As we searched for the criteria for our next Great Muppet Casting Call, we knew there was only one place to look.  And that was deep into the eyes of four randy old ladies.  Come, let us recreate the world of Muppets From Space with the most Golden of Girls!

Blanche as Gonzo

A little off-kilter, but completely confident in her weirdness, Blanche would make for a great Gonzo.

Rose as Rizzo

If Rose was imprisoned by David Arquette for some reason, it’s easy to imagine her cheerfully making the best of it.

Dorothy as Kermit

Nobody does “matter-of-fact snark” like Kermit.  Except, of course, Dorothy Zbornak.

Sophia as Miss Piggy

Only Sophia has the charisma to steal Shelley Snipes’s TV show from right under her nose.

Rose as Fozzie

The ‘90s were a treasure trove of “Fozzie is kinda dumb” jokes.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he had family in St. Olaf.

Blanche as Pepe

She will spank you like a bad, bad donkey, okay?

Dorothy as K. Edgar Singer

The only thing that could make Jeffrey Tambor’s line reading of “The REMOTE!” more perfect would be if it came out of the mouth of the incomparably exasperated Bea Arthur.

Rose as Rentro

Rose *would* think he said “the Goat.” She totally would!

Sophia as General Luft

The old guy with an unseen level of authority should be played by the old lady with the clout it takes to get out of Shady Pines.

Blanche as Shelley Snipes

Shelly Smelly.  Let Blanche host the weird alien talk show.

Dorothy as Noah

The only way Gonzo’s Biblical nightmare could be more intimidating would be if Noah wore shoulder pads.

Sophia as Dr. Phil Van Neuter

Picture it!  “Tales from the Vet”, 1996…

Stanley as Ubergonzo

You know that giant helmet is probably hiding a gloriously bald head.

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by Joe Hennes and Anthony Strand

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