More Breaking News, Part Six

Published: May 6, 2003

Breaking News

Part 15: Little Red Riding Hood

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit),Fran Brill (Little Red Riding Hood), Richard Hunt (Taxi Driver), Kevin Clash (Big Bad Wolf), unknown? (Grandmother), Jerry Nelson (Announcer).

Announcer	We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!
Kermit	[ Kermit is facing the wrong way. He realizes his mistake and turns around. ] Oh! Uh. Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here for Sesame Street News, and I’m standing in the forest here, waiting for Little Red Riding Hood, who’s supposed to be coming this way on her way to her grandmother’s house! And, uh — hark! I think that’s her coming now.
	[ Little Red Riding Hood enters, humming. ]
Little Red	Uh oh. I think I’m lost. Excuse me, Mr Frog?
Kermit	Uh, yes, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street News, ma’am?
Little Red	Hello.
Kermit	Hi.
Little Red	Could you please tell me how to get to Grandmother’s house?
Kermit	Oh, I would be very happy to. Matter of fact, I happen to have a map of the entire area, right over here…

Little Red	Oh, great!
Kermit	If you’ll just step over here, I’ll show you… [ Kermit reaches up and pulls down a map. ] … this map of the entire area. You see, right here —
Little Red	Uh huh.
Kermit	This is the entire area.
Little Red	Uh huh.
Kermit	Now, where we are is, we’re standing in the woods, right here, you see?
Little Red	Mm hmm.
Kermit	Now, in order to get to Grandmother’s house, which is right up here…
	[ As Kermit explains, Little Red gets distracted brushing off her cape. ]
Kermit	… you have to walk down this road right here, till you come to the shopping center. And then, um…

	[ Kermit notices that Little Red is distracted. ]
Kermit	Excuse me, uh, Miss Riding Hood…
Little Red	Yes?
Kermit	You’re not listening to me.
Little Red	Oh, I’m sorry. I had some lint on my pretty new red cape. Please, please. Go on.
Kermit	Well, I will, but I think I’d better start all over again, because you weren’t listening.
Little Red	Oh, okay. Uh huh. Thank you.
Kermit	Well, starting all over again, you see, we’re in the woods, here.
Little Red	Mm hmm!
Kermit	Now, to get to Granny’s house, you have to go down this road here, until you come to the shopping center. [ Little Red starts brushing more lint off her cape. ] That’s where you have to make a left turn, go through the covered bridge, until you… uh, Miss Hood.
Little Red	Hmm? What? Oh. Hiya.
Kermit	You’re not listening!
Little Red	Oh, I’m sorry.
Kermit	Now, how do you expect to get to Granny’s house, if you don’t listen?
Little Red	By taxi.
Kermit	Taxi?
Little Red	Yeah, I just hop a taxi. TAXI!

	[ A taxi immediately screeches up, and Red gets in. ]
Taxi Driver	Yeah, where to?
Little Red	Could you please take me to Grandmother’s house?
Taxi Driver	Grandmother’s? Uh, that’s by the railroad track, right?
Little Red	Well, I’m not sure…
Taxi Driver	Eh, never mind. We’ll find it! Heh heh heh. Okay!
	[ The taxi speeds off, leaving Kermit behind. ]

	[ The Big Bad Wolf approaches. ]
Wolf	Hey, Mac! I’ve kinda lost my way here.
Kermit	Wait a second! Are you the Big Bad Wolf?
Wolf	You got it, frog! Hey – would you happen to know the way to Grandma’s house?
Kermit	Well, as a matter of fact, I do, and I’ll be happy to tell you, if you’ll only listen to me.
Wolf	Hey, I’d be glad to listen! I wanta find out real bad! If I don’t — there’ll be no story!
Kermit	Yes, right. Okay. Well, I happen to have a map of the entire area right over here. Now, you see, we’re in the woods right here…
	[ Granny enters, moaning. ]
Granny	Oh me, oh my…
Wolf	Why, Grandma! What do you know! I was just trying to get to your house.
Granny	Oh, were you! Well, I was too! But I got lost…
Wolf	Well, hey… this frog here said he knows the way!
Granny	You DO?
Kermit	Yes, I do, and I’d be happy to tell you all, if you’ll just listen to me.
Wolf	Hey, Mac, I’m ALLLLLL ears!
Granny	And I’m all ears too, Mac!
Kermit	Uh, okay… well, now, let me just tell you all. You see, we’re in the woods right here…
Granny	[ not paying attention to Kermit ] Speaking of ears, you got an awful big set of ears! They’re kinda cute, too, heh heh.
Wolf	Awwww… well, thank you there, Granny… I was just kinda admiring that hairdo of yours…
Granny	Oh, were you! I just had it changed recently! I had it a different way for years! I had trouble with my hairdresser, you see…
Kermit	Hey, listen… uh… Will both of you PIPE DOWN and LISTEN TO ME?

	[ The taxi pulls up again. ]
Taxi Driver	Yeah, uh… where are we?
Little Red	I told you it was left at the shopping center!
Taxi Driver	No, no… if we’da gone left, we woulda gone through the toll bridge…
Little Red	No, no, no, no, no…
Taxi Driver	It would have cost ya an extra quarter!
Little Red	Oh, look, there’s Grandmother… Grandmother!
Granny	Mm hmm?
Little Red	Do you turn left or right at the shopping center to get to your house?
Granny	What shopping center?
Wolf	I thought you turned at the video arcade!
Little Red	No, no, no.
Kermit	Uh, listen… QUI-ET!

Kermit	Listen, nobody’s going to find out how to get to Grandmother’s house unless you listen to ME!
Taxi Driver	Well, uh… okay, man! I mean, frog. We’re all ears.
Little Red	Yeah.
Kermit	Okay. Well, let me just show you on the map, over here. You see, right now, we’re in the woods right here… Now, when you go out of this…
Wolf	Aw, why don’t we just forget all this going to Grandma’s stuff, and have a picnic here?
Little Red	Okay. Although I know it was at the shopping center…
Kermit	Now, when you get to the… uh… what’s going on?
Little Red	We’re having a picnic! If you’d been listening, you would know what we’re doing!
Taxi Driver	Yeah! Pass the mustard, will ya?
Kermit	Uh… This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled… program…