More Breaking News, Part Six

Published: May 6, 2003
Categories: Uncategorized

Breaking News

Part 15: Little Red Riding Hood

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit),Fran Brill (Little Red Riding Hood), Richard Hunt (Taxi Driver), Kevin Clash (Big Bad Wolf), unknown? (Grandmother), Jerry Nelson (Announcer).mmnews34

Announcer


We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!
Kermit


[ Kermit is facing the wrong way. He realizes his mistake and turns around. ] Oh! Uh. Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here for Sesame Street News, and I’m standing in the forest here, waiting for Little Red Riding Hood, who’s supposed to be coming this way on her way to her grandmother’s house! And, uh — hark! I think that’s her coming now.
[ Little Red Riding Hood enters, humming. ]
Little Red


Uh oh. I think I’m lost. Excuse me, Mr Frog?
Kermit


Uh, yes, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street News, ma’am?
Little Red


Hello.
Kermit


Hi.
Little Red


Could you please tell me how to get to Grandmother’s house?
Kermit


Oh, I would be very happy to. Matter of fact, I happen to have a map of the entire area, right over here…mmnews35
Little Red


Oh, great!
Kermit


If you’ll just step over here, I’ll show you… [ Kermit reaches up and pulls down a map. ] … this map of the entire area. You see, right here —
Little Red


Uh huh.
Kermit


This is the entire area.
Little Red


Uh huh.
Kermit


Now, where we are is, we’re standing in the woods, right here, you see?
Little Red


Mm hmm.
Kermit


Now, in order to get to Grandmother’s house, which is right up here…
[ As Kermit explains, Little Red gets distracted brushing off her cape. ]
Kermit


… you have to walk down this road right here, till you come to the shopping center. And then, um…mmnews36
[ Kermit notices that Little Red is distracted. ]
Kermit


Excuse me, uh, Miss Riding Hood…
Little Red


Yes?
Kermit


You’re not listening to me.
Little Red


Oh, I’m sorry. I had some lint on my pretty new red cape. Please, please. Go on.
Kermit


Well, I will, but I think I’d better start all over again, because you weren’t listening.
Little Red


Oh, okay. Uh huh. Thank you.
Kermit


Well, starting all over again, you see, we’re in the woods, here.
Little Red


Mm hmm!
Kermit


Now, to get to Granny’s house, you have to go down this road here, until you come to the shopping center. [ Little Red starts brushing more lint off her cape. ] That’s where you have to make a left turn, go through the covered bridge, until you… uh, Miss Hood.
Little Red


Hmm? What? Oh. Hiya.
Kermit


You’re not listening!
Little Red


Oh, I’m sorry.
Kermit


Now, how do you expect to get to Granny’s house, if you don’t listen?
Little Red


By taxi.
Kermit


Taxi?
Little Red


Yeah, I just hop a taxi. TAXI!mmnews37
[ A taxi immediately screeches up, and Red gets in. ]
Taxi Driver


Yeah, where to?
Little Red


Could you please take me to Grandmother’s house?
Taxi Driver


Grandmother’s? Uh, that’s by the railroad track, right?
Little Red


Well, I’m not sure…
Taxi Driver


Eh, never mind. We’ll find it! Heh heh heh. Okay!
[ The taxi speeds off, leaving Kermit behind. ]mmnews38
[ The Big Bad Wolf approaches. ]
Wolf


Hey, Mac! I’ve kinda lost my way here.
Kermit


Wait a second! Are you the Big Bad Wolf?
Wolf


You got it, frog! Hey – would you happen to know the way to Grandma’s house?
Kermit


Well, as a matter of fact, I do, and I’ll be happy to tell you, if you’ll only listen to me.
Wolf


Hey, I’d be glad to listen! I wanta find out real bad! If I don’t — there’ll be no story!
Kermit


Yes, right. Okay. Well, I happen to have a map of the entire area right over here. Now, you see, we’re in the woods right here…
[ Granny enters, moaning. ]
Granny


Oh me, oh my…
Wolf


Why, Grandma! What do you know! I was just trying to get to your house.
Granny


Oh, were you! Well, I was too! But I got lost…
Wolf


Well, hey… this frog here said he knows the way!
Granny


You DO?
Kermit


Yes, I do, and I’d be happy to tell you all, if you’ll just listen to me.
Wolf


Hey, Mac, I’m ALLLLLL ears!
Granny


And I’m all ears too, Mac!
Kermit


Uh, okay… well, now, let me just tell you all. You see, we’re in the woods right here…
Granny


[ not paying attention to Kermit ] Speaking of ears, you got an awful big set of ears! They’re kinda cute, too, heh heh.
Wolf


Awwww… well, thank you there, Granny… I was just kinda admiring that hairdo of yours…
Granny


Oh, were you! I just had it changed recently! I had it a different way for years! I had trouble with my hairdresser, you see…
Kermit


Hey, listen… uh… Will both of you PIPE DOWN and LISTEN TO ME?mmnews39
[ The taxi pulls up again. ]
Taxi Driver


Yeah, uh… where are we?
Little Red


I told you it was left at the shopping center!
Taxi Driver


No, no… if we’da gone left, we woulda gone through the toll bridge…
Little Red


No, no, no, no, no…
Taxi Driver


It would have cost ya an extra quarter!
Little Red


Oh, look, there’s Grandmother… Grandmother!
Granny


Mm hmm?
Little Red


Do you turn left or right at the shopping center to get to your house?
Granny


What shopping center?
Wolf


I thought you turned at the video arcade!
Little Red


No, no, no.
Kermit


Uh, listen… QUI-ET!mmnews40
Kermit


Listen, nobody’s going to find out how to get to Grandmother’s house unless you listen to ME!
Taxi Driver


Well, uh… okay, man! I mean, frog. We’re all ears.
Little Red


Yeah.
Kermit


Okay. Well, let me just show you on the map, over here. You see, right now, we’re in the woods right here… Now, when you go out of this…
Wolf


Aw, why don’t we just forget all this going to Grandma’s stuff, and have a picnic here?
Little Red


Okay. Although I know it was at the shopping center…
Kermit


Now, when you get to the… uh… what’s going on?
Little Red


We’re having a picnic! If you’d been listening, you would know what we’re doing!
Taxi Driver


Yeah! Pass the mustard, will ya?
Kermit


Uh… This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled… program…mmnews41

by Danny Horn

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