More Breaking News, Part Two

Published: May 2, 2003

Breaking News

Part 11: That’s Wonderland

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit),Fran Brill (Alice), Jerry Nelson (Announcer).

Announcer	We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!
Kermit	Yeah, well, where’s the White Rabbit? Late again, huh? Well, we’ll just have to start without him. What? Oh! Hi ho, this is Kermit the Frog, speaking to you from Sesame Street News, in Wonderland — where anything can happen, and it usually does! And with me is Alice here…
Alice	Hi.
Kermit	Yes, and Alice, you’ve been having some pretty strange adventures here, haven’t you?
Alice	Yeah, I’ll say.
Kermit	Uh huh. And, uh — incidentally, you’re kinda small, even for a little girl, aren’t you?
Alice	Yeah. Musta been somethin’ I ate.

Kermit	Uh huh. Well, uh, tell me, Alice, what is your next amazing adventure going to be?
Alice	Well, I’ll tell ya, Kerm. I have this little bottle of water that says: Drink me.
Kermit	Little bottle. Yeah.
Alice	And I’m, uh, gonna drink it.
Kermit	You are! Is that it, huh?
Alice	Yep. Drinking the water.
Kermit	Okay, well, it’s probably gonna be pretty exciting, uh, won’t it, folks? She’s going to drink the water, and then, what’s going to happen?
Alice	I don’t know. We’ll see.
Kermit	Uh huh. Well, that’s Wonderland, folks! That’s Wonderland, you never know what’s going to happen when you drink some water, so, uh… there she goes, she is drinking the water.

	[ Alice drinks some water… and quickly grows to Kermit’s size. ]
Kermit	Hmm, wait a minute. What’s happening?
Alice	Wow.
Kermit	Wha-ho! You got big fast, didn’t you?
Alice	I did, I did.
Kermit	Yeah… uh, listen, uh, look how big she is, she took a drink and she really — she really got big!
Alice	You know, that was curiously refreshing.
Kermit	Yeah?
Alice	I think I’ll drink some more.
Kermit	Uh… you sure?

	[ Alice drinks some more… and grows even bigger. ]
Kermit	My goodness!
Alice	My my!
Kermit	This is curiouser and curiouser! You’re bigger now, you know!
Alice	I know, I know I’m bigger.
Kermit	Yeah.

Alice	Well, uh, I might as well finish this drink.
Kermit	Well, do you think that’s smart? I mean, there’s a fairly low ceiling in this place…
	[ Alice gulps down the rest of the water… and gets even bigger… ]
Kermit	Look out for the ceiling, Alice!

	[ Alice hits the ceiling with a huge CRASH! Plaster falls down onto Kermit’s head. ]
Alice	Oh, no.
Kermit	ALICE!
Alice	Oh, dear.
Kermit	You hit the ceiling!
Alice	I know.
Kermit	Are you okay?
Alice	I’m okay. I’m sorry about the ceiling, though.
Kermit	Well, how do you feel?
Alice	I… I feel very big!
Kermit	Well, you are certainly the biggest little girl I’ve ever seen!
Alice	This is the biggest I’ve ever been.
Kermit	Yes, well, you’re certainly — you’re real big!
Alice	I am big.
Kermit	Yeah. Well, you know, Alice, I think I’m getting a stiff neck just from talking to you…
Alice	Oh.
Kermit	So I think the interview is over.
Alice	Oh, okay. Well, I’ll see ya later, Kerm.
Kermit	Okay, Alice.

[ Alice thumps away. ]

Kermit

Whoa! She is — she is big, folks. I have seen big in my life, but she is really BIG! Uh… wait a second… Hmm… She left a cupcake here. Look at that, I think maybe I’ll just take a little bite of this… [ He takes a bite of the cupcake. ] Oh! That tastes… rather strange…