After we’ve spent so much of our breath screaming to Disney that we want more Muppet merchandise, they’re finally answering our prayers! We’re excited to see a new batch of Muppet merch announced, and it’s all so innovative and exciting.
Get your wallets ready and check out some of the latest swag coming soon from Muppets Studio!
Fozzie Bearskin Rug
Really tie (aah aah) your room together with this officially-licensed rug, featuring all natural Muppet fur and the noggin of everyone’s favorite comedian, Fozzie Bear! Expertly crafted with authentic eyes, nose and of course, the hat, this home essential will be the star of the show on the floor of your living room or make your den even cozier. Disney assures us that this is not morbid at all because it celebrates the long life that Fozzie’s influence has had in media. Not only that, it can double as a hooded cape. And who doesn’t want to play dress-up as the world’s foremost and forever aspiring comedian?
$3499.95 USD
Swedish Chef “Borkinator”
Have you ever wanted to speak another language? Have those other quick-learning products on the market failed you again and again? You’re in luck! The Borkinator is programmed to turn all of your words into mock-Swedish. You’ll sound as fluent as a native speaker. It doesn’t translate. That’s still being worked out. But mock-Swedish is all vibes-based anyway, right?
250 mock-kr
Fleet Scribbler Diamond Select Action Figure
After the success of Diamond Select’s action figures of Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, and the Electric Mayhem, they’ve opted to continue the line. But apparently they’re starting to run out of good Muppets… no, wait. They’re… uh, going for obscure fan-favorites. Yeah, that’s the ticket. For the fans! That’s us! That’s why we’re lucky enough to get this new action figure of Fleet Scribbler, the Muppet famously hated by the entire Muppet Show team! Now that’s good news.
$29.99, or wait until it hits the discount bins for $5
Doc Hopper’s Vegetarian Frog Legs
When you watch The Muppet Movie, there has to be one question you ask yourself: “Sure, Doc Hopper is a terrible bully, but what do his frog legs taste like?” That question can finally be answered with Doc Hopper’s Vegetarian Frog Legs! No silly, you don’t have to imagine vegetarian frogs on tiny crutches. There’s no frog in this jar at all!* The only green in this is cucumbers, brined in a secret blend of seasonings and vinegar. You might say, “so it’s a jar of pickles,” and to that we respond, what’s a pickle? For legal reasons, I sure have never heard of those before! But you can do all the things that Doc does with his frog legs. Serve them with cheese, chili, bacon too! French fried vegetarian frog legs barbecue! That’s basically the menu at any state fair, I’ve seen what they’ve done with pickles. I mean vegetarian frog legs! Oh man, the lawyers are going to be mad at me…
*May contain traces of frog
$3.49, on sale this week 2 for $4.00
Four-Foot Prune (Mini)
After The Muppet Movie, moviegoers demanded prop replicas from the beloved film. They wrote letters asking for melted Schwinns, Miss Bogen County tiaras, and Gonzo’s visor with the tiny spigot on the brim. It took them a few years, but they’re finally getting around to giving the people what they want: Bunsen and Beaker’s four-foot prune! Unfortunately, manufacturing costs are, well, costly. So we’ll have to settle for a scaled-down version. The Four-Foot Prune Mini is only slightly larger than a regular prune, but the fiber content is anything but sadly temporary.
$8.99 for a dozen
Electric Mayhem Rock
Have you always wanted to rock as hard as the Muppet house band, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem? Now you can, with this branded rock. No instruments or music lessons needed. Knock out some teeth that you can replace with gold. Tear up the joint like Animal. Tap into the musical harmony of nature like Janice. All with the power of rock. And look at how round it is. This rock will most definitely roll. With rock and roll in the palm of your hand, you’ll be as cool as Floyd.
