The Muppets have a… let’s say uneven history with video games. They tend to fall under four categories:
- Not a great game, but we’ve convinced ourselves to like it because it’s all we have (i.e. Muppets Party Cruise, Muppet RaceMania)
- Too “preschool” to actually enjoy (i.e. every Sesame Street game ever made)
- Surprisingly good, but ultimately forgotten (i.e. Muppet Monster Adventure, and literally nothing else)
- Actually impossible (i.e. Chaos at the Carnival, the Japanese Labyrinth game)
Now, I don’t know anything about designing video games. But I sure do like that Mario fella, which is enough to make me act like an expert on the internet. And there’s nothing I’d love more than to see a good mashup of Muppets and a classic Nintendo sidescroller.
This week, the world will be celebrating all things Mario. Not because it’s any sort of anniversary, but because when you write the date March 10th like “MAR10”, it sort of looks like “MARIO”. Good enough for me! So in honor of the world’s most famous turtle-stomping plumber, we’re picking Sesame Street characters to star in what I’m sure would be an amazing video game.
Let’s a-gooooo!
Ernie as Mario
Let’s face it – Mario is a troublemaker. He has no respect for other people’s personal space as evidenced by how he wrecks Bowser’s castle. Basically, Ernie eating cookies in Bert’s bed is the equivalent of Mario busting King Koopa’s bricks and stealing his gold coins.
Bert as Luigi
The taller, thinner counterpart to the previous character who often gets overlooked and gives a mean side-eye? Move Bert’s unibrown down to his upper lip and he’s a dead ringer for Luigi.
Elmo as Toad
Toad’s pretty cute, and that’s Elmo’s jam. But for many of us grown-up Muppet fans, the disappointment of finding Toad at the end of a difficult level telling us that “the Princess is in another castle” is equivalent to finding nothing but Elmo toys when all you want is a classic Grover.
Abby as Peach
They’re more than just the resident female, both of these tough ladies seem dainty at first, but prove to be just as strong as any of the dudes. Plus, they look good in pink.
Zoe as Daisy
Daisy and Zoe both made their debuts just a couple years apart from each other, and they’re both easily forgotten after naming all the other characters on this list. Plus, they look good in orange.
Cookie Monster as Wario
While Ernie and Bert don’t necessarily have evil doppelgangers – ala Mario and Luigi’s nefarious counterparts Wario and Waluigi – the fuzzy and blue monsters will have to do. Cookie Monster makes for a great Wario stand-in, what with his bulging belly and appetite for destruction.
Grover as Waluigi
Meanwhile, Grover’s gangly body and almost-purple hue make him the most Waluigi of any Sesame Street Muppet.
Oscar the Grouch as Bowser
They’re green, they’re mean, and they have very strange boundaries when it comes to the women they love. Besides, a trash can is just another type of shell, right?
Slimey as Koopa Troopa
Not gonna lie, I just like the idea of a tiny worm in a giant turtle shell.
Mr. Snuffleupagus as Donkey Kong
I can’t say I’ve ever seen Snuffy throw a barrel, but he certainly has the upper body strength to do it. These two brown, furry beasts also share the experience of living in caves and hanging out with their younger relatives. I’d like to see Alice Snuffleupagus rock Diddy Kong’s red baseball cap.
Big Bird as Birdo
They’re giant birds. And I hope we never see Big Bird vomit out a giant projectile egg.
We hope you have a great MAR10 Day, whether you’re breaking out your old school Nintendo or celebrating with a bunch of 8-bit Muppets!
Original 8-bit Sesame Street art by Evan Cheng.
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by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com
