Recently, Buzzfeed made a list of the pressing questions they have about Muppet Family Christmas. In true ToughPigs form, we responded with our list of answers to those questions (take that, Buzzfeed!). Their article also inspired us to question some other Muppet holiday specials, which leads us to the thing you’re about to read.
Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, much like Muppet Family Christmas, is a near perfect holiday special. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t questions of logic, inaccuracies, and mind-bursting confusion. Also some nitpicking. Okay, a lot of nitpicking.
Read on for our set of 34 questions about Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, and if anyone from Buzzfeed is reading, feel free to make up answers to them all!
1. Do the Muppets magically grow when they’re ice skating?
Did these guys ever freak anyone else out? It’s like, they’re the Sesame Street characters we all know and love, but huge with unmoving mouths and the sudden appearance of feet. Maybe something magical happens when they get on the ice, because they most certainly don’t look like this later on in the special.
3. If Big Bird only learned how to skate two minutes ago, should that little girl be trusting him to toss her in the air like that?
Seriously, let him figure out how to skate in a circle before he attempts the double axel.
4. Why is Bert so overly concerned about Ernie sitting on the side of a barrel?
I guess I get that it’s not safe to be teetering on the edge of a barrel that’s spinning around on an ice rink, but of all the things that could be disastrous in that situation, why would Bert fixate on Ernie’s sitting placement? Why not tell Cookie Monster and the Count to stop pushing it around at breakneck speeds? That seems a lot more worrisome than the barrel itself.
5. How is Oscar not mangled after that fall?
I wince every time I see Oscar tumble down those stairs (and down the other stairs, and through the wall, and directly onto the pavement). If that happened to anyone else, they’d require some serious medical attention.
7. So is it “Parnum and Pailey” or “Barnum and Bailey”?
It seems that there two conflicting circuses in town with similar names. The “Pingling Bros Parnum and Pailey Circus” and the more familiar Barnum and Bailey. Yes, I’ve seen this special enough times to notice a thing like that.
9. When did the Muppets have time to change clothes?
Everyone is wearing different clothing than when they were ice skating. Did they do a quick change when they took off their skates, or is this another example of the magical ice skating rink?
11. What causes Olivia to litter and not clean up her mess?
She picks up some trash off the ground (that’s good!), tosses it toward the trash can (also good!), misses (not so good!), and doesn’t go back to pick it up (definitely not good!). Just what lesson is Sesame Street trying to teach us here?
12. How did Cookie get in that store?
A second ago he was walking from the subway with the rest of the group, and now he’s just chillin’ in that shop. How did he get in? Is he allowed to do that? Why isn’t anyone stopping him? This will most definitely end poorly for whoever owns that store.
13. “Ding Dong, you’re wrong.” – If Big Bird doesn’t know how Santa gets down the chimney, why does he think Oscar knows?
What makes Big Bird think that Oscar is some sort of expert on Santa science? Oscar seems to know enough to question the physics of Santa’s chimney-related limitations, but he gives no indication to Big Bird that he knows the real answer. So why would Big Bird believe him when he pooh-poohs all of his suggestions?
14. Why does Kermit talk over what might be the funniest line in the whole special?
When Kermit asks who knows more about Santa than anyone, Big Bird and Patty suggest that it might be Mrs. Claus or the Elves, but Kermit jumps his next line, making Patty’s suggestion of “Macy’s” almost inaudible. A classic line, almost completely disregarded.
16. What are all these kids doing in Bob’s apartment?
Yes, they’re there for Bob’s music lesson, but it’s cool for them to just let themselves in before Bob gets home? Bob obviously has keys in his hand, so he was expecting the apartment to be locked. Do they all have spare keys to his place?
17. Who is playing piano????
Bob stops playing piano to turn around and watch the sign language version of the song, but the piano just keeps on going. Is there a hidden cassette tape playing somewhere? Is Bob just a huge fraud??
18. How did Rubber Duckie sink?
He’s a rubber toy filled with air. He should be floating on top of the water, not somehow at the bottom of the tub for Bert to accidentally sit on. Yes, this is the most unbelievable thing about the entire special.
19. If Bert and Ernie are forced to swap their most prized possessions, how do they normally pay for things at Hooper’s Store?
Don’t they shop there for food and stuff? Are they constantly selling off their most sentimental objects just so they can survive another day?
20. What’s the going cost for a Rubber Duckie/paper clip collection/cigar box/soap dish?
According to Amazon, a “classic” Rubber Duck is about $8, a box of paper clips is about $3, a cigar box is about $6, and a soap dish is about $4. So, Mr. Hooper is totally scamming Bert and Ernie.
21. Why is Grover asking kids how Santa gets out, rather than in?
Grover has an extended scene with this adorable moppet where he pretends to be Santa Claus trying to get out of the house. It’s cute and all, but Grover’s totally getting off topic. We need to know how Santa gets in, not how he gets out! Do the job you were hired for, Grover!!
22. Doesn’t Cookie Monster know that there’s no mail service on Christmas Eve? (Also, what is snail mail?)
You can totally send letters to Santa Claus care of the North Pole, and the USPS will deliver them. But there’s no mail service on Christmas Eve, and even on the best of circumstances, that letter isn’t going to get to Santa any earlier than December 27th. Maybe he should’ve sent an e-mail instead.
23. What kind of typewriter only has 10 keys? (Also, what is a typewriter?)
Is Cookie Monster using a stenographer’s typewriter? Are there any kids left today who even know what that thing is supposed to be?
24. How does Cookie Monster know Santa’s phone number? And who’s paying the long distance bill? (Also, what is a rotary phone?)
Not only does it seem that Santa Claus’ phone number is something you could just look up, but Cookie Monster seems to have memorized it. I’m also guessing that he’s calling from Gordon and Susan’s apartment, meaning they’ll have a crazy high phone bill this month, especially if Cookie Monster didn’t manage to hang the phone up after swallowing it.
26. If Oscar hates Christmas, why does he have a stocking?
There it is, plain as day. Oscar might secretly love Christmas, or he at least expects a couple presents to be dropped into his ratty old stocking.
27. Is Mr. Hooper having the worst Christmas ever?
Not only is he the only one in the entire neighborhood not celebrating Christmas, but he gives gifts away without getting any himself. Sure, there’s something in there about giving being better than receiving, but that’s no substitution for the feeling of getting stuff.
28. Where are Patty’s parents??
Seriously, this kid just runs around town on her own, hangs out with her giant bird friend with no adult supervision, wanders into Gordon and Susan’s apartment, and might as well be a Dickensian orphan, roaming the streets and begging for handouts.
29. Wouldn’t Big Bird freeze just about every night?
I get that he’s got an electric blanket, but he’s still exposed to the elements. He’d still catch his death after any snowfall or late night freeze.
31. Shouldn’t Big Bird have hypothermia?
He was so cold, icicles were forming on his beak. There were icicles. On his beak. It seems to me that if you’re that cold for that long, you probably have pneumonia at best.
32. There’s no way that’s a real parking spot.
Someone obviously thought it was a good idea to park way up on the sidewalk. Come on, be a little responsible, Mr. Reckless Parker. It’s Christmas Freaking Eve.
33. Does this special have the most flatulence of any Sesame Street special?
When the credits start to roll, there’s not much to look at, so we focus a lot more on the audio. And that audio happens to be Cookie Monster burping. Lots and lots of burping. Sesame Street doesn’t often have belches (and when they do, it’s just a short one or two), and as far as I know, they’ve never had a character pass gas. So this may be the most flatulence in any Sesame Street production ever. Congratulations, Christmas Eve on Sesame Street!
34. Seriously, how DOES Santa get down the chimney??
This entire special was focused on one question, and we never even got an answer! What a gyp! And now we’ll never know how big ol’ Santa gets down those skinny little chimneys, and somehow that logic means that we’ll never have Christmas.
Happy holidays, everyone! We hope we didn’t totally ruin Christmas Eve on Sesame Street for you. I know, that “Parnum and Pailey” thing is hard to ignore.
Click here to nearly freeze to death on the ToughPigs forum!
by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com