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March 6, 2005: The Muppets appeared on ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, helping Ty Pennington and the team rebuild the home of the Harris family, who have the first ever set of surviving African-American sextuplets. The Harris’ home was damaged by Hurricane Ivan, and the Muppets were there to pitch in… or maybe make things worse.

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(Host Ty Pennington explains the situation on Day 6…)

TySo we’re running out of time, right, and we’re building a house for a family that’s got seven kids… So I got us some extra help, some folks who have been working with families a lot. 

 

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(A heavy box is set down on the table.)

TyAnd they should be arriving… right now!

 

 

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(He lifts up the box, revealing Fozzie and Kermit, who cough and sputter as they take off the packing material.)

Ty Hey, you guys made it!

 

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Kermit Phew. Oh, hi there, Ty!

 Fozzie I’ve seen some small rooms in my time, but that was ridiculous!

 Kermit Mmmm.

 Fozzie That box was so small —

 Kermit Uh, Fozzie? Not now, Fozzie.

 Fozzie Oh, good. I didn’t have a punchline for that joke anyhow.

 Kermit Good. Hey, we’re so glad we could help; I know exactly what the Harrises are going through. You know, as a tadpole in the swamp, I had 3,265 brothers and sisters!

 Ty Really!

 Kermit Yeah.

 Ty So, hey, where’s Miss Piggy?

 Kermit Oh. Well, you know how it is. She wasn’t quite on board with being shipped overnight… so they say when pigs fly, they fly first class.

 Ty Right.

 Kermit She should be here any minute, though.

 

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Kermit Oh, look!

 Piggy Oh, oh, sorry I’m late, but my limo driver got lost on the way from the airport…

  (Piggy stops short when she sees Ty.)

 

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Piggy Ho-ly maracas! Who’s the guy with the hair?

 Kermit Oh, that’s Ty, Miss Piggy. He’s the one who invited us here.

 

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(Piggy makes herself comfortable.)

Piggy Oh! Hello, Ty… My name’s Miss Piggy! 

  (At a loss, Ty gets to business.)

 Ty… So, listen! Maybe we should all kind of get busy.

 Kermit Yeah, sure.

 Piggy Oh, yes! Yes!

 Ty What can you guys do… Carpentry? Drywall? Roofing?

 Kermit Uhhh… well, not really…

 Piggy Oh, I know! I can massage your back! How about that?

 Kermit Good grief. We’re willing to try anything, Ty.

 Ty That would be great.

  (They all walk away, excited.)

 Ty I love the hair. Are those extensions?

 Piggy Oh, you…

 

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(After they walk away, a box marked DANGER suddenly comes to life. With a shout, Animal bursts out of the top of the box.)

Animal MAKE-O-VER! MAKE-O-VER! Ah ha ha ha ha!

 

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Kermit Ah. Nothing like a little yard work to make ya feel great. 

(Fozzie walks behind him, carrying a ladder.) 

Kermit Ah — be careful with that ladder, Fozz!

 

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(Fozzie turns around to answer; Kermit quickly ducks under the swinging ladder. He pops up, and then ducks when Fozzie swings it round again.)

Fozzie Kermit?

(Kermit pops up again, behind Fozzie.)

Kermit Phew, he almost got me. Jeez —

 

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(Fozzie swings around again, clocking Kermit and knocking him over. Fozzie shrugs, and keeps moving with the ladder.)

Fozzie Oh, well.

 

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Paul You know, we take whatever help we can get — from neighbors, from celebrities — and to have the Muppets come in, Kermit and the gang… they certainly helped. They helped big time. 

(Kermit walks by, stumbling under the weight of his box.) 

 

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(Fozzie comes by with a box marked FRAGILE. He trips, and drops the box — which falls to the ground with a horrifying smash.)

 

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(Fozzie looks around, sees that nobody’s watching, and picks up the box again as if nothing happened.)

 

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Michael So I thought they were supposed to help me. Miss Piggy’s sitting there, lounging on the chair… 

 

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Michael Hey, guys… That goes in the living room, right by the fireplace. 

(Piggy looks down at the guys carrying the chair.) 

Piggy You heard the man. Chop chop! 

(She leans back in the chair as they carry her inside.) 

 

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Michael She didn’t lift a finger. She’s a diva. 

Ty It was just awesome that they were a part of this thing… We had such a blast. In fact, I think Animal is still in the house somewhere. 

 

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(Animal is carrying heavy boxes when he sees two girls walk by. He drops the boxes and gives chase.)

Animal WO-MAN! WO-MAN! 

Ty Animal and I should probably talk at some point about ADHD. 

 

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Kermit Well, y’know, I have to say that we were all kind of honored to be asked to be a part of this. To be able to do something so nice for such a great family… They’re great people, and they’re good to their kids… Welcome home, Harris family! Welcome home. 

 

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(The next morning, Ty starts getting hyper.) 

Ty So, listen, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, buddy, but you’re wearing slippers. It’s not really a slumber party. Well, you have been working some long hours, haven’t you. Okay. Probably need to brush your teeth, right? Get a shave in there. And then just amp back up, buddy, because guess what: WE’VE ONLY GOT TWO HOURS BEFORE THE FAMILY COMES HOME, SO SNAP OUT OF IT, SUNSHINE! STAY IN LINE, WE GOT A LOT MORE TO DO! LET’S DO IT!!! 

(Cut to Ty, in an interview spot.) 

Ty Kermit… The guy is just a natural born leader. He’s got his own megaphone. 

 

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(Kermit startles Michael by shouting into his ear.)

Kermit MICHAEL, HURRY! WE ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS! WE ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS! THOSE GUYS ARE GONNA —

(Michael silences him with a glare.)

Michael Not you, too…

 

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(Kermit attacks Paul, who’s under a bed.)

Kermit PAUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NO TIME FOR AN OIL CHANGE! WE HAVE TWO HOURS! TWO HOURS TO GO! HURRY!

 

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Ty WE GOT TWO HOURS, PEOPLE! LET’S MOVE IT! TWO HOURS!

Kermit POLISH! POLISH! POLISH! POLISH!

 

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Ty WE’VE ONLY GOT TWO HOURS TO FINISH!

Kermit COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! AAAHH!

(Kermit is startled by an oncoming toy train, and runs away.)

 

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(Kermit yells at a row of stuffed animals.) 

Kermit COME ON, YOU MONSTERS! WE’VE ONLY GOT TWO HOURS TO GO! WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHAT’S — 

(He takes a closer look.) 

Kermit Oh. Not real. Heh heh. 

 

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Kermit TWO HOURS TO GO! WE ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS TO GO! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 

(They finish up, the family comes home, and that’s the last we see of the Muppets until the end credits…) 

 

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(Fozzie is trying to hammer a nail with a rubber chicken. Swinging vigorously, he smacks Paul in the face with the chicken.) 

 

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Fozzie I don’t think that’s gonna work. Do you have a hammer? 

Paul Yeah, I do have a hammer. 

Fozzie Yeah. 

(Paul looks around… and then rethinks.) 

Paul I wonder if I should keep the hammer away from you. 

 

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by Danny Horn

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