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Elmo and Rosita on The Rosie O’Donnell Show
with guest host Gloria Estefan
January, 1998

gloriaestefanVegemite, White House trash, Cookie Monster in bondage… Phew, it’s been another rough month in the Tough Pigs Anthology. So let’s close out the month with a sweet one — my main monster Elmo with Rosita and guest host Gloria Estefan, from The Rosie O’Donnell Show.

Gloria
Please welcome my friend from Sesame Street — Elmo!

Elmo
HI! Hello hello hello! Ha ha.

Gloria
Elmo, you are a star… Thank you for joining me here.

Elmo
Aww, hi, Gloria. Elmo’s so glad to be here! Elmo’s so happy.

Gloria
I’m happy too, that you’re here. I feel much better now that you’re here.

Elmo
Elmo heard that his good friend Rosie is out of town.

Gloria
Yeah. She’s out. I’m here subbing.

Elmo
So Elmo thought he would come over to give Gloria some tips.

Gloria
Tips?

Elmo
Yeah, yeah, tips on how to host Rosie’s show. You know, Elmo’s been a guest here for a lotta, lotta, lotta, lotta, whole lotta, lotta, lotta, lotta — lotta — lotta — lotta, a whole mucho lotta times!

Gloria
Yeah, I know! Y’know, how come you have so much energy in the morning? My kids take a while to crank up, Elmo.

Elmo
Oatmeal.

Gloria
Oatmeal, that’s very good for you.

Elmo
With a LOT of sugar in it! No, just kidding.

Gloria
There we go. A little caffeine in there too, Elmo?

Elmo
Okay, but listen. Here’s the tips. The first thing is that Rosie is always very nice to her guests.

Gloria
Oh, I’ll be nice to you. What would you like, anything?

Elmo
Rosie likes everybody that comes on her show. Except for squirrels.

Gloria
I know. I heard about those squirrels. What is it with her and those squirrels?

Elmo
Elmo doesn’t know. Elmo won’t even ask her.

Gloria
No. We better not touch that subject.

Elmo
Oh, but Rosie does like to tell jokes! She’s VERY FUNNY!

Gloria
Yes, she’s funny.

Elmo
Can Gloria tell jokes?

Gloria
I don’t know. I could try. You want to teach me one?

Elmo
Okay, here’s one. What kind of fish has two knees? Anybody know out there?

Gloria
I’m stumped.

Elmo
Don’t say it. Elmo will.

Gloria
Okay.

Elmo
A Two-Knee Fish! Thank you! Thank you! Throw money! Throw money!

Gloria
Y’know, Rosie would love that. Thank you very much. I think that was great.

Elmo
Yeah. You know, Elmo and Gloria are talking about Rosie so much, that it makes… Elmo’s starting to miss Rosie.

Gloria
Ohhh… Check this out, Elmo.

Rosie
[ tape recording ] You’re a cutie patootie! Yes!

Elmo
Oh!

Gloria
Now you don’t miss her so much!

Elmo
That makes Elmo feel better! Gloria? Elmo brought you a surprise.

Gloria
A surprise? I love surprises!

Elmo
Elmo has a surprise for all of you, too. So, everybody — you cover your eyes, and all of you cover your eyes out there too.

Gloria
Cover your eyes… Not the television audience…

Elmo
Okay, now! Open your eyes!

Rosita
Surprise!

Gloria
Rosita!

Rosita
Gloria! Hola!

Gloria
Rosita! Bienvenida!

Rosita
Oh, gracias, gracias! I’m so happy to be here!

Elmo
What did you say?

Gloria
I said welcome. You know, Rosita and I have worked together. We did Elmopalooza, she came down to Miami. Did you like Miami?

Rosita
Oh, I love Miami, it was so much fun to be there with you, and everybody else!

Gloria
That’s right, we had a great time! We did a video… You’re rock stars now!

Rosita
Ohh, thank you very much! Gloria… I’m so sorry that you were so upset at the beginning of the show. You know what? I think you are The Diva!

Gloria
Thank you, Rosita! Thank you very much. I was just messing with them, though.

Elmo
Does she have to pay five hundred dollars?

Rosita
Do I have to?

Gloria
No, that was just a joke, Elmo.

Elmo
Maybe Elmo can make Gloria feel better.

Gloria
Okay. I’ll take anything you got.

Elmo
Come closer… [ Elmo kisses Gloria on the cheek. ]

Rosita
Kissy kissy!!

Gloria
Oh, Elmo… oh, look! [ She plays a tape cart of Rosie making kissing sounds. ] That’s you kissing Rosie, too! Now you’ve kissed both of us.

Elmo
Well, what else makes Gloria feel great?

Gloria
I feel happy… singing. I love to sing. That’s why I do what I do.

Rosita
Of course! Of course! And you do it very well. I heard that you are going to sing in these, like, big, huge, muy grande bowl on Sunday!

Gloria
The Superbowl! That’s right! With Stevie Wonder. I’m thrilled, I love Stevie Wonder.

Elmo
Aw, go on with your bad self!

Gloria
Elmo… you’re just too cool!

Elmo
Yes, too cool for the people!

Gloria
That’s right! You sure are. Well, I would feel better if maybe you helped me out, because it’s a big show, and I’d like to be ready.

Rosita
Yeah.

Elmo
Oh, if you’re nervous, maybe Rosita and Elmo can rehearse with you!

Rosita
Definitely!

Gloria
That would be great. Let’s do something. Something we both know?

Rosita
I know, I know! How about what we sang in Elmopalooza — Mambo I, I, I! Mmm mmm mmm!

Gloria
That’s a good one.

Elmo
Rosita, get down with your bad self! Okay, let’s sing that song!

Gloria
Let’s do it, Elmo, let’s do it. Rosita, are you ready?

Rosita
I — am — ready!

Gloria
Hit it! Shake it, Rosita!

[ They sing a spirited “Mambo, I, I, I” ]

Gloria
Elmo! Rosita! We’ll be right back! I love you, Elmo!

Thanks! to my pal Carolyn Wiesner for sending me this interview!

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