With the recent news that the Muppets, Sesame Workshop, and The Jim Henson Company are all releasing new merchandise, we didn’t want to be left out! ToughPigs has previously offered some exciting stuff – including t-shirts and pins – and we’re jazzed to take things to the next level with even more stuff made just for our fellow Muppet fanatics.
Check out the latest in ToughPigs merch below, and we thank you for your patronage!
“I Appreciate the Muppets” T-Shirt
There are Muppet fans. Then there are big Muppet fans. You know, the ones who know that Uncle Deadly originally appeared on The Muppet Show. But if you’re reading this, odds are your love of the Muppets is way deeper than any of those posers. You know that Uncle Deadly was originally performed by Jerry Nelson, went by “The Phantom of the Muppet Show,” and that Kirk Thatcher used him as the basis of an unmade show, Uncle Deadly’s House of Badness. You don’t cite Muppet Wiki, Muppet Wiki cites you. And not just any garment will do to drape your body, you need something that shows just how more passionate you are. For you, we have the ultimate in style, with a t-shirt that says it all: “I Appreciate the Muppets on a Much Deeper Level Than the Person Wearing an “I Appreciate the Muppets on a Much Deeper Level Than the Person Wearing an “I Appreciate the Muppets on a Much Deeper Level than You” T-Shirt” T-Shirt.”
$If You Have to Ask, You Can’t Afford It
Canned SIRE
Need a quick rush of nostalgia? Try ToughPigs’ Canned SIRE! Quadruple-filtered using tape from a broken copy of Hey, You’re as Funny as Fozzie Bear, this offers pure refreshment and complete recall of the lyrics to “I’m Doggin’ It.” Some say it tastes like Amazin’ Fruit, y’know, the ones with the special packages to promote Muppet Treasure Island. And they had that promo to get the radio with Kermit as Captain Smollett on it! See, the SIRE is working already! Yo fog, you’ve been lifted from my brain! I’m going to buy more now… but where did I put my credit card?
“ToughPigs’ Canned SIRE: You’ll Know it When You Taste It.”
$1.50, quarters preferred
Mr. Curly Twirly Fan Club Membership
Have you heard the good word about our lord and savior, Mr. Curly Twirly? Then show you’re a true believer in this iconic background Muppet by joining The Mr. Curly Twirly Fan Club! Your membership will include this fancy certificate, a button to wear to all formal engagements, an engraved hardcover copy of the timeless classic, “Kermit Learns How Computers Work,” and an invitation to join Curly-Twirly Con at the EconoLodge in Pocatello, Idaho. With all this, you can’t afford not to join!
$92/year
“The Complete ToughPigs” Book
With artificial intelligence getting smarter and climate change ramping up, you might be tempted to go off the grid and live in an abandoned bomb shelter that hasn’t been restocked since Lyndon Johnson was President. And if you do ultimately reject society, you won’t have to leave the witty, thought-provoking articles of ToughPigs behind! Introducing “The Complete ToughPigs,” a compilation book of every piece ever published on our website, from Danny Horn telling folks not to worry about The Jim Henson Company’s merger with EM.TV (and he was right) to this thing you’re reading right now! And it’s not just for hermits! This is also great in the event that Joe, Ryan, and Jarrod decide to delete the whole thing for a tax writeoff. They can’t take it off your shelves, right? Or maybe they’re behind you right now!
$12.00 or best offer
Hubba-Wha!? The Home Game
For twenty-eight episodes, Muppet fans have gone head-to-head to test their Muppet knowledge on Hubba-Wha?! And now, it’s your turn! Introducing Hubba-Wha?! The Home Game! For a low price, our own Becca Petunia will burst into your home and demand you name as many guest stars that appeared in Elmopalooza as you can think of. And you better be ready with a question to stump her! Seriously, she’s usually nice, but if you don’t have that question ready, or if it seems like you didn’t put too much thought into it, she will get mad, and not the cute kind of mad. The last family to buy this is still asking what happened to their parakeet. We know, and we’re afraid to tell them the truth.
$We’ll pay you, we just need a break from her
ToughPigs “We Just Wanted a Rock Too” Rock
Look, the Muppets are selling a rock. Sesame Street is selling a rock. The Henson Company is selling a rock. We should get the chance to sell a rock too! And now you can be the proud owner of a ToughPigs brand rock. It’s a rock, with rock-like qualities. And the only way you can prove you’re a real Muppet fan is to own one of these rocks yourself. Or not – we’re not the Muppet fan police. We’re just here to show appreciation for the Muppets and sell rocks. It’s nice to have a dream.
$We’ll pay you a nickel.
