WARNING: This post contains massive spoilers for Doctor Strange In The Multiverse of Madness!
Cinema goers are abuzz with excitement, with the newest Marvel feature, Doctor Strange In The Multiverse of Madness. Muppet goers are abuzz because LOL Doctor Strange and Doctor Strangepork, that’s funny. And it makes sense, because Benedict Cumberbatch was also performed by Jerry Nelson in the late 70’s…
And it got me thinking – what would a Muppet version of the new Doctor Strange look like? So I’ve decided to recast it, because I do that a lot – Muppet Die Hard, anyone?
Doctor Strange – Doctor Strangepork
I mean, of course this was the best choice, it’s literally why I’m writing this article in the first place. Doctor Strange and Doctor Strangepork have a lot in common – they’re both doctors, they both know what it’s like to be the smartest man in the room but ignored by bigger egos, and they both have access to an Infinity Stone (not many people know, but Strangepork holds the Soul Stone – he sacrificed Hilda for it in 1978).
Wanda Maximoff – Miss Piggy
This is the last time I’m going to say spoiler alert, so don’t get mad at me if I ruin the new movie for you, because I’ve warned you more than once. Multiverse of Madness takes a massive swing as it casts an angry Wanda as it’s villian. Once lovable and vulnerable, she turns on her fury and becomes a frightening source of power, destroying anyone who gets in her way. Who else has the capability of being all kind and sweet, but a raging monster underneath? Miss Piggy Lee, at your service. Don’t insult her frog (or weird android-human-Janet husband) or you’ll get a red fireball karate chop!
Wong – Fozzie Bear
Granted, the real Wong is a man who can hold his own during battle, and is a thousand times more suited to battling evil beings from alternate dimensions and universes. But the dude loves a well timed wise crack, and that’s why Fozzie would be the perfect Wong. Who could resist making a crack at a large one eyed octopus monster? Instead of killing it with spells and cool glowing ropes, he could kill it with comedy! What did the spellmaster say to the Octopus Cyclops when it climbed a parking structure? You write the punchline, I’m busy writing this article. You can’t have both, gang.
America Chavez – Alynda
Yes, we’re pulling out the obscure one-episode from 2015 Muppets for this one folks – It’s Aynda time! Alynda is a young pig who looks up to Miss Piggy for the body positivity she exerts when she shows off her tail. America is a young girl who can travel universes and is hunted by Wanda Maximoff. How are they the same, you ask? Because, they’re both teenagers.
Christine Palmer – Denise
Christine Palmer is a genius surgeon and scientist, in whichever universe you find her in. Denise was, for all her flaws, always a very smart woman and knew she deserved better. It would make sense to have Denise take on the role, because she’s capable, clever and, just like poor Rachel McAdams, sorely underutilized.
Billy and Tommy – Andy and Randy Pig
I’m just gonna say it – Billy and Tommy weren’t cute in WandaVision, and they weren’t cute in Multiverse of Madness. They were bratty and whiny and I’m glad they got taken away in the original series. You know who else is whiny and annoying? Andy and Randy, but at least those dudes have some humor to them. I could understand wanting to traverse the multiverse to look out for those guys. When they hit their heads together and say ‘This is hard’ in unison? COMEDY GOLD.
Pizza Popper Vendor – The Swedish Chef
Played by frequent Sam Raimi collaborator Bruce Campbell, the Pizza Popper Vendor has a a couple of the funniest lines of the film, especially the post credits scene. He is enchanted to continuously punch himself in the face, with his hands not in his control. Remind you of a certain Muppet who wasn’t always aware of what his hands were going to do? Frank Oz used to improvise his hand moments as Jim Henson would do the take, making this the perfect amalgamation of characters.
What do you think? Did I nail it? I nailed it, right?’
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By Jarrod Fairclough – Jarrod@ToughPigs.com