As a well-connected Muppet fan, chances are that you have heard the big news.No, not that Thog was appointed as George W. Bush’s new press secretary. The Fraggle Rock movie is officially in pre-pre-preproduction! Ok, maybe that’s old news for those of us who read about it two years ago, but it’s always nice to see something new when you do a Google search for “Fraggle”.

Earlier this month, The Weinstein Company announced that they’ll be distributing the upcoming Fraggle flick. Their press release states that the movie will be a “live action musical rebirth of [a] classic television franchise”. Unfortunately, many bloggers out in Internetopia didn’t bring their dictionaries to the table, and lost the meaning of “live action.” And while we’d all like to believe that Fraggles are alive and breathing, puppetry is still a live-action medium.

But now that the question has been raised, who could you see in a live-action-people-not-puppets Fraggle Rock film? Well, hold your questions til the end, because I did all the heavy lifting for you (not to mention all the metaphor-mixing).

The Fraggle Five

Gobo is our everyman, willing to jump into adventure head-first.Who better to fill his non-shoes than Owen Wilson? He’ll give some Frat Pack notability to the movie, plus he’s wily enough to get that postcard out of the trash without getting caught by a giant dog.

I chose Lisa Kudrow as Mokey, since they both enjoy singing at odd times. Plus, they’re both a little bit aloof. Can’t go wrong with aloof.

Wembley, the indecisive everybody’s-pal of the group will be played by Matthew Lillard. Matt already has some Muppet-interaction under his belt, and he’s probably dying to share a room with Owen Wilson.

I opted for Alyson Hannigan as Red. And all the time, I assumed it would end up as an okay joke. But she’s actually pretty cute with the pom-pom pigtails. And once I was all done with the photoshopping, I didn’t feel like going back with someone funnier. So you’re stuck with it.

Everyone’s favorite downer, Boober, will be played by Bill Murray, whose recent roles in Lost in Translation, Broken Flowers, and just about every Wes Anderson movie have awarded him with being the most depressed character actor in film today. Plus, I hear he really loves doing his own laundry.

The Gorgs

That foreboding presence! That booming voice! Who else could play Pa Gorg than John Goodman? Y’know, other than Jerry Nelson and Gord Robertson. Go rent King Ralph and tell me that you can’t see Goodman as the King of the Universe. I dare ya.

There’s only one woman who’d be able to rule house and home for a Gorg family, and that’s Kathy Bates. Just pretend you didn’t see her naked in About Schmidt, and pretend that she won’t look like the creepy-eyed Ma from the first season of Fraggle Rock. And whatever you do, don’t picture season 1 Ma naked.

There’s already a large, dim-witted butterfingers on TV today, and he’s on My Name is Earl. Ethan Suplee would fit right in as Junior Gorg. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes Fraggle-hunting in his spare time.

Everyone else

I would not be surprised if Traveling Matt’s antics were inspired by Gene Wilder’s home movies.Besides the fact that they have the same hairstyle, they both have that confused brilliance that earns them the reward of newfound knowledge (at the risk of a few cuts and bruises along the way). Also, did you know that Traveling Matt was the original choice for the lead in Haunted Honeymoon? It’s a made-up fact!

Doc, being the only “real” character in outer space will be the only one not played by an actor. Instead, Grandpa from The Simpsons will fill the role as Tinkerer of the Year. Sprocket will be played by Eddie the dog from Frasier, because c’mon, that is one cute dog.

Ok, maybe I took it a little too far with Verne Troyer as a Doozer. But it was either him or Dakota Fanning, and Troyer lost the toss.

After looking at these images, I am thanking the Frog left and right for the fact that “live action” includes puppets. Seriously, nobody wants to see Ben Stiller and Jack Black as Philo and Gunge. It’s not good for your soul.

Special thanks to ToughPigs’ own Anthony for his assistance on this article!

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by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com

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