Part Seven : Room Service!
Kermit and Miss Piggy
onGood Morning America, February 1988
with Joan Lunden
| Joan
|
Tomorrow is the special day for sweethearts everywhere… So what better way to celebrate than with The Couple of The Eighties? Yes, joining me now — the Sean Penn and Madonna of the Muppet world… |
| Kermit
|
The what? |
| Joan
|
Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. It’s nice to have you both with us! |
| Piggy
|
Hello, Joan dear. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, thank you, Joan. It’s very nice to be here. |
| Joan
|
Oh! And look at you… What a dress she has here! [ Piggy is wearing a very Couple of the Eighties pink and lime outfit. ] |
| Kermit
|
Yes, it’s very special. |
| Piggy
|
Could I have a close-up of the hat, please? |
| Joan
|
The hat’s wonderful. I love… |
| Piggy
|
There’s little kissys on the hat here. |
| Joan
|
Little kissys on the hat. |
| Kermit
|
Is that real candy? |
| Piggy
|
Yeah, don’t touch it. I’m gonna eat it later. |
| Joan
|
It’s a very beautiful outfit. |
| Piggy
|
Thank you very much, Joanie. You look, uh, attractive too. |
| Kermit
|
Sure. It’s a nice outfit, Joan. |
| Joan
|
Well, thank you, Kermit. |
| Kermit
|
Yes, you look very pretty today. |
| Piggy
|
Yes… |
| Joan
|
Thank you! Do you two have special plans for Valentine’s Day? |
| Piggy
|
Yes, they’re personal. |
| Kermit
|
Um… what? |
| Joan
|
They’re personal? |
| Piggy
|
Personal. |
| Kermit | Oh, yeah. They’re personal. |
| Joan
|
Personal. |
| Kermit
|
Mmmm. |
| Joan
|
Hmm. |
| Piggy
|
Yes. We plan to have a nice little… evening. |
| Joan
|
A romantic evening? |
| Piggy
|
Mmm hmm. |
| Joan
|
What’s your idea of a romantic evening? |
| Piggy
|
Well, first of all — two of us, as opposed to three. |
| Joan
|
Okay. |
| Piggy
|
That’s for starters. And, well, Kermit, as a frog, likes to be in surroundings that he’s used to. |
| Kermit
|
Yes. |
| Joan
|
Like water? |
| Piggy | I’m not talking about a swamp… I mean, he’s used to dark surroundings, which I believe are romantic. |
| Joan
|
Dark surroundings… |
| Piggy
|
Frogs are used to that. |
| Joan
|
Is he romantic? |
| Kermit
|
Uh… Do we have to talk about stuff like this? |
| Piggy
|
Trust me, it’s love! |
| Kermit
|
It’s a professional relationship. You know. |
| Piggy
|
I knew it. |
| Joan
|
All right, all right. This brings up a subject… There seems to be some question about your status right now. |
| Piggy
|
There is no status. |
| Kermit
|
That’s true. It’s a status of nothing. |
| Joan
|
I thought you got married. |
| Piggy
|
No, the status… There’s no status. There’s just love. |
| Joan
|
Just love. |
| Kermit
|
Uh, yes. Uh. Actually, why don’t we change the subject? Why don’t we talk about something else? |
| Joan
|
I’d like to know what it was about Miss Piggy that you originally fell for. What are her qualities? |
| Piggy
|
Yeah! |
| Kermit
|
Well. She’s a very powerful lady. Y’know. I mean, she’s, uh, she’s… someone you don’t tangle with, so to speak. You see. And this is one of her most attractive parts, I think. |
| Joan
|
She has a unique personality. Unique qualities. |
| Piggy
|
But Kermie? Kermie? |
| Kermit
|
Yes, Miss Piggy. |
| Piggy
|
What about, you know, the other things? |
| Kermit
|
Oh. Well. Uh. |
| Piggy
|
About the kissy-kissies? And the huggy-wuggies? |
| Kermit
|
Yes. She’s. Yes, anything you say. It’s fine. |
| Piggy
|
He talks like that in public, because he’s shy. |
| Kermit
|
Mmmm. |
| Piggy
|
In person… watch out! |
| Joan
|
Yeah? |
| Kermit
|
That’s right. That’s what I was going to say. You just watch out. That’s why… Mmmm. |
| Piggy
|
We’re talking GANGBUSTERS! |
| Joan
|
What is it about… |
| Piggy
|
We’re talking, y’know, like, three days! We’re talking, like, you know? Like, ROOM SERVICE! Look out! |
| Joan
|
Tell us something about Miss Piggy that she would just die if we all knew. |
| Kermit
|
Well. Uh. |
| Piggy
|
Or somebody else’ll die if you all know. |
| Kermit
|
Well, she’s an interesting sight in lingerie. I must say that. I mean. Uh, yes. |
| Piggy
|
Awww, Kermie. Isn’t that sweet. |
| Joan
|
Does she wear real feminine, frilly stuff? |
| Kermit
|
It’s, uh, she has all kinds of things with buckles and snaps, and stuff… It’s really just… |
| Piggy
|
Are you insinuating that I wear a girdle? |
| Kermit
|
No, I don’t know what that stuff is. |
| Joan
|
And I’m not about to take a guess! Tell us something — what did you fall in love with? What are the qualities that you fell in love with, with Kermit? |
| Piggy
|
Well, to begin with… Flippers. |
| Joan
|
Flippers? |
| Piggy
|
Flippers. Number one. Then, after Flippers, I’d say Green. And then there’s that certain… well, in Spanish, you say, je ne sais quoi. |
| Joan
|
Or joie de vivre. |
| Kermit
|
That’s Spanish? |
| Piggy
|
Joie de viv-ra… |
| Joan
|
That’s a good one. |
| Piggy
|
… about a frog. It’s something that only pigs could understand. |
| Joan
|
Okay. I’ll buy that. |
| Piggy
|
You have to. |
| Joan
|
I don’t have any other choice. You two have a wonderfully romantic day tomorrow. |
| Piggy
|
Don’t touch him! |
| Kermit
|
Oh, thank you. |
| Joan
|
[ laughs ] Excuse me, Miss Piggy. |
| Piggy
|
That’s all right. |
| Kermit
|
It’s okay. |
| Piggy
|
Thank you. Happy Valentine’s Day. |
| Joan
|
To you, too. |
| Kermit
|
And Happy Valentine’s Day out there! |
| Piggy
|
To all of vous. Kissy kissy! |
| Joan
|
We’ll be back. |
| Piggy
|
We’ll be back. Not us. Her. |
| Kermit
|
I won’t… |
by Danny Horn
