Hipsters and Squares, Part Nine

Published: July 9, 2004

Hipsters and Squares
Part 9: Crazy Rhythm

So, hey, speaking of that Hipsters vs Squares dynamic, I haven’t mentioned the most important Hipster/Square team: Ernie and Bert.It’s hard to see Ernie as much of a hipster, really, but check out this sketch and see if you don’t start thinking of Bert as the perfect square.

Cast: Jim Henson (Ernie), Frank Oz (Bert).

	(Bert chuckles as he looks at his new bass drum.)
Ernie	Bert! What is this, Bert?
Bert	Oh, oh, Ernie, hi! Hey, this is my new drum set.
Ernie	Drum set?
Bert	Yeah!
Ernie	Why, Bert, do you play the drums?
Bert	Do I play the drums? Is Big Bird yellow? Of course I play the drums — and when I play the drums, Ernie, I am the most far out hepcat and swingy person of them all!
Ernie	Oh, Bert! Hey, Bert — I’d like to hear that, Bert!
Bert	You would?
Ernie	Mm hmm!

Bert	Okay, okay. Stand back, and I will show you a far out super hep swinging swaying drum solo.
Ernie	Oh, yeah, Bert!
Bert	A one and a two and a —
	BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Bert	Oh, groove with me, baby!
	BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Ernie	Uh…
	BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Bert	You gotta have soul!
	BOOM. BOOM.
Ernie	Uh, Bert… Bert…
	BOOM. BOOM.
Bert	Don’t stop me now!
	BOOM. BOOM.

Ernie	Uh, Bert, is that all you’re gonna do, Bert?
	(Bert stops cold.)
Bert	Is that all I’m going to do? Who could ask for anything more?
	BOOM. BOOM.

Ernie	Well, Bert, wait a second. How about you play a different kind of rhythm, Bert?
Bert	What do you mean?
Ernie	Well, listen, suppose you could play like this, Bert. Now, listen to this.
	(Ernie plays “shave and a haircut” on his drum kit.)
Ernie	You see? Or you could play a slightly different kind of a rhythm. You could play a rhythm like this.
	(Ernie plays another rhythm, ending with a cymbal shot.)
Ernie	How about that, Bert? Why don’t you play like that, Bert?

Bert	Ernie… let’s face it. You do your kind of drumming, and I’ll do my kind of drumming. We’ll just never get together on it, you know?
	BOOM. BOOM.
Ernie	Oh, I don’t know, Bert. You know, maybe we could get together on it, Bert. See, suppose you do your kind of drumming, and I’ll do my kind of drumming at the same time — why, they might sound good together, Bert!
Bert	That’s so crazy it just might work!

Ernie	You start, Bert. Go ahead.
Bert	Oh, okay. Here we go. A one and a two and a chicka booma chick!
	BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
Ernie	Okay, Bert — I’m coming in now!
	(Ernie starts drumming, and it’s so crazy that it works. Bert is keeping time as Ernie drums away.)
Ernie	Doesn’t that sound nice, Bert?
Bert	Swinging!
	(They keep drumming.)

Ernie	How about a little faster, Bert?
Bert	Uh — I’ll try!
	(They keep drumming.)
Ernie	Here we go, Bert!
Bert	Oh, I’ve never done this before!
Ernie	Oh, wow, Bert! Here we go, big finish, Bert! Three! Two! One! WHOO!
	(Ernie smacks the cymbal, and the picture falls off the wall.)
Bert	Gracious! That was really cold. I mean, cool!