Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4
We finally made it to the end, friends. Read on for the last batch of reviews of every entry to the Threadless Muppet t-shirt design contest, as brutally criticized by us. Also, click on the links above to visit the first three parts, and scroll down to the bottom of this page for some fun and useless statistics!
Kermit’s looking a little sad there. Not that he isn’t allowed to look sad. He certainly sings his fair share of sad songs. But do we want to advertise that sadness on our bodies with a t-shirt? I’m gonna guess not.
My rating: 3
If the effects of Bunsen and Beaker’s Insta-Grow Pill wasn’t “sadly temporary”, this would’ve been the plot from Muppets Take Manhattan.
My rating: 5
Although this is an obvious ripoff of previous Threadless contest winner “You Call That a Pocket?“, I do like that the pocket itself is painted with the same design as the balcony. Still, it’s way too close to the winner of the same freaking contest. That can’t be an accident.
My rating: 1
Rock AnimalSo, this design has a hunchback Animal as well as an Animal who seems to be leaping away from us? Are there supposed to be dueling Animals, or did the artist really think that these would be the best angles to display in his design? One has him bending over to pick up his reading glasses off the floor, the other has him jumping into a swimming pool with his clothes on.
My rating: 2
The title of this piece reveals that it’s a reference to The Shining, which you wouldn’t have known otherwise since Beaker’s head fits into the broken door perfectly, thus pretty much erasing the hole from our vision altogether. Also there’s no axe, no sign that it’s actually a door, no Shelley Duvall, and no rhyme or reason to making the Shining reference in the first place.
My rating: 3
Just imagine how weird Kermit would look if he didn’t have a 25% cross section removed from his head. He’s just be a floating sphere, hovering in front of an audience to signify that the next act will be that furry fuzzy funnyman Fozzie Bear. Then he’d glow a little and roll offstage to fend off the Piggy Cube’s advances.
My rating: 4
Jeez, that’s so hard to see, I hardly want to review it. It doesn’t help that Statler, Waldorf, the Swedish Chef, Animal, and Sweetums are included, none of which have a real-life animal analogue. Plus, I don’t know what that white bird in the tree is. Is that Foo-Foo? As a bird? I don’t even care anymore.
My rating: 1
This is what it’s like to be a Muppet fanatic. We see Muppets everywhere, even in randomness of nature. Also in singing frogs playing the banjo. But that latter one is a bit of a stretch.
My rating: 5
I guess we can’t avoid the Lady Gaga references anymore. Between her Kermit dress, her holiday/album release special, and her upcoming cameo in the new movie, she’s a regular Whoopi Goldberg for the Muppets. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Harumph.
My rating: 3
I don’t know why Kermit’s riding his own mecha, nor do I want to. All I know is that he looks awesome up there, and I would gladly accept a horde of invading sea monsters if it meant that this is who would be defending us.
My rating: 5
Of all the characters the artist could’ve chosen for the Joker, how did he end up with tiny-head Waldorf?? Gonzo and Fozzie are natural jesters, Animal has the build for the costume, Lew Zealand has the right sensibility, and dozens of others would be perfect. Waldorf is a curmudgeon, not a trickster or wacky comic. Nobody has a winning hand with that guy.
My rating: 2
Little did Kermit know, a Boom Tube was opening right behind him, and Darkseid’s Parademons will soon be coming through to wreak havoc on the planet Earth and eventually prepare the fire pits to overcome us and transform our world into a second hell-like Apocalypse. But for now, his butterfly song is pretty nice.
My rating: 5
Whelp. Animal finally did it. He killed and skinned Kermit, and now he’s wearing his skin as a coat. We had a good run.
My rating: 2
Very nice picture of Gonzo. I’ve been sitting here staring at it for a few minutes, waiting for some sort of opinion or joke to arise, but nothing’s coming to me. So I guess my big complaint is that it doesn’t inspire me? Yeah, not much of a comment. But a valid complaint nonetheless.
My rating: 3
Oh come on. There’s no way a claw is going to be able to hook on to Beaker’s skinny head. Those things can’t lift anything, especially something without much grip. This shirt is entirely too unbelievable, and I will not stand for this inaccuracy!
My rating: 3
Gonzo / Swedish Chef! / Animal!!!! RAWR!!!
I am entertained by these chibi-looking designs, but I’m mostly intrigued at the idea that Gonzo is dressed like my dad. Sure, it’s pretty wacky that he’s got a huge cartoony head and rounded-off limbs, but let’s not get too crazy with that button-down shirt and gray khakis.
My rating: 3
You know, if you tuck this shirt into your pants, Beaker’s expression takes on an entirely different meaning. This has been another case of ToughPigs Ruining Innocent Images!
My rating: 4
Most WantedCharacter designs with a thin outline, where their inside color matches the dark background, where the black is placed over a dark gray background, and where the letters take up the entire size of the image… Why bother with the characters at all if we’re not going to be able to see them?
My rating: 2
Kermit CoutureIt’s about time someone pay a little homage to the many faces of Kermit the Frog! Everyone from “Boffo Socko” Kermit to Rosenthal to Phillip Phil to Constantine is here. Each one of them could hold their own on a shirt, but put them together and we’ve got 12 times the awesomeness.
My rating: 5
Wave in the AirIf you end up wearing this shirt, it would be rude to not walk down the street with your arms all wiggly in the air while you endlessly shout for glee. Seriously, don’t be a jerk. Wiggle your arms and cheer, dammit.
My rating: 5
What the Meep!This shirt reads like “What the me… ep.” I don’t know what the me ep is, and I’m afraid to find out. Is it like an episode all about me? Or is Omar Epps talking about himself? Or maybe it’s initials… does Michael Eisner have a new EP out?
My rating: 3
Flight of the EaglesAh, the American eagle. So stoic. So regal. So magestic. So… judgmental, criticizing and superior. What a beautiful jerk, that eagle.
My rating: 5
All Muppets Can FlyyWHO IS FLYING THE PLANE?? NO TIME TO REVIEW THIS PICTURE, WE’RE GOING DOWN! MAYDAY MAYDAY.
My rating: 3
Is This the Real Life?How, I ask you, have we not seen any merchandise from the wildly popular Bohemian Rhapsody video? That seems like it would be a money machine. Heck, I’m ready to put a $20 bill into the mail to Threadless right now, and they haven’t even agreed to print this shirt yet.
My rating: 5
Doc Hopper’sWhat??? A distressed Doc Hopper’s Frog Legs t-shirt is a thing that could potentially be sold and worn by me?? I want it so badly, and then I want to marry the first person who looks at me and says that they’re picturing millions of frogs on tiny crutches.
My rating: 5
Muppets on a SubwayI’ve seen rats, birds, and various monsters on the New York subway system, but never a frog or a pig. Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if I did.
My rating: 3
It’s Time to Light the (Christmas) Lights
How many of these 8-bit designs have we seen now? And yet, this is the first one that bothered to try and depict a variation on the characters. It’s a great idea for a different sort of holiday shirt too, as it doesn’t really scream “Christmas”, but you know exactly what the reference is. Great homage.
My rating: 4
Kermit has a PosseYeah, Kermit has a posse. But you don’t get to see them. No, all you get is a little watercolor and a note about how teeny tiny he is. A guy that small, he probably needs a posse or two.
My rating: 2
Muppets Around the WorldI love that backlit effect where each character looks like they’re glowing a little. Then again, that glow may be an aftereffect from the radiation that caused them to grow thousands of feet into the air. I mean, that’s obviously what we’re looking at here, right?
My rating: 4
Skate More!You know what’s cool? Roller skating. You know what’s cooler? Nothing. Roller skating will never die.
My rating: 3
M World TourThis will be the distribution of ownership after the Muppets take over the world. How Zoot beat out everyone else for Europe is a bit of a mystery.
My rating: 4
Hop on the BusI usually like seeing a bunch of Muppets crammed into a small space like this, but everyone looks just a little sleepy. They must’ve been on the road all night to get this picture.
My rating: 2
Ride On KermitPeople spend so much time wondering how they got Kermit to ride a bike, but nobody ever wondered how he managed to do such sick tricks.
My rating: 4
Muppets All OverSeriously. Muppets performing their friends as puppets. Never not creepy.
My rating: 3
Muppet MentalitySo, you’re supposed to cut Elmo’s eyes out of the shirt so you can build a pair of non-functioning glasses? There are so many things wrong with that proposal, I can’t even begin to spare the brainpower to address them.
My rating: 1
Curtain Call!Everyone’s so intrigued as to how the big chicken act is going! I am too, but I’m good to watch the action from the audience. Go chicken, go!
My rating: 4
Kermit on WaxAccording to the artist, this is a reference to the legendary Blue Note Records. So let’s assume it’s a more direct reference, which necessitated Kermit’s uncharacteristic neck tie (not that he doesn’t look positively dapper in it). How bizarre and amazing would it be if Kermit actually released a banjo jazz album? I would buy 19 copies of that record.
My rating: 3
The Rainbow ConnectionProps for organizing the characters into chromatic order. It’s pretty cool seeing them lined up that way. Although Statler and Waldorf’s red scooters seem like cheating.
My rating: 3
Muppetational GatheringCute idea, but how about we get a shirt featuring the arches first, and then we can start looking into 8-bit variations on that design? Not everything has to be 8-bitted.
My rating: 3
Most WantedYou know who’s Most Wanted? Kermit, who is apparently missing and has been replaced with a walking cucumber with a fedora.
My rating: 1
Constantine Takes Over San Francisco
I know four things about San Francisco: They have trollies, they have steep hills, that’s where Full House takes place, and Rice-a-Roni doesn’t actually have anything to do with the city. None of these things tell me why Constantine would want to take over the town. Maybe he wants to come up with a solid reason for Rice-a-Roni to legitimately be the San Francisco Treat (ding ding).
My rating: 3
Dream BigHow exactly is Kermit dreaming big here? Does this take place before he leaves the swamp for Hollywood? Is he planning on flying to the moon? Or maybe we just can’t see his dreams because they’re taking place in his little froggy head. The correct answer: This piece would be better without those words to confuse me.
My rating: 4
Footloose & FancyfreeI like how the phrase and font really evoke Kermit the Frog, but it’d be nice to give Fozzie a little representation too. And the Saskatchewan Mountie. And the fork in the road. And Big Bird.
My rating: 3
Life on the RoadOh god, what happened to you two? Were you caught in a kitchen fire? Have you been living off garbage and sewer water? Did you fall asleep in the exhaust of a cross-country bus?
My rating: 2
Right Where We BelongToughPigs pal Kenny Durkin is the talented so-and-so responsible for this piece. Kenny has a really strong love for the characters, and he’s got the skills to back it up. Here, he provides a much appreciated update to Manhattan Melodies by expanding the cast and adding a little flair. You can practically see them all moving and dancing along with the song playing through your head.
My rating: Withheld, since the artist is one of us.
Angular AnimalWhat can we say about another picture of Animal that we haven’t already said? He sure is looking fierce, I guess. And… furry. Do you think these reviews are getting lazy?
My rating: 2
The Frog Really Stuck His Neck Out That Day
Kermit takes one for the team in this awesome piece by ToughPigs’ own Dan Romens! Dan is another one of those artists who really “get” the Muppets in his art. And it shows, not just from the spot-on likenesses, but from the characterization you get from their faces and action. Plus, it’s funny! That’s the best!
My rating: Withheld, since the artist is one of us.
SoupI know I’ve seen this piece somewhere before, but I can’t place where. Whatever the case, I really do love it. The Chef looks so proud to be cooking something that just might drag him into the pot and cook him along with the seafood. If that’s not a Muppet Show sketch, I don’t know what is.
My rating: 5
It’s Not Easy Being GreenWhat exactly is Kermit doing with his tiny, tiny hand there? Is he applying makeup? Washing his face? Getting ready to shave? (It’s too bad he doesn’t have any whiskers, but then he’d have to use a blade.) Whatever he’s doing, it’s much more concerning that he seems to be melting. Oh the things we miss when we’re staring into the mirror.
My rating: 2
Sgt. Floyd PepperOur pal Dan Romens has one more entry, and it’s this gorgeous painting of Floyd, which (I believe) he did in honor of Jerry Nelson after he passed. Seriously, have you ever seen such a beautiful thing? Of course you haven’t. This picture wins all contests.
My rating: Withheld, since the artist is one of us.
AnimalisticI never realized how well Animal lends himself to watercolor. He looks like he’s being absorbed into the paper, yet jumping off the page at the same time. Weird.
My rating: 4
Creation of MuppetsI’ve seen too many variations on this piece. James Hance did it, Dave Hulteen did it, and now some guy in a Threadless contest is doing it. That’s not to say there isn’t room for all three, but it does mean that we’re going to go ahead and compare. Sorry Threadless artist, but you’re going to lose that battle every time.
My rating: 3
Homeland SecurityWe’ve come to the end of the road! And we’re finishing with an airport security joke. (Not, as I thought when I first looked at it, a Wrath of Khan joke. Shame.) The x-ray doesn’t make much sense, but it’s a cute gag nonetheless. And it’s super appropriate for Sam to be the TSA agent. He’s probably keeping Kermit in there for hours while he checks every fold and crevice to make sure everyone flies safely. What a jerk.
My rating: 3
And now, because we think it’s interesting (in a totally nerdy/obsessive kind of way), here’s how many times each character was seen in the contest:
- Kermit – 130
- Animal – 70
- Miss Piggy – 67
- Gonzo – 58
- Fozzie Bear – 50
- Beaker – 46
- Sam the Eagle – 31
- The Swedish Chef – 30
- Bunsen Honeydew – 29
- Rowlf the Dog – 26
- Statler and Waldorf – 25
- Scooter – 24
- Dr. Teeth – 24
- Zoot – 22
- Janice – 21
- Floyd – 21
- Rizzo the Rat – 18
- Sweetums – 17
- Chickens – 15
- Pepe – 12
- Mahna Mahna and the Snowths – 9
- Lew Zealand – 7
- Walter – 7
- Crazy Harry – 6
- Ling Hogthrob – 6
- Dr. Strangepork – 5
- Newsman – 5
- Constantine 0 4
- Robin the Frog – 4
- Penguins – 4
- Pops – 3
- Bobo – 3
- Bean Bunny – 3
- Uncle Deadly – 3
- Beauregard – 3
- Thog – 3
- Lips – 2
- Marvin Suggs – 2
- George the Janitor – 2
- Mildred – 2
And because we’ve noticed a few trends, here are a few more things we spotted:
- Kermit’s banjo – 17
- International references – 16
- Drippy paint – 9
- Muppets in prison – 9
- Bicycles – 5
- The “M” logo – 4
- No Muppets at all – 3
- That creepy thing where Muppets are performing other Muppets as puppets – 3
That’s it! A million thanks go out to Threadless and all of the artists who provided their work for us to ramble on about. Stay tuned for the announcement of the winners, and keep your fingers crossed for your favorites to be printed as supercool t-shirts!
Click here to jump in front of a speeding tomato to save the ToughPigs forum!
by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com
