265 Dollars Worth of Kermit

Published: August 31, 2009
Categories: Commentary, Feature

Take a look at this:

It’s Kermit!

Well, it’s sort of Kermit.The points on his collar are a little shorter than the “real” Kermit’s, and his tongue’s not really the right color, and his head… You know, his head looks a lot like a watermelon. It’s not the worst Kermit doll ever, but it’s far from the best.

So guess how much this thing costs. Give up? Two hundred sixty-five dollars. That’s not a typo… The doll is made by the Steiff teddy bear company, and that’s the price listed for it on their website. How in the world can they justify such a steep price? Is the doll filled with diamonds? Does Steve Whitmire personally deliver the doll to your house and then stick around all afternoon to play board games with you?  When you squeeze its hand, does it dispense chocolate truffles and swimming pools?

None of the above.  You only get the doll.  However, there is some exciting news.  According to the Steiff website: “For the first time ever, Kermit will be made of genuine German mohair.”Wow  !All these years the fans have been clamoring for Kermit to be made of German mohair, and finally our German mohair dreams have come true.  And it’s genuine!  None of that damn faux German mohair here.  I mean, I hate it when I spend $265 on a doll, only to bring it home, look at it under a microscope, and discover that it’s made of imitation German mohair, or worse, genuine Czechoslovakian mohair, which any baby or elderly lady knows is shoddy mohair.  That really chaps my hide.

What’s so special about mohair, anyway?  What is mohair?  Wikipedia says “Mohair usually refers to a silk-like fabric or yarn made from the hair of the Angora goat.”And here’s the picture for that article:

That goat looks pretty grumpy.  But he’s going to be really ticked off when he gets shaved nekkid so his fur can be used to make a mediocre Kermit the Frog doll.  I bet he doesn’t even like Kermit that much.

Oh, but the Kermit doll is a limited edition! So it’s definitely worth the price, because instead of having one of millions of pretty crappy Kermit dolls, you’ll have one of only a few hundred pretty crappy Kermit dolls! Your friends, coworkers, and the bagger at your local Wal-Mart will be so jealous.

Okay, I think I’ve sufficiently insulted this inanimate object now.  But seriously, if you have $265 lying around and a burning desire for Kermit merchandise, you should probably dig under your couch cushions for some more dough and buy the Master Replicas Kermit photo puppet replica, which Amazon still lists as In Stock for $299.99. It’s poseable, and the shape of head more closely resembles Kermit’s head than a large fruit.

Or just hold your horses for a while, and you can buy the eFX collectibles Reporter Kermit photo puppet replica, which is due around early 2010 and will most likely be similarly priced.

Or, for a fraction of the cost, you could just buy one of these guys on eBay and be done with it:

Thanks to Tough Pigs’ own Chris “Smig” Smigliano for bringing this thing to our attention on the Tough Pigs forum.  Speaking of which, click here to talk about this thing on the very same Tough Pigs forum!

by Ryan Roe – Ryan@ToughPigs.com

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