.
Kermit introduces the guest star, and tells us to “be prepared for the strange, the weird, and the scary.” Then Fozzie puts a pie in Kermit’s face. “Let the scariness begin!”
The first sketch is a huge orange monster eating a little pink one, and singing “I’ve got you under my skin.” The little monster — let’s call him Dinner — protests and tries to escape, but the big monster keeps swallowing him. This is bringing back memories of watching The Muppet Show when I was a kid. I was 5 years old when this episode was first on, and I actually do remember being scared by this sketch. I think the thing that’s scary about it is not so much the eating. I can handle the eating. The scary thing is the monster trying to convince his dinner to give in to being eaten.
The big monster sings: “Why should you try to resist… Don’t you know, little fool, you never can win? Use your mentality! Wake up to reality!” Now, that’s creepy to me. Muppets eating other Muppets is pretty standard, but actually trying to talk your dinner into accepting death… Huh. This is a little more intense scare-wise than I’d expected.
The scare is cushioned a bit by the sight of the Dinner shivering backstage — obviously alive, if not well. This shot feels to me like a little reassurance for the kid viewers, the pie in the face during the scary parts that lets us know that everything’s okay. I appreciate that. I can use all the reassurance I can get.
Hey, but here’s another scary part. Kermit hosts a panel discussion on Gourmet Dining with Vincent Price, Pierre (“one of the world’s great chefs”) and Gorgon Heap (“one of the world’s great eaters”). During the course of the discussion, Gorgon Heap eats the water jug, then a tray, and then Pierre.
Then the monster turns to Kermit: “Hey! YOU look delicious!” Kermit appeals to Vincent for help: “Vincent! Can you stop him, please?” But Vincent just licks his lips: “Froggy, you have to admit that you DO look TASTY!” Gorgon Heap swallows the frog. Yikes! Once again, the swallowing is not really as scary as the fact that Kermit’s appeal for help was answered in that callous, creepy way.
There’s a little cushion here too — in the very next scene, Kermit is seen in Statler and Waldorf’s theater box. It looks like, at least so far, the show’s policy is always to provide some kind of reassurance that the characters are okay. We don’t see Pierre the chef, though, so I guess he’s just eaten. Oh well.
Later on in the episode, there’s another little moment that I just find chilling. Kermit is backstage looking at some papers on his desk, and a little prop hand moves on its own across the table. Kermit looks at it and reacts a little, then another monster enters and they have a scene. I like that. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s not connected to anything — it’s just a little violation of the rules about what can move and what can’t. I think that’s the thing that I’m actually finding scary about this episode. The ghosts and monsters and bats aren’t really scary at all. In fact, most of them are kind of cute. They shout “Boo!” every once in a while, but that’s not very scary — it’s surprising, maybe, but there’s nothing particularly scary about it. The real scary stuff is the casual violation of the rules — that a prop will just move on its own, or a guest star will devour you with a smile on his face.
And then there’s the Furniture Monsters sketch, which scared me so much as a kid that I’m not even sure I can talk about it. It starts out like a normal Newsman sketch — the Newsman announces that there are reports all over the country of furniture turning into monsters. Then the camera pulls back, and we see the Newsman on a TV in a little apartment. There’s a Muppet guy sitting on a chair watching the TV. As far as I know, this is the one and only time on The Muppet Show that they actually showed us someone watching the show on television. It’s always presented as a “real” stage show; the only audience members that we see are actually present in the theater. To suddenly pull out to show a viewer is startling on its own. Then the Muppet’s chair and dresser turn into monsters and attack. He beats them off with a rolled-up newspaper, then gets devoured by his television set. Cut back to the Newsman, who complains about how ridiculous that story was — and then his desk comes to life and devours him. And that’s it. No cushion, no reassurance. Your television will come to life and eat you. Have a nice evening, kids.
I think the stuff that I find actually chilling in this episode is the stuff about losing control. The monster talks his dinner into being eaten. Vincent does the same with Kermit. The hand prop moves on its own, and Kermit hardly notices. For the first time, we see the television audience — ourselves, represented on screen — and we are instantly devoured and killed.
My goodness. This is going to be a scarier week than I thought.
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday
by Danny Horn
