Original air date: December 21, 1978
Should Kermit and Miss Piggy be a committed couple?
I’m not asking are they a couple. I’m saying should they be a couple? Is it a good thing if they’re officially together? It’s a topic we’ve had to consider way too often over the years. For a lot of casual fans, it’s the only element of the Muppets they know or care about — even though we Muppet geeks know there’s so much more to the franchise, like talking houses telling terrible jokes, or strange Spanish men bonking helpless creatures on the head.
So now it’s 1978. The Muppet Show is a TV hit about halfway through its third season, and the breakout star of the show is Miss Piggy. If fictional characters are largely defined by What They Want, it’s been easy for audiences to latch onto Piggy because she wants two things, and she really, REALLY wants them: 1) stardom, and 2) Kermit the Frog.
She’s all over The Muppet Show, so she’s already achieved that stardom, even if she always hungers for more. But the frog is generally a more elusive prize. Sure, Kermit will give Piggy a featured spot on the show, but he’s much less likely to ask her out for coffee.
The TV audience can’t get enough of Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy can’t get enough of Kermit. So what do the Muppet Show writers do? In the episode guest-starring model-turned-actress Marisa Berenson, they give everyone what they want, and present The Wedding of Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog. Or do they?
In this episode, Piggy somehow convinces Kermit to let her plan the final sketch of tonight’s show, which she tells him is called “The Wedding.” He has a role in the sketch, but he only has one line. (“I do?” he asks, and she says, “Exactly.”) She procures a lovely wedding dress, and hires a real (pig) minister to perform the ceremony. That’s right — it’s all a ruse to trick Kermit into marrying her!
Today, this story would be done differently, or not at all. “Woman is so desperate to marry man that she swindles him into marriage against his will” doesn’t quite come across as light, whimsical fun like it presumably used to. In modern productions like Muppets Most Wanted and the Muppets TV series, it’s been interesting to see this relationship given a bit more emotional weight. Unfortunately for Kermit, this episode is from 1978.
But fortunately for the would-be groom, the other significant thing about this episode is that it’s the first to feature Lew Zealand, the boomerang fish thrower. Throughout the half-hour, Kermit rejects Lew’s requests for stage time. But when it comes time for the wedding sketch, and the frog is at the altar, and the minister asks him if he takes this pig to be his wife, he declares “I… I want to introduce to you the amazing Lew Zealand and his boomerang fish!” And then Lew throws his fish, and everything descends into chaos, and it’s highly entertaining.
Can you imagine if they had actually gotten married in this episode? It would have been much less funny, and it would have ruined the tension of the greatest “Will they or won’t they?” dynamic this side of Sam & Diane. I’m sure the Muppet people would have been able to find a few stories to tell about Mr. and Mrs. Piggy-The Frog, but so much of the comedy of their relationship is built on Piggy’s assertiveness and Kermit’s reluctance.
Therefore: No, Kermit and Miss Piggy should not be a couple. It’s fun to watch them bicker, and it’s fun to see them in “what-if” scenarios like this, but it would be much less fun to see them settle down. With the Muppets, the delicate balance between heart and chaos must be preserved, and if the frog and the pig made a commitment, it would take more boomerang fish throwers than there are in existence to restore that balance.
And yet, this episode is satisfying because it gets Piggy closer to securing Kermit than she ever has up to this point. Kermit waits until the last possible minute to cut the sketch short. When the minister asks the big question, he doesn’t even answer “No.” In his hesitation, is there a moment where he considers what would happen if he says “I do?” Does he fleetingly contemplate a version of his future in which he allows himself to be guided by his true, deep, romantic feelings for Piggy? Maybe, maybe not. But the mere possibility was enough to keep fans invested in Kermit and Piggy for at least a few more decades.
Best Joke: Marisa Berenson, watching Piggy walk down the aisle, says she always cries at weddings. Standing next to her, Animal laughs. “HA HA HAHA HA!” It’s really funny when you see it, trust me.
Dumb Joke But I Appreciate It: The “Muppet Sports” sketch features the sport of wig racing. When host Louis Kazagger asks a wig trainer if he uses shampoo on his wig, the guy replies “I do not use sham-poo for my wigs. I only use real poo. Nothing but the best poo for my wigs.”
Most Valuable Muppet: Lew Zealand! He provides such valuable absurdity, and I’m so glad his first appearance was not his last.
First Appearance Of…: Lew Zealand! And Beauregard (in filming order)! And Louis Kazagger!
Adultiest Content: Aside from “You’re Always Welcome at Our House” (see below), it’s Kermit’s line to Lew Zealand: “When I book a boomerang fish act on the show, some very warm places will freeze over!”
Obscure Character Watch: Oh, good! Gladys the cafeteria lady is in this one! She inspects the Swedish Chef’s wedding cake, and serves Lew a sandwich with a smashed fly on it. Good for her.
Musical Highlight: Definitely Marisa Berenson’s number, “You’re Always Welcome at Our House.” In a more typical episode, this would have been the closing number, but it shows up in the middle here so the episode can end with the wedding. Playing the part of a wholesome youngster, Berenson skips around a cozy house singing about how her family imprisons, poisons, maims and otherwise inflicts bodily harm on anyone who visits them. It’s a hoot. The song was written by Shel Silverstein, whose children’s books have a “bizarre, but fun for the whole family” sensibility that’s not so far removed from that of the Muppets.
Coolest Puppetry Trick: A dance number featuring Berenson has some great work by the Muppet performers, operating feather boas. They don’t have googly eyes or appendages or anything – they’re just feather boas that move so fluidly and expressively you’re convinced they’re alive.
Should-Be Classic Moment: The “Do Re Mi” number pays a lot of comedy dividends from an investment in a simple premise: A chorus of Muppets tries to sing the “Do, a deer, a female deer” song from The Sound of Music, but they get all mixed up. “Go, a gear, a female gear! Bo, a beer, a female beer!” and so on. Interestingly, the characters participating in this number are the recognizable Robin, Beauregard, Annie Sue, Scooter and Fozzie… and a sunglasses-wearing salamander. I guess this is because Steve Whitmire didn’t have a character of his own yet, but what if they were briefly hoping the salamander would become a star?
One More Thing: Marisa Berenson is sort of overshadowed by other goings-on in this episode, but she’s obviously having a great time. She laughs and laughs at much of the Muppety chaos going on around her.
Okay, One More Thing: I noticed this while discussing “Never Before, Never Again” on our Muppet Movie podcast Movin’ Right Along: I’m about 80% sure that the wedding dress Miss Piggy wears in this episode is the same one she wears in the fantasy sequence during that musical number.
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by Ryan Roe – Ryan@ToughPigs.com
