Breaking News
Part 8: The Poor Little Shoemaker
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit),Frank Oz (Shoemaker), Caroll Spinney (Squeaky), Jerry Nelson (Sneaky, Announcer), Richard Hunt (Leaky), Marilyn Sokol (Shoemaker’s Wife).
| Announcer
|
We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story! |
| Kermit
|
Hello, hello, this is Green Frog, calling CTW Central, do you read me? Hello? Hello, ten-four! Oh! Uh. Hi ho, this is Kermit the Frog, speaking to you from the cottage of the Poor Little Shoemaker and his wife. Now, as you recall, the Poor Little Shoemaker used up all his leather to make his last pair of shoes, and now he has no more leather, and no more shoes. |
| [ The upstairs door opens, and we see the Shoemaker’s shadow. ] | |
| Shoemaker
|
Hey, will ya keep it down, I’m tryin’ ta SLEEP up here! |
| Kermit
|
I’m sorry about that! |
| Shoemaker
|
Awright! |
| Kermit
|
Okay! |
| Shoemaker
|
Okay! [ He slams the door. ] |
| Kermit |
Hmm. Very touchy. In any case, uh — I think somebody is coming in here now, let’s see whom it is. |
| [ The front door opens, and the Three Elves enter. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Ah ha! Pardon me, uh, this is the cottage of the Poor Little Shoemaker, uh, can I ask whom you are? |
| Squeaky
|
Gee, guys, look! It’s Kermit the Frog, from Sesame Street News! |
| Kermit
|
In person. |
| Squeaky
|
Gee, we watch you every night! |
| Kermit
|
Oh, good. |
| Elves
|
Yeah, yeah! |
| Squeaky
|
Oh, uh. We’re elves. And I’m Squeaky! |
| Sneaky
|
I’m Sneaky! |
| Leaky
|
And I’m Leaky. |
| Kermit
|
Uh huh, well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I’ve heard of you elves, you come to people’s houses in the middle of the night and help them out, is that right? |
| Squeaky
|
You got it, frog! When they wake up in the morning, there’s presents from us! |
| Kermit
|
Ah! |
| Squeaky
|
Hey — we oughta bring them on in here. |
| Elves
|
Right! Yeah. |
| Kermit |
Well, viewers, you heard it, right from the elves’ mouths — these elves are going to work all night, and when the Poor Little Shoemaker wakes up in the morning, he’s gonna have a whole bunch of new shoes to sell. Ah, let’s watch — here comes the first shoe now!
|
| [ Sneaky enters, struggling with a heavy cauldron. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Pardon me, uh, Squeaky? |
| Sneaky
|
I’m Sneaky. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, Sneaky, I forgot, uh — what is this thing, here? |
| Sneaky
|
It’s STEW! What’s it look like, a trampoline? |
| Kermit
|
Stew? No, wait a second, you’re supposed to bring a SHOE! Now, stew rhymes with shoe, but you’re supposed to bring a SHOE! |
| [ As Kermit is talking to Sneaky, Leaky comes up behind him and accidentally smacks him with an inflatable canoe. ] | |
| Leaky
|
Uh… sorry about that… |
| Kermit
|
Uh, listen, what is this? This is a CANOE! |
| Leaky
|
Yeah. |
| Kermit
|
Now, canoe also rhymes with shoe, but you’re supposed to bring a SHOE, not a canoe! Uh, listen, Squeaky… |
| Leaky
|
No, no, I’m Leaky. This is my canoe. |
| Kermit
|
… A leaky canoe? |
| Leaky
|
Yeah. |
| Kermit |
Phew…
|
| [ Squeaky enters, carrying a stuffed kangaroo. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Now, wait a minute! That’s a KANGAROO! Now, kangaroo also rhymes with shoe, but you guys are supposed to bring SHOES, not stews and canoes and kangaroos! Come on now! |
| [ All the shouting wakes up the Shoemaker and his wife, who come down onto the stairs. ] | |
| Shoemaker
|
Awright — what is going ON down here? Can’t a man and his wife get some sleep? What is this? |
| Wife
|
Oh, look, Poor Little Old Shoemaker husband, dear! It’s the ELVES! |
| Shoemaker
|
Ah! |
| Kermit
|
Yeah, there seems to be some sort of a problem… they were supposed to bring you shoes, but instead they brought you, uh… |
| Wife
|
Look, stew! Ah, and a canoe! Oh! And a darling kangaroo! |
| [ The Elves giggle proudly. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Yeah, but you don’t understand… you see, the, uh… |
| Shoemaker |
Hey, Squeaky! Hey, all this stuff looks terrific! This is wonderful!
|
| Kermit
|
Wait a second… You know these guys? |
| Wife
|
Oh, sure… Last time, they brought us some glue, and a honeydew, and a tube of shampoo… oh, yeah, and a case of the flu… |
| Shoemaker
|
Yeah, yeah! |
| Kermit
|
Yeah, but you still don’t have any leather, and you don’t have any shoes. What about your shoe business? |
| Shoemaker |
Well, to tell you the truth, frog, I was never good at the shoe business. I think maybe I’ll be a lawyer. Hey, that’s it! I’ll be a lawyer! Okay, line up for stew, guys! |
| [ Kermit watches as everyone lines up for stew. ] | |
| Wife
|
All right, I’ll get bowls! |
| Shoemaker
|
Here we go! |
| Kermit
|
Well, uh… this is Kermit the Frog, speaking to you from the cottage of the Poor Little, uh, Shoemaker, or the Poor Little Lawyer, and, uh… |
| Shoemaker
|
You’re trespassing! |
| Kermit
|
Yeah… returning you to your regularly scheduled program. |
| Shoemaker
|
Get outta my house, frog! |
| Kermit
|
Yes, there’s no business like shoe business, folks. |
| [ Kermit leaves, frustrated. ]
|
by Danny Horn
