You know, being a Muppet-fan web monkey isn’t as glamorous as you might imagine. Sure, there’s the swinging Hollywood parties, the movie premieres, the all-night jam sessions with the Electric Mayhem. But that’s not the whole story. There’s also a lot of hard work, the kind that I try like the dickens to avoid.
For example, now that I’m a super-popular Muppet web guru and winner of a MacArthur Foundation Genius Grant for Internet Excellence, I’ve got all these complete strangers writing to me and asking me inane questions, like I’m supposed to be their personal search engine. Like, whatever, I’m sure.
Well, I’ll show them. I’m going to post a selection of some of the e-mails I’ve received in the last few weeks — and in lieu of actually coming up with a response, which would require effort on my part and would only encourage them, I’m just going to plagiarize answers from Henson.com’s old Ask Henson column.
Q: Danny, Ive been racking my brain to remember who the two old fellers are in the box…… the moaners. Mine and my colleagues sanity will be safe if you spare us…. My e.mail address is [a different e-mail address from the one this message was sent from]. — Thanks, Myles R.
A: We get this one all the time. Our workshop uses simple white turkey feathers that are then dyed yellow.
Q: i want to buy the dvd of the muppets show in italian language. it’s possible? — 3Am
A: His name in Swedish is: Svensk Kocken! So — not too different.
Q: Hello, I represent e-seek, a new internet service which offers to find items for international customers. I am interested in finding a backpack based around the Muppet ‘Animal’, for a client in the UK. Could you please tell me if you know first of all if such an item exists!, and if so, do you know of anywhere that sells them?
thanks for your time,
John Ankers
e-seek: The executive search and shopping service
“You Ask…We Find”
http://www.e-seek-online.com
A: Just go to www.bearinthebigbluehouse.com and look under “shopping.” You’ll find a calendar of new products and the stores that will carry them.
Q: why is sesame street NAMED “sesame” street?
— Lydia L.
A: I’m not sure The Odd Couple was even more than a Broadway show in 1969 when Sesame Street started.
Q: Any toys yet? Why is the Man keeping Pepe down? — Cheers, Amy
A: You are absolutely right! In the first season of The Muppet Show, there was indeed a female member of the Electric Mayhem who played the trumpet.
Q: Dear Danny toughpigs — Can you tell me where I can purchase the original episodes of Sesame Street on DVD?? Do you have them on VHS? If so… I would be willing to pay you well for them. How does $200 an episode sound? Please reply — James W.
A: Your friend isn’t crazy — Wilkins does look similar to Kermit, but he had more stuffing in his head so it appeared rounder on top.
Q: Danny — I want to get a tattoo of Statler and Waldorf. Do you know where I can get a good colorful picture of them? — Thanks
David S.
A: They spend a great deal of time together, but Ojo is not related to Bear.
Q: hi… i am a retail operation based in Israel and am very interested in your muppet underwear. i will be in new york soon so maybe we can meet and discuss possible business opportunitys. look forward to your response — marni k.
A: We cannot give away our secrets. The performers work so hard in developing their illusions that it just wouldn’t be ethical.
by Danny Horn
