Chapter 4. No More Gligs
in which Ploobis endangers a species
(November 8, 1975 — host Candice Bergen)
| [ King Ploobis is chomping on a bone greedily, as his servant Vazh waits in attendance. ] | |
| Ploobis
|
Mmm, grrmmm. Oh. Yeah. These gligs are really claw-lickin’ good. Tell me, Vazh, is there any more extra crispy left? |
| Vazh
|
Oh, no. |
| Ploobis
|
No? |
| Vazh
|
No. |
| Ploobis
|
Well, why didn’t you prepare more? You know the gligs are my favorite dish. |
| Vazh
|
Oh, but Ploobis, there are only a pair of them left. A male and a female. |
| Ploobis
|
Whurrrg. But I remember that once the prairies of Gorch used to teem with great flocks of gligs! |
| Vazh
|
I know. But we’ve used them all up. What should we do with the last two? Hors d’oeuvres? Or maybe a hat to go with my gligskin coat? |
| Ploobis
|
A coat? Nrrrrhhh! You see, it’s people like you that have brought the gligs to the verge of extinction. |
| Vazh
|
But, Ploobis… you gave me that coat, remember? On that long weekend… |
| Ploobis
|
Ooorg. Yeah. Listen, uh, Vazh — why don’t you just keep that weekend between you and me… |
| Vazh
|
Oh. Oh, sure… |
| [ Ploobis canoodles with Vazh as Queen Peuta enters, shrieking as usual. ] | |
| Peuta
|
PLOOBIS! |
| Ploobis
|
Uhrr! Ruhhr! Yeah! Yes, m’dear! |
| Peuta
|
What’s going ON out here? |
| Ploobis
|
Uh, nothing! Nothing. I was just, uh, I was just giving some advice to the servant here. Uh. Vazh, why don’t you go out and, uh, milk the gorkon. |
| Vazh
|
Again? |
| Ploobis
|
Now, just get on out here… [ Ploobis hustles Vazh out. ] |
| Peuta
|
Well, dear. How do you like my new shoes, hanh? |
| Ploobis
|
Mmm? |
| Peuta
|
And handbag? |
| Ploobis
|
Wait a minute! That — that’s made out of gligskin! |
| Peuta
|
Uh huh! |
| Ploobis
|
Yeah! And those shoes! Why, it must’ve taken three gligs for those shoes alone! |
| Peuta
|
That’s right! One for each foot. |
| [ Peuta exits. ] | |
| Ploobis
|
Rrrruhhr… Scred! Scred, come in here! |
| [ Scred enters. ] | |
| Scred
|
(singing) Don’t ask me if I love you, I’d have to tell a lie… |
| Ploobis
|
Scred! Com’ere. Listen. It has come to me that there are only two gligs left in all of Gorch. |
| Scred
|
Hmmm. |
| Ploobis
|
What do we do? |
| Scred
|
Hm. How’s about we stuff ’em and put ’em in the Gorch museum? |
| Ploobis
|
SCRED! [ POW! — Ploobis cuffs Scred on the head. ] |
| Scred
|
I guess not, huh? |
| Ploobis
|
No. What we do is… we ask the advice of The Mighty Favog! |
| [ GONNNNG! ] | |
| Favog
|
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. TALK TA ME. |
| Ploobis
|
OH, MIGHTY FAVOG! |
| Favog
|
DON’T SHOUT… |
| Ploobis
|
Oh, Mighty Favog. |
| Favog
|
DAT’S NICE. |
| Ploobis
|
I got a problem. |
| Favog
|
BUSINESS, SPORTS OR PERSONAL? |
| Ploobis
|
Uh… Scred? |
| Scred
|
Ecological, oh grand polluter. |
| Ploobis
|
It’s ecological! |
| Favog
|
(sniff) IT’S GONNA COST YA. TWO CHICKENS AND A GLIG. |
| Ploobis
|
Pay him, Scred! |
| Scred
|
Oh, yeah. Hmm hmm hmm. Two chickens! [ Scred dumps two chickens into the sacrificial well. ] Get in there, ya little guys. |
| [ The chickens fall in, but there’s no splash sound-effect. That’s live TV for ya. ] | |
| Ploobis
|
Mmm hmm. And one glig. |
| Scred
|
Oh, we don’t have a glig. Let’s see. Oh, look! |
| Ploobis
|
Ah! There, there! |
| [ Ploobis and Scred dive for a passing glig. They grab it, and it struggles to get free. ] | |
| Glig
|
Oh, please! Don’t hurt me! Oh, please! Ya got me! Oh, please! HELLLLLLPPPP! |
| [ Ploobis tosses the screaming glig into the well. It falls with a splash. ] | |
| Favog
|
EMOTIONAL LITTLE DEVIL. AWRIIIIIGHT. WHAT’S YER PROBLEM? |
| Ploobis
|
Well, the problem is this. You see, we only have two gligs. |
| Scred
|
Mmm mmm. Sire, sire… [ Scred whispers in Ploobis’ ear: ] Wuzza fuzza two gligs wuzza wuzza one glig wuzza Favog. |
| Ploobis
|
Mmm? Uhhhh… We only got one glig in all of Gorch. And the problem is… how do we get more gligs? |
| Favog
|
YA SHOULDA SAID SOMETHING SOONER. AWRIGHT. TAKE BACK YER GLIG. |
| [ The glig pops up from the well, gasping for air. ] | |
| Glig
|
Thank goodness! |
| Ploobis
|
Ahh! Come back here, you! |
| [ Ploobis grabs the glig, and tosses it into the air. ] | |
| Ploobis
|
Go forth! Be fruitful, and multiply! |
| Glig
|
I’M COMING, BERNICE!!! |
Gorch Fact
The Glig is voiced by Frank Oz. “Bernice” is also the name of Bert’s favorite pigeon; make of that what you will.
This is Fran Brill’s first appearance performing Vazh.
Something that I think is interesting about this sketch is that it’s starting to create a richer environment for the Gorch characters. I don’t know who wrote these sketches, but I doubt it was the Henson team, since they tend to have an anti-climactic non-punchline structure that doesn’t seem very Henson. Still, it’s interesting to see another Muppet “world” getting sketched out over time. It’s like everything that Henson touched started a new “world,” with a more or less rich environment for the characters to move around in.
It’s a shame, then, that before long the characters are forced to leave Gorch and wander alone in the world. (That’s foreshadowing. Stay tuned.)
by Danny Horn
