Part One : Want a Cup?
Wilkins Coffee ads
Late 1950’s
In 1957, when Jim and Jane Henson were producing Sam and Friends in Washington DC, they were approached by a local coffee company to produce ads for Wilkins Coffee. The local stations only had ten seconds for station identification, so the commercials had to be lightning-fast — essentially, eight seconds for the commercial pitch and a two-second shot of the product. Henson took those eight second slots and created magic. Over the next few years, he made more than 300 commercials for Wilkins Coffee and other Wilkins products, including Community Coffee, Wilkins Tea and Kraml milk.
The ads starred two new Muppets — the cheerful Wilkins, who liked Wilkins Coffee, and the grumpy Wontkins, who hated it. And they were nutty beyond belief. How nutty? This nutty.
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“Grenade” |
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| [ Wilkins and Wontkins are in a foxhole, wearing shelter hats. Wilkins is holding a grenade. ] | |
| Wilkins
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Let’s take a Wilkins Coffee break! |
| Wontkins
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No. |
| Wilkins
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Then hold this while I have a cup. |
| [ Wilkins zips away. Boom! ] | |
| Wilkins
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Some people just go to pieces without their Wilkins Coffee! |
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“Close Shave” |
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| [ Wilkins is a barber, with a white coat. Wontkins is in the barber chair, face covered in shaving cream. ] | |
| Wontkins
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Gimme a close shave! |
| Wilkins
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Do you drink Wilkins Coffee? |
| Wontkins
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Never! |
| Wilkins
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My friend… [ Wilkins brandishes a huge razor. ] This is gonna be the closest shave you ever had! |
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“Blow Torch” |
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| [ Wilkins and Wontkins are working in a factory. Wilkins has a welder’s mask and a blow torch. Wontkins has a cigar in his mouth. ] | |
| Wontkins
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Let’s take a break! |
| Wilkins
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Ah! Community Coffee time. Want a cup? |
| Wontkins
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No, gimme a light! |
| [ Wilkins blasts the blow torch in Wontkins’ face. Wontkins is blackened, the cigar burnt to a crisp. ] | |
| Wilkins
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He’s smoking more now and enjoying it less! |
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“Club” |
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| [ Wontkins looks warily at a pile of Wilkins Coffee cans. Wilkins has a big wooden club. ] | |
| Wilkins
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Have some Wilkins Coffee? |
| Wontkins
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Well, I — |
| [ Thunk! Wilkins hits Wontkins with the club. ] | |
| Wontkins
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I say, uh — |
| [ Thunk! ] | |
| Wontkins
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I’ll take some! |
| Wilkins
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Surprising how many people are switching to Wilkins Coffee! |
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“Bank Robber” |
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| [ Wilkins is a bank teller, holding a coffee cup. Wontkins enters, with a mask over his face. Wilkins looks around furtively. ] | |
| Wontkins
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This is a stickup! Gimme the money! |
| Wilkins
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Sorry, I’m on my Comunity Coffee break! |
| Wontkins
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C’mon, lemme have it! |
| [ A panel opens in the desk, revealing a machine gun. Wilkins shoots Wontkins, who collapses. ] | |
| Wilkins
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I hate interruptions! |
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“Falling Safe” |
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| [ Wilkins and Wontkins are standing on a street corner. Wilkins is holding a string tied to something out of view. ] | |
| Wontkins
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Hey, where can I get a cup of coffee? |
| Wilkins
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Wilkins Coffee? |
| Wontkins
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Any kind of coffee! |
| [ Wilkins pulls the string. A safe drops on Wontkins’ head, crushing him. ] | |
| Wilkins
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I guess he must be what you’d call accident prone. |
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“Jingle in Bed” |
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| [ Wilkins and Wontkins are sleeping together in a double bed. Wilkins sits up in bed and sings a Wilkins jingle. ] | |
| Wilkins
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More and more people are waking UP to Wilkins Coffee! |
| [ Wontkins wakes up. ] | |
| Wontkins
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QUIET! |
| [ Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club. Wontkins falls back on the pillow. ] | |
| Wilkins
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Some people go to sleep with it. Wilkins Decaffeinated, of course. |
by Danny Horn
