Part Five: Hey A Movie
| [ The show takes place on a loading dock, behind the Muppet Theater where MuppetVision 3D is being shown. The loading dock looks like the back of a factory, labeled “A.A. CHUE FLOWER SUPPLY.” The audience stands around in kind of a big parking lot. There are a bunch of props around the lot, including Miss Piggy’s pink trailer, a cannon, and a bunch of movie lights. An Announcer is heard, corraling everyone over to the show, and asking for quiet on the set. But behind one of the big metal doors, we hear drums pounding… ] | |
| Animal
|
OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN! MOVIE! MOVIE! MOVIE, MOVIE, MOVIE! [ The door opens, and Animal emerges, pounding on a huge drum kit. ] ANIMAL, ANIMAL, MOVIE! MOVIE! HELLO! HELLO! ANIMAL, ANIMAL, ANIMAL, DRUMS! |
| [ Janice and Floyd enter from another door. Floyd is playing a bass lick to accompany Animal. ] | |
| Janice
|
Oh, wow! Hey, look at the people! Hey, kids! How ya doin? Far out! Awesome! Hey, stick around! We’re making a movie on location! |
| Animal
|
LOCATION! |
| Floyd
|
Finally got our act together — |
| Animal
|
TOGETHER! |
| Floyd
|
Now we’re takin’ it on the road! |
| Janice
|
Fer sure! Now, let me introduce the Electric Mayhem band! I’m Janice, on lead guitar! [ She plays a guitar lick. ] Aren’t I good? On drums, it’s Animal! |
| Animal
|
ANIMAL! ANIMAL! |
| Janice
|
On bass guitar, Floyd Pepper! |
| [ Floyd plays a bass groove, and laughs. Zoot enters from another door, blowing on his sax. ] | |
| Janice
|
And here’s that ace of the axe, Zoot! |
| Zoot
|
Huh? Oh. Dig it! |
| [ Dr. Teeth enters, with a keyboard. ] | |
| Janice
|
And the king of the keyboards, our fearless leader, Dr. Teeth! |
| Dr. Teeth
|
Yeah! Whattya say? Let’s get down! |
| Janice
|
Are you ready to make a movie? I can’t hear you! I said, are you ready to make a movie? |
| Crowd
|
Yeah! |
| Janice
|
So, let’s do it! [ The Mayhem finish their song, and play the opening to “Hey A Movie”: ] |
| Floyd
|
Crazy! |
| Janice
|
Oh, this is like so much fun!There’ll be spectacle |
| Floyd
|
There’ll be fantasy |
| Janice
|
There’ll be derring-do |
| Floyd
|
And stuff like you would never see |
| Animal
|
HEY A MOVIE! |
| F & J
|
Yeah, we’re gonna make a moviestarring everybody… |
| Fozzie
|
And me!
[ Fozzie Bear pops up on top of a trailer, holding a director’s clacker. ] Wocka wocka! Hey, I’m Fozzie Bear And our show can’t miss But the cameras won’t start rolling Till I go like this! [ He snaps the clacker shut on his nose. ] Owwww! |
| Animal
|
HEY A MOVIE! |
| Janice
|
We can watch it all develop |
| Fozzie
|
Starring everybody, and me![ Fozzie spins down a slide to the stage. ]
Wocka wocka! |
| F & J
|
Strike up the band,Everyone give a cheer!
C’mon, join in — |
| Fozzie
|
We’re gonna start right here![ He snaps the clacker on his nose again. ] |
| Janice
|
There’ll be stunts galore — |
| Floyd
|
Big explosions too — |
| Fozzie
|
He may make a mess,but he’s the best at derring-do!
The Great Gonzo… |
| [ A door bursts open with a bang, and Gonzo shoots out in a puff of smoke. ] | |
| Gonzo
|
Ha ha ha hah!Wow, it’s gonna be a big one! |
| All
|
Starring everybody — |
| Gonzo
|
And me!So let’s hit the lights — |
| Fozzie
|
Time to shoot the scene! |
| All | But we can’t go on,As long as our director’s green! |
| [ A huge green crane emerges, with Kermit seated on a director’s chair. The crane bounces up and down, shaking Kermit a bit. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Who-oa! Hi, everybody! Welcome!Hey a movie!
We’re so glad you all could make it — Starring everybody… |
| Animal
|
EVERYbody? |
| Kermit
|
Where’s Piggy? Has anyone seen Miss Piggy? Hmmm.Starring everybody… |
| Fozzie
|
Everybody? |
| Kermit
|
Um, has anybody out there seen Miss Piggy? Huh. I dunno. |
| Animal
|
PIG-GY! PIG-GY! |
| All
|
Starring everybod-eeeeeee…. |
| [ They hold the last note for a very long time while they look around for Piggy. Finally, everyone gives up… and then Miss Piggy pops out of a side door and poses for the crowd. She’s followed by her Chauffeur. ] | |
| Piggy
|
Starring everybody — and moi! |
| Kermit
|
Ladies and gentlemen, a big welcome for Miss Piggy! |
| [ Piggy gratefully acknowledges the cheers of her adoring crowd, who are urged on by the Chauffeur holding up an “APPLAUSE” sign. Then Bean Bunny pops out of the door right behind her, and bumps into her. ] | |
| Bean
|
And Bean Bunny too! |
| Kermit
|
Sorry, Bean! |
| Piggy
|
[ to Chauffeur: ] I told you to take a left turn at the Chinese Theater! Oh… just go away and wax the tail fins! [ to audience: ] Ah ha ha! It is moi’s fans! Hello, everyone! Kissy kissy! Yes! What a thrill for vous! Moi is so pleased to see vous! Thank you! Thank you! |
| Bean
|
Hi, everybody! Bean Bunny! Pleased to meetcha! Bean Bunny, props and makeup — glad to see ya! |
| Piggy
|
Get out of the way! |
| Bean
|
Hey! Cute outfit! Hi! My name’s Bean Bunny. What’s yours? Hee hee! Oh boy, I’m glad to be here. Heh heh. |
| Kermit
|
Nice of you to join us, Miss Piggy! |
| Piggy
|
Oh, Kermie darling, it is moi’s pleasure! |
| Kermit | Could we get started, Miss Piggy? Our movie is already running late! |
| Piggy
|
Of course. I just need a teensy touch of makeup. |
| Bean
|
Did you say makeup? |
| Piggy
|
Uh huh! |
| [ Bean smacks Piggy in the face with a big makeup puff. Piggy coughs and chokes. ] | |
| Piggy
|
Thanks… |
| Bean
|
Any time! |
| Kermit
|
Places, everyone! Quiet, please… |
by Danny Horn
