The Decline and Fall of Gorch, Chapter Fourteen

Published: July 14, 2002
Categories: Uncategorized

15gorchChapter 14
Life Goes On

in which The Mighty Favog tries to cut a deal
(May 8, 1976 — host Madeline Kahn)

The story so far: The Muppets are fired.

The Gorch set has been destroyed. The cast and the writers don’t like the Muppets. They’re going off to do The Muppet Show in England anyway. And the last time we saw the Gorch characters, in late April 1976, they were getting into the trunk to be packed away.

But leave it to the Muppets to have a couple tricks left up their sleeve…

[ Chevy Chase is standing backstage, next to the prop trunk. He polishes his sunglasses. ]
Chevy


I don’t think these look girlish. They look good to me. [ He puts the glasses back on. ]
[ The lid of the trunk cracks open, and Scred peeks out. ]
Scred


Chevy? Chevy Chase, is that you? It’s me, Scred, remember?
Chevy


Scred!
Scred


Yeah! [ He pops up. ]
Chevy


Hey, Scred! Nice to see ya!
Scred


Yeah, remember, I used to have that dressing room over there, under the sink?
Chevy


Oh, yeah… hey, listen, y’know, we were all pretty sorry to hear you guys got cancelled, Scred, but, uh — y’know, that’s show business. I mean…
Scred


[ sigh ] Yeah…
Chevy


One day, you’re on top of the world, the next day, you’re, uh… inside a trunk. I guess that’s the way it is.
Scred


Yeah. Let me get outta here. [ He hops out of the trunk and leans over Chevy’s shoulder. ] Hey, hey, listen, Chevy — don’t you think you could talk to the producer, Lorne Michaels, and ask him to let us back on the show, huh? Dontcha think so? Huh? Huh? Dontcha think?
Chevy


Well, Scred, I don’t know… I mean, now the show’s a hit, and it’s a pretty big success, and I think it might’ve kinda gone to Lorne’s head, ya know? I mean, right now he’s not even here, I think he’s out having dinner with Lee Ratzwell or something, so…
Scred


No wonder he’s not interested in us anymore.
Chevy


Yeah.
Scred


Yeah, well.
Chevy


I think the man’s got a little too big to work with felt anymore, Scred.
Scred


Yeah. Phooey.
Chevy


I’m sorry.
Scred


Hey, Chevy, uh — ahem — listen, uh… I hear that Lorne’s trying to get the Beatles for the show, huh?
Chevy


Yeah. Yeah. He’s had lunch four times with Peter Best. Scred — could you use a mouthwash or something?
Scred


Sorry. Ahem. But, listen — I have a friend who happens to know the Beatles personally.
Chevy


Really? Who?
[ Cut to: The Mighty Favog, sitting on a crate. ]
Favog


SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH YEAH YEAH… AWRIGHT. HERE’S THE DEAL. TELL MICHAELS HE TAKES BACK THE MUPPETS, I THROW IN THE BEATLES FOR NOTHIN’.
Chevy


Favog… you’re sure we’re talking about the same Beatles?
Favog


THE OOBLADI, OOBLADA, LIFE GOES ON, BRAAAA, BEATLES? THOSE THE ONES?
Chevy


Those are the ones. You know them, huh?
Favog


ARE YOU KIDDIN’? I AM THE WALRUS.
Scred


I thought you was the egg man.
Favog


SCRED? TELL ‘IM.
Scred


Oh, yeah. Hey, remember when the Beatles went to India?
Chevy


Yeah, to see the Maharishi, right?
Scred


Uh uh.
Chevy


Uh huh.
Favog


OMMMMMMMMM.
Scred


Mani Padme Hum, yeah, yeah. And tell him about the time you told Paul your favorite number…
Favog


SCRED, SCRED… I THINK WE MADE OUR POINT.
Chevy


Well, uh, listen, fellas, I’ll certainly tell Lorne about this.
Favog


HEY, HEY — TELL ‘IM, HE TAKES THE MUPPETS, THE BEATLES ARE GRAVY. GOT IT?
Chevy


Great. Okay. I’ll tell him right now. Scred, good to see you. [ He pats Scred on the head. ]
Favog


G’BYE.
Scred


Okay.
Chevy


Okay. So long.
Favog


OKAY.
Scred


Bye bye.
[ Chevy leaves. ]
Scred


Oh, Mighty Favog — you’ve done it again!
Favog


AWRIIIIGHT!
Scred


Yeah, yeah! I feel like a new Muppet!
Favog


AND IN THE END… THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE. YEAHHHH.
Scred


Strawberry Fields Forever!

Gorch Fact

Add Chevy Chase to the short list of people on Saturday Night Live who apparently liked the Muppets. This sketch was written by Chevy, and it’s nice that — unlike most of the other “Muppets are cancelled” sketches in this period — it actually ends on a hopeful, upbeat note. The “get in the trunk” sketch in the last episode was a pretty depressing suicide metaphor, but this one at least ends with the momentary illusion of success.

And would you believe it if I told you there was still one more Gorch sketch?

by Danny Horn

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