Troubled Waiter, Part One

Published: September 29, 2004

	(Fat Blue tries to attract the waiter’s attention. Grover runs by.)
Fat Blue	Oh — oh, waiter!
Grover	Just a moment, sir!
	(Grover runs by again.)
Fat Blue	Well, I —
Grover	I’ll be with you in a moment!
	(Grover approaches the table.)

Grover	Yes, sir! Grover the waiter at your service, sir!
Fat Blue	Oh, good, thank you. I’d like a cheeseburger, with french fries and a pickle. And I’d like it right away, please, I’m in a hurry.
Grover	To serve you is my only pleasure, sir.
Fat Blue	Wait a minute — aren’t you going to write that down?
Grover	Sir, I am a trained professional! I do not need to write things down. Instead, I use my waiter’s memory.
Fat Blue	Yeah, but I ordered a cheeseburger with french fries and a pickle, isn’t that a lot to remember?

Grover	Ha! Observe, sir. A trick of the trade. I remember things with a little poem. Ahem. Round and tasty on a bun, pickles, french fries, yum yum yum.
Fat Blue	I don’t believe this. Hey, hey! How are you going to remember it’s for me?
	(Grover looks him up and down.)
Grover	Ummm… In a hurry to be fed, beady eyes and big blue head. Ha ha.
	(Grover goes into the kitchen.)
Grover	Okay, Charlie, put on a round one!
Fat Blue	I don’t believe this. Awww, I don’t know why I keep coming in to this place, I really don’t!

	(Grover comes back with the meal.)
Grover	Okay, thanks, Charlie — boy, you cook fast, you know that?
Fat Blue	Oh, here it comes.
Grover	You are a good cook. Okay, there you are, sir. That looks delicious.
Fat Blue	What’s this?
Grover	That is your lunch.
Fat Blue	But… that looks like a grapefruit.
Grover	And so it is, sir. Round and tasty on a bun, pickles, french fries, yum yum yum. Something to drink with that?
Fat Blue	This is ridiculous! I don’t want a grapefruit!
Grover	Well, you should have thought of that before you ordered it!

Fat Blue	Well, I DIDN’T order it!
Grover	Sir, sir, forgive me. In a hurry to be fed, beady eyes and big blue head. That is you, is it not?
Fat Blue	I do NOT have beady eyes!
Grover	WHY should we argue, sir? You have forgotten what you ordered — nothing to be ashamed of! It is not YOUR job as the customer to remember, it is MINE as the WAITER. Now, listen and learn: Round and tasty on a bun —
Fat Blue	WILL YOU FORGET THAT SILLY RHYME??!?
Grover	Wwaaaaggghhh!
	(Grover falls down in panic.)

Fat Blue	Just LOOK at this plate!
Grover	Phew! Yes.
Fat Blue	Have you ever seen a grapefruit on a bun? Have you ever SEEN that before?
Grover	Come to think of it, I thought it was pretty weird when you ordered it, no.
Fat Blue	No, of course you haven’t!
Grover	Hmm. Well, then, you must have ordered something else!
Fat Blue	Uggghhh…
Grover	Let’s see, a peach? That’s round and tasty. How about a donut?
Fat Blue	Oh, listen —

Grover

Whoa, wait wait wait! Look at that, sir! You know what that looks like? It looks like a hamburger bun here!

Fat Blue

Well, of course it’s a hamburger bun, that’s what I ordered! A hamburger with cheese on it!

Grover

Hold it! Hold everything! Lock the door! I’ve got it! A cheeseburger! You ordered a cheeseburger! What a good memory have I, is it not amazing?

Fat Blue	Waiter… please… just go get me my lunch.
Grover	Yes, sir. Oh, I am sorry, sir, I cannot do that.
Fat Blue	Why?
Grover	Because I just remembered something else: When the great big clock says two, then the waiter’s work is through. Time to have a special treat, it’s the waiter’s turn to eat.

Grover	Let’s see, what should I have… maybe some swordfish today, or some chicken… No! I’ll have a cheeseburger! Maybe with fries, and a pickle? (Grover heads into the kitchen.) Hey, Charlie! Lunch time! Break out the good stuff!
Fat Blue	Ohhhh… ohhhhhhh!
	(Fat Blue faints.)
Grover	(from the kitchen) I expect you to clean that up, sir.
	(Grover disappears back into the kitchen.)