The Electric Mayhem is unequivocally and unarguably the greatest rock band of all time. What’s even more impressive is that they somehow manage to pull off some of the most epic moments in music history while visually impaired.
I’m sure many Muppet fans aside from myself have noticed that every member of The Muppet Show‘s house band has something interesting about their eyes, to the point where it can’t be a coincidence.
Of course, having perfect vision isn’t a requirement for tickling ivories or laying down a smooth groove. You’ve heard of Stevie Wonder? Or Ray Charles? (No, not that Ray Charles. The famous one.)
Dr. Teeth – the leader of this motley crew – seems to have the best vision of them all, with half-lenses of rose-colored glasses hanging over his eyes. You’d think he might only be set back with a light pink hue surrounding everything he sees, but the bottom edge of his glasses cuts right across his pupils. Dr. Teeth can’t see anything, because there’s a dark black line consistently in his line of vision.
Floyd’s eyes are a mystery. Are there eyeballs in there? Or just a black void that peers into his soul, rather than out into the world? Or maybe they’re stylized supercool sunglasses that I’m just not hip enough to get. Whatever the case, I’m dubious that his fashion choice (or natural eye shape) allows him to see in 20/20.
Janice’s eyes are closed. She can’t see shit.
Animal’s eyes are often wide open, and you’d think he can see everything. Except for two things: Animal is in a constant rage, which would almost undoubtedly affect the clarity of his vision. And according to Frank Oz, Animal’s personality can be summed up as “Sex, sleep, food, drugs, and pain.” Sleep comes in at #2, and I bet he just closes his eyes a lot more than we expect.
Speaking of sleep, our sax-playing narcoleptic Zoot has never been seen without his trademark sunglasses. Not only would they make it hard for him to see clearly, but I bet he uses them as an opportunity to close his eyes (and close out the world) at any opportunity, even in the middle of a jam session.
I think Lips has buttons for eyes? Like in that movie Coraline? Can someone ask him if he’s okay?
There have also been various guest musicians who came close to being official members of The Electric Mayhem: The trumpet girl, whose unruly mop of hair covers her eyes completely. Clifford, who (pre-Muppets Tonight) was never seen without his Zoot-style sunglasses. Band manager Scooter, who seems to have good vision, but we can all tell that he just painted eyes onto his glasses, and there’s literally nothing behind them.
Despite all of these setbacks, The Electric Mayhem continues to bring the house down with every gig. And yet, I can’t help but ask: If they can’t see, then how can they possibly Picture That?
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by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com
