smigvendafaceLadies and gentlemen,
frogs and pigs,
I am proud to introduce to you
the new Tough Pigs house band:

Vendaface

They’re here today to perform the singles from their first EP,
The Jimmy Henson Experience.

Put your hands together.
Let’s make them feel at home.

Make Me Talk

Won’t somebody put their hand in?
Won’t somebody make me talk?
Find someone who’s understandin’
Faffner Hall or Fraggle Rock

I’m a thing of fur and fabric
Just a workshop’s dreams and lies
Without you I’m frozen, static
Use that waldo, move my eyes

Make Me Talk!
Put your hand inside
and I’ll do whatever you decide
Make Me Talk!
I’m in your control
you just move those rods, operate my soul
Make Me Talk!

(tambourine solo)

Won’t somebody pull the wires?
I’m a creature, make me yours
I’m whatever you desire
Emmet Otter, Dinosaurs

Won’t somebody put your hand up?
Won’t somebody take the fall?
I don’t need to move a muscle
I won’t need to move at all

Make Me Talk!
Put your hand inside
and I’ll do whatever you decide
Make Me Talk!
I’m in your control
you just move those rods, operate my soul

Make me talk, make me walk
Make me sing, make me squawk
Make me ride on a bike
I will do what you like

Make me dance, make me eat
I don’t need any feet
Make me yours, make me real
Make me live! Make me feel!

Make Me Talk!
Put your hand inside…
operate my soul!
Make Me Talk!
Put your hand inside…
operate my soul!
Make Me Talk!

Don’t Want No Crystal
with special guest Ms. Tic

The lights are low,
We’re takin it slow
We’re chillin on the couch by the video glow
You’re feelin on my body
Like I’m really gonna pop
Then I see what’s on the screen, and the party’s gotta stop

Ain’t that the castle?
That lightning I see?
Cause I been here before, and it don’t agree with me.
I know how it ends
Not seein it again
I don’t like the Skekses, I don’t care about Jen

I say
Ooo-ooooh-ooo
Don’t want no Crystal
Don’t give me Dark Crystal
Ooo-ooooh-ooo
I don’t need your Crystal
Don’t care about the Crystal

Why this always happen
When I go back to your place?
Drink a half a glass of wine, I got a Gelfling in my face
I’ve seen that shard before
Your prophecy’s a bore
You’re journeyin your ass back to the video store

I say
Ooo-ooooh-ooo
Don’t want no Crystal
Don’t give me Dark Crystal
Ooo-ooooh-ooo
All up in your Crystal
Don’t bring me Dark Crystal

And don’t bring no Witches!
You’re making me suspicious!
I watched that David Bowie thing, it wasn’t Hoobalicious!
I know that you like Buddy,
Think it’s funny, but I won’t
And if you think you’re bringing Flinstones,
then it’s Yabba Dabba Don’t!

I say
Ooo-ooooh-ooo
Don’t want no Crystal
Don’t care about the Crystal
Ooo-ooooh-ooo
Step off with that Crystal
I’m not about the Crystal

Why you always bringin me Dark Crystal?
You know I don’t play like that!

Word to your Muppet, yo.

Buy Buy Buy
with special guests N’Debt

Standing here in Toys R Us
I don’t wanna make a fuss
For a hand-painted polystone bust
of Gonzo the Great
Maxed out my credit card
It wasn’t really that hard
All I had to do was charge
that collectible plate

Can’t help myself,
oh, I bought that bust when it caught my eye
It’s on my shelf
just collecting dust, still I Buy Buy Buy

Buy Buy Buy!
Piggy in a wedding dress
Bunsen and a Beaker and a Swedish Chef
Scored a Kermit watch and a Gonzo tie
and I Buy Buy Buy

Did you get the Nanco dolls?
Lived on Ebay auction till I found ’em all
Spent my August rent, and it’s still July
still I Buy Buy Buy

You know what you do to me
When you got a licensee
Poster or a new CD
I’ve got to get
My baby just don’t understand
How there could be such demand
For all the stuff that you’ve got planned
that ain’t out yet

There’s no amount
you could ever make that would satisfy
My bank account
is in disarray, still I Buy Buy Buy

Buy Buy Buy!
Polystone and PVC
You put the Muppet movies out on DVD
Action figures, how they multiply
still I Buy Buy Buy

Do you think I’ll ever stop
You make another movie and I gotta shop
Plans for Pepe fans, oh you can’t deny
that we’ll Buy Buy Buy

Oooooh
Now I ain’t got no heat
Or electricity
Do you think they’ll let me
Pay in Piggys?

Buy Buy Buy!
Gotta fill my basket up
Statler and a Waldorf and a Fozzie cup
I’ve got Things That Go and Things That Fly
still I Buy Buy Buy
You just stick a Kermit on
I’ll take what you make till my cash is gone
Long as you keep up with your supply
then I’ll Buy Buy Buy

Buy Buy Buy Buy!

Thank you for coming out to support fictional music!

A shout-out to my homies on the Tough Pigs Forum:
Carolyn Wiesner, who came up with the name Vendaface
Chris Smigliano for the psychedelic album art
Kynan “K.Bark” Barker and Jog Jalink on keyboards
Julia, Emmy, Warrick, Ryan and Captain Cully on tambourine
and Dave Beukema as The Yoko

by Danny Horn

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