The Jim Henson Hour
Monster Telethon, Part 2:
We Need More Money!
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Dave Goelz (Gonzo, Digit, Blue Monster), Kevin Clash (Host Monster), Steve Whitmire (Purple Monster), Gordon Robertson (Pink Monster, Luncheon Counter Monster), Rob Mills (Codzilla), unknown (Lion).
| Gonzo
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Kermit, you’re in luck! The chickens and I have worked up a great act!
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| Kermit
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Well, Gonzo, I don’t really need any more acts.
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| Gonzo
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But this is more than an act! This is an opening number!
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| Kermit
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But I’ve already got a great opening number! Hey, Digit, cue the Nylons!
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| [ The Nylons are cued. In the opening number, the white lion sits outside the New York public library. The Nylons, a quintet of squeaky-voiced bachelors, sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” as they bring the lion through the city. They wheel the lion on his platform through Central Park and into a jungle, where he falls asleep. ]
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| Kermit
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See? I knew it’d be a great opening number!
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| Gonzo
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But, Kermit —
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| Kermit
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Gonzo, the answer is NO!
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| Gonzo
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But at least let me TELL you about this great new chicken act!
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| Kermit
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NO!
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| Gonzo
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It’s the definitive roller poultry version of The Sound of Music!
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| Kermit
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Roller poultry?
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| Gonzo
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I’m glad you asked!
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| Kermit
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Uh, I didn’t ask…
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| [ Gonzo whistles. All of a sudden, chickens appear on roller skates, whirling around Kermit and clucking a high-pitched version of “The Sound of Music.” ]
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| Kermit
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Uh, Gonzo… uh, wait a second…
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| Gonzo
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Aren’t they beautiful?
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| Kermit
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Uh, chickens… wait a minute… uh… HOLD IT!
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| [ Startled, the chickens all stop short, and collide with each other. Kermit ends up buried under a pile of chickens. He pokes his head up from under the feathers. ]
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| Kermit
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Digit! Do we have anything that isn’t on roller skates?
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| [ Digit skates by. ]
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| Digit
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I can’t hear you, Kermit, I’m on roller skates!
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| Kermit
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Just cue the telethon!
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| Digit
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I’m trying!
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| [ Digit presses a button on his remote. ]
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|
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[ Cut to the Monster Telethon. ]
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| Host M
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O-kay! This is our 78th hour of the Monsterthon. Let’s see how we’re doing!
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|
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[ The Luncheon Counter Monster munches on the tote board. ]
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| LCM
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NEED MORE!!!
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| [ The monsters all laugh. ]
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| Host M
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Well, as you can see, WE NEED MORE MONEY!
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| Purple M
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Hey, hey — tell ’em why we need more money!
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| Host M
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Why do we need more money?
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| Purple M
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Yeah!
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| Host M
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BECAUSE WE WANT IT!
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| [ The monsters scream and laugh. ]
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| Pink M
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YEAH! WANT YOUR MO-NEY!
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| Blue M
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And if you don’t give it to us, we’ll come around and stick a piano UP YOUR NOSE!
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| Host M
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Heh heh ha ha! Up your nose! Ha.
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