Breaking News
Part 4: Three Little Pigs
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Pig), Jerry Nelson (Wolf, Announcer).
| Anncr
|
And now we take you to Kermit the Frog for another fast-breaking news story! |
| Kermit
|
[ to off-screen: ] Hey, Jeff, how’s the wife? What? She’s on camera? Oh, I’M on camera! Oh! Ahem. Hi there, Kermit the Frog, uh, Sesame Street News, reporting to you today from the house of the Three Little Pigs. And today we’re expecting the Big Bad Wolf to drop around, but first… hark, I believe this is one of the Three Little Pigs here… |
| Pig
|
[ humming ] Dee da da dee… Pig of my heart… |
| Kermit
|
Uh, pardon me, Pig… |
| Pig
|
Mmm? Yes. |
| Kermit
|
Excuse me, could I ask you a few — Kermit the Frog, Sesame Street News… |
| Pig | Oh! Oh! Yes. [ The Pig brushes himself off. ] |
| Kermit
|
Can I ask you a question or two? Uh, for instance, could you tell me what this house is built of? |
| [ The Pig over-emphasizes all of his answers, hamming it up for the camera. ] | |
| Pig
|
Ahem. STRAW. |
| Kermit
|
Uh huh. Straw. |
| Pig
|
STRAW. |
| Kermit
|
Yes, uh, well, could you tell us exactly why you built your house out of straw? |
| Pig
|
Because — ahem — because straw is light and easy to carry. And when we get hungry, we can nibble on a wall or two, even. |
| Kermit
|
Well, don’t you think it would’ve been better to build a house out of wood, or bricks, or something like that? |
| Pig | Why? |
| Kermit
|
In case somebody like, oh, I don’t know, maybe a Big Bad Wolf were to come along, and huff and puff and blow the house down? |
| Pig
|
Blow this house down? |
| Kermit
|
Yeah, well… |
| Pig
|
I worked four DAYS on this house! This is a STRONG house! |
| Kermit
|
Yeah, but… |
| Pig
|
Blow this house down! Blow THIS house down! Ha, ha! |
| [ The Pig enters the house, chuckling to himself. ] | |
| Pig
|
Oh, I gotta tell the guys that, that’s a good one! Ha, ha! |
| [ The Pig opens the door again to shout at Kermit. ] | |
| Pig
|
‘Tis to LAUGH! |
| [ He slams the door. ] | |
| Kermit | He seems to take the whole subject rather lightly, but, uh… hark! What do I see coming now? |
| Wolf
|
[ The Wolf enters, humming: ] I’m gonna cook you for sup-per… |
| Kermit
|
It’s a large shaggy thing… uh, pardon me, are you indeed the Big Bad Wolf, himself? |
| Wolf
|
Oh, I am IN-DEEEEED! |
| [ The Wolf breathes on Kermit, who coughs at his bad breath. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Uh, yeah, well, uh — whew! — can you tell me, uh, exactly, uh, what you have in mind, coming around here today? |
| Wolf
|
Oh, yeah. Well, you see, this is where the Three Little Pigs live. |
| Kermit
|
Uh, true. |
| Wolf
|
And I got some business with them, cause I’m gonna make them an offer they can’t RE-FUUUUSE! |
| Kermit
|
[ coughs ] Yeah. Well, do you mind if we from Sesame Street stand around to watch? |
| Wolf
|
Okay, but you better stand back. |
| Kermit
|
Okay. I’ll just go right over here, by this tree. |
[ Kermit hides by a nearby tree as the Wolf pounds on the door. ] |
| Wolf
|
Little pig, little pig, open the door! |
| Kermit
|
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, hold it… [ Kermit runs up to the Wolf. ] Just one second, there’s a tradition here, the Big Bad Wolf is supposed to say, “Little pig, little pig, let me come in!” |
| Wolf
|
Oh, yeah… |
| Kermit
|
That’s the line. Mm hmm. [ He goes back to the tree. ] |
| Wolf
|
Little pig, little pig, let me come in! |
| Pig
|
[ inside ] Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin! |
| Kermit
|
Somehow I thought he would say that. |
| Wolf
|
Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll BLOWWWW your house in! |
| Kermit | Stand by, folks, here it comes! |
| [ The Wolf huffs and puffs, and starts to blow. ] | |
| Kermit | Wow. There he goes, folks! The Wolf is huffing and puffing… and it’s really quite a — [ the tree blows away ] — good heavens, it’s really quite a breeze he’s got going here… Let’s see if he’s able to blow the house down here — [ another tree blows away ] — He’s really blowing hard — [ the fence posts blow away ] — Talk about strong breath, folks! — [ ZIP! The fire hydrant is next ] — My heavens! — [ Kermit is struggling against the wind ] — Remember, you saw it here on Sesame Street, folks! As you can see, the house is still standing, and — [ the lamp post tips over ] — Whew! The Wolf is still blowing, and so this is Kermit the Frog, and the Wolf is now returning me to Sesame Streeeeeeeeeeet……… |
by Danny Horn
