The Jim Henson Hour
Monster Telethon, Part 6:
Don’t Panic
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Dave Goelz (Gonzo, Digit), Kevin Clash (Leon), Steve Whitmire (Bean, Foo Foo), Fran Brill (Vicki), Gordon Robertson (Lindy), Jennifer Lee (Bootsie), Andrew Wilson (Brad), Erica Lancaster (Amanda).
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[ As we return from commercial, Kermit relaxes in the hammock. ]
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| Kermit
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What a beautiful spot. Isn’t this a beautiful spot? This is a beautiful spot. Look at that water… and that sand… and that water… hmmm. I wonder how the gang is doing.
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[ Back at the studio: The gang is not doing well. ]
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| Gonzo
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He can’t even see us! If he only knew —
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| Leon
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I got an idea! I got an idea!
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| Vicki
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PEO-PLLLLLE! There is no need to panic. Now, Leon, you take over Gonzo’s responsibilities…
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| Leon
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What!?
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| Vicki
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Gonzo, you take over my job…
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| Gonzo
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I didn’t know I had responsibilities.
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| Vicki
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Yes. And I will take over Mr Kermit’s. Now. The first thing I think we should do…
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| All
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Oh no, you don’t!
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| Vicki
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What?
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| Leon
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A job like this requires artistic vision!
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| Vicki
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Well, I have that…
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| Gonzo
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Thank you, Leon. A-hem. As my first decision: Chickens on Roller Skates.
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| Leon
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NO!
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| Vicki
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No, no, no. Well, listen! We have to do something… They’re watching.
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[ Vicki points at the audience. They all look at the screen, cough and giggle nervously. ]
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| Lindy
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[ whispers: ] Digit’s the one who puts stuff on.
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| Vicki
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Well, where is Digit?
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| Leon
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DIGIT!
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| Vicki
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Digit, get out here!
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| Gonzo
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Di-git!
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| [ Digit comes out on roller skates. ]
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| djd
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I’m co-ming… whoa-oa-oa!
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| [ Digit careens into the screen, which changes to the Fashion Dolls sketch. ]
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[ Amanda places her new set in the Bootsie dream house. ]
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| Amanda
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Wait until you’re in your new suit, Bootsie. Everyone’s going to have to listen to you.
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[ Bootsie stands behind a podium. ]
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| Bootsie
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… I’m sorry, but I can’t take any more questions, because I’ve got to go shopping for a BIG DATE tonight!
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| [ Brad enters. ]
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| Brad
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Hey, Boots. What goes?
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| Bootsie
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Can’t you tell? I’ve zinged into a whole new thing! Now I’m Bootsie for President! I come with my own Oval Office, and a four-year supply of swingy Bootsie outfits, that take me from war room to ballroom!
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| Brad
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Wow, Bootsie! With you as president, it’ll really be a kinder, swingier nation! Ha ha ha!
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| Bootsie
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Oh, Brad. Be serious for a second. This is the highest office of America! It’s almost more important than being a high-fashion model!
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| Brad
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But, Boots… what do I do when you’re rushing to meetings with Soviet leaders?
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| Bootsie
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I thought of that, Brad. You can be vice president!
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| Brad
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Me? Would I be any good at it?
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| Bootsie
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You’d be PERFECT!
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| Brad
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But… what would I do?
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| Bootsie
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Well… you could stand behind the podium!
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| Brad
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Okay! I could do that!
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| [ As Brad stands behind the podium, Amanda shines a flashlight on him to make a spotlight. A crowd roars. ]
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| Brad
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My fellow Americans… This proves what my grandmother always said: In this country, anyone can become vice president!
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| Bootsie
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If you have the right look!
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