I’d like to believe that there’s some suave way to announce the winners of a Muppet-picture Scavenger Hunt contest without looking like, y’know, a total dork. I’d like to believe that.
I mean, let’s face it, there’s really no way to get excited about photos of birthday cakes in the shape of Cookie Monster without seeming like the head counselor at Camp Loser. Actually — this is a true story — I did spend a summer as a counselor at a camp for academically gifted kids, and during that summer, I had a whole gang of pre-pubescent bespectacled science dorks squirt toothpaste in my underwear drawer. That kind of trauma leaves a scar, kids, and judging a Muppet Scavenger Hunt is really just another way of picking at the scab.
So, before we get going, I’d just like to state for the record that in real life, I’m an incredibly cool person, and I regularly have energetic sex with really hot people, sometimes two at a time. All right? Fine. Let’s get started.
So, these were the rules. I gave you five categories, and you were supposed to go out and find photos that fit those categories. But did you? No. You had better things to do. Well, some people did, and those people are getting Sesame Street PVC’s for their trouble, so I bet that makes you feel pretty silly, doesn’t it?
I’m sorry, I’m still lashing out. Anyway, here are the categories:
#1. A birthday cake with Muppets on it
#2. Miss Piggy backstage at the Muppet Theater
#3. A Fraggle playing a musical instrument
#4. Grover and Elmo in the same picture
#5. A child’s drawing of a Muppet Show character
The trick was, if two people sent the same picture, then they’d cancel each other out, so the entrants got a point for each category with an unduplicated picture.
So, what do I mean by an unduplicated picture? Well, pretty much anything that wasn’t this one. This is one of the ugliest images I’ve ever seen, but it must be all over the internet, cause it was sent to me by five different people for the Fraggle category.
Now, personally, I don’t understand the mentality of someone who would put an image like this on their website on purpose. I mean, what the hell? The same goes for this photo of Grover and Elmo in a cardboard plane, which was also sent in by five different people. Please, if you see either of these pictures on any Muppet website, take a moment to write an e-mail to the webmasters and correct these ghastly mistakes. Friends don’t let friends make ugly websites. Just one brief e-mail from you can make a difference in the life of a child.
By the way, I’ve covered the being incredibly cool thing, right? Just checking.
Okay, at this point, there’s really just two things you want to see. You want to know who won the contest, of course, and you want to see the cakes. In that order. Cause knowing who won is exciting and all… but the cakes. You’ve got to see the cakes.
by Danny Horn
