The Jim Henson Hour
Monster Telethon, Part 5:
The Weatherbear
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Fozzie Bear), Dave Goelz (Gonzo), Kevin Clash (Leon).
|
|
[ In the studio, Gonzo watches the end of the soap opera, and sighs. ]
|
| Gonzo
|
Pfft. Brother.
|
| Leon
|
Gonzo… are you upset about something?
|
| Gonzo
|
Well, Kermit put THAT on the air instead of my chickens!
|
| Leon
|
Urgh! I can do better than THAT!
|
| Gonzo
|
Sure! But, then, Kermit’s the guy in charge…
|
| Leon
|
Say… who PUT Kermit in charge?
|
| Gonzo
|
I don’t know…
|
| [ Leon gives Gonzo a shifty look. ]
|
|
| Leon
|
Are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
|
| Gonzo
|
… Naw …
|
| Leon
|
Neither am I. Nah.
|
| [ Digit comes by on roller skates. Kermit is chasing him. ]
|
|
| Kermit
|
Okay, Digit, stand by with Fozzie Bear — Digit! Wait a second, there…
|
| Leon
|
Excuse me, Kermit!
|
| Kermit
|
Uh… just a second, guys, I’ll be with you in a minute, uh… Go ahead and cue Fozzie now.
|
| [ Digit presses a button on his remote. ]
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh — here it is! The doorway to my future. He must be right in there — the king of TV weathermen — Willard Scott! Oh, my behavior must be dignified, yet casual. Respectful, yet relaxed.
|
| Willard
|
[ coming up behind him: ] Hi there!
|
| Fozzie
|
Whaaaaa!
|
| Willard
|
Hey! It’s the funniest face on television — except for Gene Shalit, of course — Fozzie Bear! What can I do for ya?
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh, Mr Scott, sir — I am here to learn how to be a TV weatherman, just like you!
|
| Willard
|
Well, that’s very flattering, Fozzie, thank you very much.
|
| Fozzie
|
I’ve got my very own pointy weatherstick here, see?
|
| Willard
|
Right…
|
| Fozzie
|
And I also have a toupee…
|
| Willard
|
Right…
|
| Fozzie
|
Yeah, what more could a weatherbear need, sir?
|
| Willard
|
I don’t think you need much! You’re on your way to TV stardom! Pretty soon, you’ll be getting fruitcakes from your adoring public!
|
| Fozzie
|
Fruitcakes.
|
| Willard
|
Yeah. You see, they don’t pay me here. I live like a KING on the fruitcake of strangers! Would you like a piece?
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh, yes, SIR!
|
| Willard
|
I got some in here that are real beauts… They’re almost like antiques! Maybe three or four dollars in value!
|
| Fozzie
|
Wow!
|
| Willard
|
[ going into the Fruitcake Archives: ] Uh, Foz?
|
| Fozzie
|
Yes?
|
| Willard
|
The light’s burned out…
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh…
|
| Willard
|
Could you do me a favor?
|
| Fozzie
|
Yeah?
|
| Willard
|
Would you hold the door?
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh, sure…
|
| [ The door slams shut. ]
|
|
| Fozzie
|
… You mean NOW.
|
| [ Fozzie tries the door — it’s locked. ]
|
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh, no… Do you have the keys?
|
| Willard
|
[ inside: ] Yeah, Foz… I’ve got ’em right here in my… hand…
|
| Fozzie
|
Ohhh… uh, uh, don’t panic, I’ll go get help! Oh…
|
| Willard
|
[ inside: ] Make it fast, Foz!
|
|
|
[ Jane Pauley is at the Today Show desk. ]
|
| Jane
|
Welcome back to Today. It’s time for the weather… with Fozzie Bear?
|
| Fozzie
|
Help! Help! Help! Willard is — [ He stops short. ] — Is that camera ON?
|
| Jane
|
It certainly is!
|
| Fozzie
|
Ahhhhh-hhhh! Good morning, America!
|
| Jane
|
Watch your LANGUAGE, Fozzie! Now, what were you saying?
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh, uh… Nothing. Nothing. Except, uh — I am your new weatherbear! See, I got my pointy stick and everything.
|
| Jane
|
That’s very professional, but… isn’t that Willard’s job?
|
| Fozzie
|
No. No. Uh… funny you should ask, uh, Willard could not make it, uh, he told me to take over.
|
| Jane
|
Wait a minute. Where’s Willard?
|
| [ Fozzie goes to the weather map. ]
|
|
| Fozzie
|
Hi! I’m your new weatherbear! Ha ha ha. And — [ He gets a look at the confusing map ] — HO-LY COW… Uh… Oh! Ha ha! Well, I guess, as you can plainly see, there’s, uh… well, there’s all this white stuff over here… and, oh — cute little pennants up here… and there’s a giant L over here near Nebraska! All you people in Nebraska — you STAY in your HOMES until we can find a way to get the L out of there! Ah ha ha ha ha! Yeah. Well. Um. Now, over here —
|
|
|
[ Willard busts through the map. ]
|
| Fozzie
|
… We have a man with a fruitcake…
|
| [ Fozzie puts his head in his hands and whimpers. ]
|
|
| Willard
|
Awww, Fozzie… Fozzie, I’m afraid you’re just not cut out to be a weatherbear.
|
| Fozzie
|
No… ohhh…
|
| Willard
|
But, listen, I’ve found some great stuff in my closet that I think you are going to love.
|
| Fozzie
|
What?
|
| Willard
|
Take a look at this… A big nose with glasses?
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh! Yes!
|
| Willard
|
And a slightly used whoopee cushion…
|
| Fozzie
|
Oh! My old friend!
|
| Willard
|
And wait a minute… I saved the best for last, baby! This is it! A hilarious banana peel!
|
| Fozzie
|
Now, THAT’s funny!
|
| [ Willard whips off his toupee and mugs for the camera. Fozzie does the same. ]
|
|
| Willard
|
Wocka wocka!
|
| Fozzie
|
Wocka wocka!
|
| Willard
|
Wocka wocka!
|
| Fozzie
|
Wocka wocka! Ah ha ha ha!
|
|
|
[ Back to the studio. ]
|
| Gonzo
|
He’s never going to go along with this!
|
| Leon
|
Ssssh! Ready?
|
| Gonzo
|
Yes…
|
| Kermit
|
Did you guys want to talk to me about something?
|
| Leon
|
Yes, we do, cuz! Has anyone ever suggested that a few more people should have a hand in running this show?
|
| Kermit
|
How do you mean?
|
| Gonzo
|
Well… letting someone else have a turn.
|
| Kermit
|
Well, that’s a good idea.
|
| Leon
|
Now, before you reject this out of hand, uh… what did you say?
|
| Kermit
|
I said, that’s a great idea! I don’t know why I’ve never thought of it myself! You know, I could use the time away.
|
| Gonzo
|
Away? B-b-but… where would you go?
|
| Kermit
|
Oh, well, uh… See that up there? Doesn’t that look nice?
|
| Gonzo
|
Yeah…
|
| Kermit
|
I tell you what, guys. Have fun, keep the ratings up, and don’t forget to roll the credits when you’re through.
|
|
|
[ Kermit exits. ]
|
| Gonzo
|
‘Kay. Bon voyage.
|
| Leon
|
GREAT!
|
| Gonzo
|
Yeah!
|
| Leon
|
He bought it! Yes! Yes! Ha ha ha.
|
| Gonzo
|
Uh, Leeee-on…
|
| Leon
|
Yeah?
|
| Gonzo
|
Uh… what do we do now?
|
| [ They look at each other… then up at the monitor. On the monitor, Kermit enters a beautiful beach scene. ]
|
|
| Kermit
|
Oh, this is great. Peace and quiet.
|
| [ As Kermit gets settled, Gonzo and Leon stare at the camera. They have no idea what to do next. ]
|
